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Monday, December 27, 2010

It May Be Crazy, but I'll Take It

Late Christmas day I stood in the kitchen washing dishes. My feet were tired and I was generally just emotionlly and physically tired. I love Christmas, but after a long two days of last minute shopping, hauling gifts to grandparents, hauling gifts home, and cooking my body was exhausted. I quickly realized that maybe there were one too many toys that made various squeaks and noises. Couple that with the occasional sibling argument over a toy, and I was ready to lock myself away for some peace and quiet.

I love to look back on these moments because God has a way of subtly shifting the heart's focus. As the ipod played Christmas music in the background a song came on that instantly took me back six years in time. I was a broken woman, broken from loss. I was still recovering from a miscarriage two months prior. It was a pregnancy I had not particularly planned or been too enthusiastic about in the beginning which made the eventual loss all the more devastating. God had been working in me to build the heart of a mother. Before I was all too selfish and absorbed with the inconvenience a child could bring. As my heart and mentality began to change I was crushed when it all seemed to be ripped away with one trip to the doctor and a heartbreaking sonogram.

That Christmas all my heart longed for was a child, not a baby to replace the one lost, but to soothe the aching mother's heart that had been conceived, but not fully formed. Little did I know that Christmas season that just two weeks later I would find out I was carrying our beloved Kaylie. She was my Christmas gift, and one that would carry Chris and I to a new level of love as people and parents. God was faithful to us that Christmas and has continued that work of chiseling a mother's heart into me.

As I came back to the reality of loud toys and boisterous children I looked at the situation from a different place. These children are my gifts and my inheritence. It may be crazy and I may be tired, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

What Did I Do to Deserve This?

I probably have uttered this phrase countless times when everything is going wrong in life. I think most of us have at some point. It is probably best that God is gracious and does not usually answer this question directly, because honestly if it were a game of what we deserve it would not be pretty on our side. Six months ago I was on an uphill climb of faith. I don't pretend I had it worse than many others, but as for each of us our problems can become very real, dark, and looming.

I stand hear today and once again say, "What did I do to deserve this?" Except this time I ask for very different reasons. As of this day I am standing on a mountain that I did not believe I could ever climb. Please indulge me as I rattle off the incredible blessings God has given our family.
  1. Chris was hired on with a new company as of last week. He is truly enjoying the new company, and excited about the opportunitues it can bring. In a job market that has many people looking for sometimes 6 months to a year, we were blessed that it took just a little over two months.
  2. Chris is working a job with the hours we desired. Many of the jobs Chris looked at while job hunting would require that he be gone late into the night or for extended periods of time. While we were willing to accept anything, God was good in meeting the desires of our heart, and he is able to be home with the famliy in the evenings.
  3. We did not lose our house or default on any major payments during the period of unemployment. This is truly amazing in itself. My first fears were that we would lose everything, or at least fall behind on everything. We have had enough to carry us through, and will be carried through seamlessy as income starts flowing again.
  4. I have wonderful, beautiful children. They are extremely loving in every way possible. While they like to try my patience, not a day goes by that I am not overwhelmed with a full heart from their, hugs, cuddles, and kisses.
  5. I have Chris who is patient, loving, and steadfast. He is the iron in my life that sharpens me. He has put up with my intense moments of frustration during these last 6 months, and is still there with loving arms when I need to swallow my pride and apologize. He makes me laugh, and always sticks up for me. He gets me for who I am. When I look at him I wonder how I ever could be afraid of losing a house when I always have a home with him.
  6. I have a son on the way named Isaac who God has chosen to bless us with. While he was conceived of God's timing and not our own, I am convinced all the more that God's plan is perfect for him. If I though my heart could not be any more full with love, I cannot imagine the joy and love about to explode into our lives this spring.
  7. Wonderful friendship. This season has brought back my dear, sweet Alyson. While miles have separated us she has always been my closest friend. Through a series of events we have been able to reconnect, and I must say it has been absolutely wonderful having her back in my life. While we do not share blood, she is a sister to me and always will be.
  8. Family that sticks with you. I know it can be done, but I cannot imagine how hard it would be to live far away from family. I am blessed to have caring people not too far away who are willing to help bear the load when times are tough.
  9. I have been given life!

In refelction this year has been a lot about growth. That is wonderful, delightful, and painful growth. I'm sure I have not experienced that last of my trials, but as I sit here today basking in peace and the realization that God does work all things together for our good, I'm just grateful.

Friday, December 3, 2010

What's In a Name?

It looks like we will be adding some more testoserone to our household in a few months. Yes, we are having another baby boy! Finding out it was a boy is a whole other dramatic story for another blog, so I will save the analysis of that.

One reason I enjoy finding out what the baby will be is I like to start referring to the baby by name. It starts to cement their place in the family before they even arrive. I know many others have a different viewpoint in regards to this. I will only say it is a very personal decision, as is almost every aspect of gestating and birthing a child.

When we found out it was a boy we immedietly began running through the mental list of names we had. Chris was completely convinced it was a girl so we had spent the better part of our time thinking of girl's names. It was quite a frustrating process for me. With Kaylie and Micah I was almost immedietly certain on their names. It came so naturally I never dreamed I would have such a hard time.

Names are important. I truly believe they convey so much about the person as well as family heritage, and by heritage I don't necessarily mean family names. I think of heritage as more about where we have been, where we are, and where we are going.

There were many names we tossed around, but we usually could not agree on a first and second name that really sounded right.
I began to pray this morning that God would reveal to me the name He had for this child. I wanted to hear it and love it, and I wanted it to speak destiny into his life.
I began perusing over the baby name sites for what seemed like the millionth time. Suddenly the name Isaac stuck out to me. The meaning was: He will laugh. Immedietely I thought about all we have been through in these last few months. I thought about the frustration and the heartaches. I then remembered that in the Bible Isaac was the fullfillment of the promise God made to Abraham. He was the result of faith.
We have been on quite the journey of faith this past year, and yet we are continuing to see the promises of God fullfilled in our lives.
How perfect this name is. In spite of the hardship of this past year what joy this baby will bring to our home. I believe that he will indeed be filled with laughter and bring the blessing of joy and promise to all he meets. The middle name has been quite a sticking point for every name we picked out. I went back to a name I like which is Timothy which means to honor God.
So our son will herby be known as Isaac Timothy Medrano.
He will laugh to honor God.
Let it be so.