After my long heart rending tale of faith building and trust in God, I've realized I should probably just keep my mouth or perhaps blogging mouth shut. Yet here I am again.
Have you ever watched a press conference where the reporters throw out what we like to call "soft balls?" I'm really starting to wish God would cut me a break and throw a couple of soft balls my way. That just wouldn't be His style. No He has a way of cutting right to the chase of the matter. His pitches never miss, and sometimes in the heat of the moment I sure wish they did.
Money is always a hot topic in life, relationships, and pretty much all matters of society. Naturally adding to a family pushes all of those fears about money to the forefront. Please understand that I realize we have been extremely blessed. We aren't exactly where I would love to be financially, but we pay our bills on time and usually have a little extra to spare. With the expectation of a third child Chris and I really feel it is time for me to stay at home. Taking my income away will really put us in a different financial situation. We have been praying and looking hoping a door will open that will allow Chris to make more money, and me to stay home with the kids.
I said all of this to preface that I have already been deeply worrying about these things. I am a planner, and I want to know the exact how, when , and where things will work out.
In the mean time we had been saving to take a family vacation with my parents for there 30th wedding anniversary. This was planned long before we knew we were expecting, and this late in the game it was a little late to back out. Today we finished our final booking. I was excited, but a little leery as I knew once we returned home we would need to hit the ground running and really build up our savings. This evening we got in the car to take the kids swimming and lo and behold the car will not start. What????!!!! We seriously just dropped over $700 just a few months back to replace the alternator and battery. By now I am cursing myself, cursing life. All I want to do is take this car and push it over a cliff. I am fortunate that what sanity I had left reminded me that the financier would probably still require me to make payments car or no car.
So here I am late at night crying, stressing, and feeling guilty. I continue to pray this is something minor. Perhaps tomorrow I will laugh that I was so ruffled over nothing.
For tonight I must remind myself God is in control, and if I'm to be the woman He desires me to be I just have to say, Keep'em coming.