U.S. bill seeks to rescue faltering newspapers

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Dear Senator Cardin,
I am a poor buggy maker from the rural countryside of Pennsylvania. This business has been in my family for over 100 years. Since the advent of the horseless carriage in the early twentieth century our company has seen a considerable decrease in profit margin. I have maintained a sizeable marketing demographic within the confines of Lancaster county. I still feel that our business could be bolstered with some help from the United States government. I know many will say the buggy has become somehwhat of a technological dinosaur, but I feel by not preserving this business we are doing a disservice to the American people and our rich heritage in this fine craft.

I would love to demonstrate the remarkable experience of riding in a handcrafted, open air buggy. I invite you and any of your collegues in congress to make a trip to Pennsylvania in the near future. I will even offer to have one of my young apprentices pick you up in a covered wagon for a true old west experience.

I look forward to your response in the near future. I am confindent that the representatives of our country will see fit to utilize the taxpayers dollars for such a meaningful and historical business.

Sincerely,
Concerned Businessman

P.S. Due to the fact that buggy making is quite labor intensive perhaps President Obama could make a trip to Pennsylvania and conduct a town hall meeting to discuss the jobs that would be created by subsidizing this business.