Six

Six years. I have been so busy with Isaac and just trying to keep my wits about me with three, I woke up and realized my little girl is turning six on Sunday. As I was up tonight cleaning and preparing for her party all of my emotions and sentiments welled up inside. In the still quiet house my own thoughts became a lot louder and clearer than they are most days.
She's growing up. Yes I know it's only 6. For some reason this is harder than 5 for me. Perhaps it is because this is the year she would have started school if we had chosen not to homeschool. Perhaps it is the fact the Chris and I were reminiscing a few days ago about the last 10 years we have spent since we met. In many ways it seems like a lifetime ago, we have grown and changed so much, yet I can't even believe 10 years could have passed. I asked him if he realized that in 10 more years we would have a 16 year old? At times that seems so distant, but in reality I don't want to think about it because I know how fast time will fly. I always tell Kaylie how it was like only yesterday that I held her in my arms, a fresh, newborn babe. She always laughs and says I am silly. "It seems like a long time growing up for me," she always tells me. I know there is no sense arguing. She is right. It was one of those things we never really experience until we are there.

I sat down to write this and I don't really feel like it went the direction I wanted. What I meant to say is that I love my Kaylie Joyce so very much. A new love I had never known was birthed in me the day I birthed her. I was so proud to call her mine. As she was my first, she has graciously allowed me to grow with her, as I make the common first time parenting mistakes. I have continuously been in awe of her intelligence, beauty, and inner strength. She has a strong mind, and while this can be a challenge, I would not have it any other way. I see Christ molding her and working in her heart. I feel excitement to watch her walk the path He has laid out for her, and sometimes I feel sadness. If there is one thing I am learning it is that my children are gifts on loan to me. One day I will have to let her go fulfill the plans God has for her life. Knowing this only makes our time that much more sacred.

Kaylie I have loved every moment being your mom. I look forward to many more birthdays, many more experiences, and many more memories. What a wonderful treasure you are to me. I will do my very best in the coming year to hold onto each moment. I will work on my patience. I know you are growing, and life is never easy as you try to figure everything out. I know your little brother can drive you crazy, but thank you for caring about his safety and well being at all times. Know that you mean the world to him, and as you grow he will stick up for you in a heartbeat in any situation. I have also loved watching you with Isaac. Having you with me the night I brought him into this world was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. You were a strong little girl, and you have watched over your little brother with such love and grace. I know this has created a special bond between the two of you that will last a lifetime. Thank you for always being you.
You have pushed me out of my comfort zone on numerous occasions, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
Happy Birthday my sweet, precious Kaylie bear! I love you more than you will ever know.