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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Back in the Saddle

Close your eyes and imagine Gene Autry serenading you.
Ok are you all with me?
Good, here we are again ambling through the last (fingers crossed) of the dog days of summer.
Yesterday we jumped back into the homeschooling thing. Yup that's right, one year didn't kill us and we're back for more. It has been good to have a routine again. This year is more about learning to incorporate the two younger ones. Last year was quite a struggle with a newborn latched to me pretty much 24/7. I was still working two days a week, and Chris was worn out working two jobs to help keep us afloat. Those were some dark days, not that we did not have moments of joy, but it was a season of tough growth. I look at where we were then and where we are now and I am eternally grateful for the changes God has brought about in out lives.

I have spent a lot of time adapting this summer to being home full time. I have cried a lot, and questioned if my sanity is truly in check. I have doubted my worth, and wondered if I would ever be myself again. I love my children. I have just never felt like a professional mom. As all moms do you start to worry that you will somehow lose who you are trying to take care of everyone else. Then one day I had an epiphany. I have grace and God has equipped me to do this. It is not to take away from who I am, but to enhance those qualities and maybe do some chiseling on those diamonds in the rough. Wiping butts, cleaning the house, teaching my children, reading Curious George Makes Pancakes for the 100th time, is my worship to God. Does this mean I cannot do anything else? Does this mean my only worth will lie in the confines of the domestic? Absolutely not! I will be faithful in what can seem overwhelming yet mundane, in the jobs that many look at with disdain. I will embrace the time God has given me to raise these young souls to fear God and love people fiercely. In these seemingly small things I am building a legacy. I will continue to read, grow, and pursue many personal interests, but I rest securely knowing God is in control of where I am going. Each step is crucial in the journey. There is no use fighting when you can enjoy the scenic road.

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