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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Who's in charge?

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are stopped dead in your tracks by an intervention from the God of the universe? Well I had one such moment today. I have been in constant self inflicted agony over our home situation.

I’ll start from the beginning. This month our refinance fell through. It was partly our decision as we were not willing to shell out more money to apply with Bank of America to consider subordinating our second loan to a new loan. We realized that with no guarantee of approval we would be out more money that this was worth. Even if it was approved, we would save approximately $150 a month while adding an additional $10,000 to what we currently owe. There was always the option of going directly through Bank of America, but that would consist of more fees and that is money that could be going directly towards debt. This brought us back to the selling option. We realize home sales are down, but we have come to the conclusion we would rather break even and start fresh. This has brought a whole new list or worries for an anxious person like me. I spoke with a potential realtor yesterday and suddenly the panic set in. Suddenly I wonder if I can keep the house immaculate enough for showings. I fret over whether or not we will make enough to break even. I worry about finding a new place to live. What if the kids can’t handle the move? What if I can’t handle the move? Should we get an apartment or a house? The idea of strangers probing every nook and cranny of my home makes a bit uneasy. So here I am worrying about everything under the sun, and there is not even a “for sale” sign in the yard yet.

As I was pondering all of these thoughts once again for probably the millionth time I hear a soft yet unmistakably familiar voice. “Do you trust me?” Of course God of course I trust you. What kind of question is that…ok ok maybe I do have some trust issues. It is in that quiet moment when the work world is buzzing around me that I take a deep breath. It is so much easier to fall back into the ever present, unwavering arms of God. I often wonder why I carry such burdens when there is a porch swing out back with a loving heavenly Father waiting to reason with me and let me know that in the end He is in charge and it will be ok.

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