Summer's Winding Down

The heat may not be winding down, but summer vacation is slowly drawing to a close. I looked at the calendar and realized we are only three weeks away from starting school. I knew it was getting closer, but looking at the calendar really made it hit close to home.

We have been out of school for almost three months. What a blessing this time has been. I was so burned out at the end of the year. Mentally it had been a tough year, between finances, new jobs, and dealing with morning sickness the last couple of months of school. Once we were done I wasn't sure I would ever want to start back.
Thankfully God has ordained times and seasons for everything. It is one thing I love about God. Our creator understands our frailty, and the need for rhythms of work and rest.
This week the school bug bit me. I attended a curriculum expo yesterday, and bought all of our curriculum for the upcoming year. It still has to ship, but I could hardly contain my excitement as we drove home. My mind was racing with ideas for field trips, books lists, and ideas for the year.

It is hard to believe we will begin our 5th year of homeschooling. I believe I can safely say I have move out of the novice phase. I actually have a 5th grader. Now that boggles my mind. I did the math, and realized that if we successfully school and graduate all of our children, I will have spent 22 years homeschooling. What a crazy, busy, and wonderful blessing!

We are continuing with My Father's World as our core curriculum. I know everyone has there own methods, and I'm often tempted to look around. Still my motto is, if it's not broke. don't fix it. We are only tweaking a few things in the language arts area. Overall this curriculum has been a godsend for us. I found it when I was new to homeschooling, and had no clue what I was doing. I truly feel God led me to this curriculum, and I have not been disappointed. I love the focus on living books, and family learning. It is a gentle approach that still challenges where it counts. This will be the first year I will have two kids in the family learning cycle. I am excited to watch them fight it out  grow together. I know there will be challenges, but the cohesiveness of learning is a great benefit to all of us.

 Isaac has also begun to express an interest in participating in school work. I have taken the approach of letting him learn as he is ready at this age. With Kaylie I was a little more obsessed with making sure she knew everything early. As a more seasoned parent I now realize how much joy can be taken from a child when there is such pressure to perform at a young age. I have tried to adapt in many ways, but I still see the remnants of frustration that periodically arise due to my earlier mistakes. Thank God for grace and mercy as we grow as parents.

I hope the new school year is a time of reflection and renewal for each of you. There are many hurdles and challenges that lie ahead, but we forget what is behind, and press on ahead. Grace, peace, and joy to each of you as you begin this new year!

It's a Calling

Sometimes I just need to write. It may not be a groundbreaking article that will change how you view everything. It may be a rehash of the same struggles other mom's face. No matter, I just need to write.

Homeschooling is a calling. I don't say that flippantly. It is not easy. It is not for everyone. It is not the best choice for every child or every family. It is a decision made with much gravity. It is a decision that comes with second guessing. Yet for every drawback you know with quiet confidence, deep within your being, this is where you are supposed to be.

I wish every day came with confirmations and signs from heaven that this was the right decision. Of course many days are filled with arguing kids, eye rolling from a pre-teen. and pleading with  my kids to understand the importance of math and writing in the real world.
You will see other families driving newer vehicles, buying the latest gadgets, and enjoying fruits of a two income home. Briefly the seeds of jealousy will try to take root.

And then the moments come. Those moments that you see eternal fruits being born. Fruits that are born of temporary sacrifice.  A problem they have struggled with clicks. They offer insights to issues you have never thought of. You overhear your boys talking about deeper, spiritual things as they lie in their beds at night. You marvel at how much you have learned, just from teaching them.
Ideas are forming in their young minds as they learn to see and question things for themselves.

It is a beautiful picture, that may last for a moment, and then dissolve into a flurry of discord the next.
Still it keeps me moving forward because with each mountain top I get perspective of just how far we've come, and the view ahead, marked with more valleys and peaks, is ever brighter with each step.

and it's Wednesday

Do you ever feel like your failing miserable at this mom thing? I know I can google and find many mommy bloggers who all feel overwhelmed, tired, at their wits end. Of course as much as we try to relate there is something deeply personal about this experience. It is a walk that even  though billions of mothers will walk you must walk yourself. It will be slightly different. You will have to deal with all your faults and failures. All of the things you so carefully try to conceal from the world will meet you face to face as you  fumble through. I find it especially troubling for me today. I have known from the beginning that mothering did not come naturally to me. The hardest part is knowing I love my children more than anything, and yet feeling like I am completely inadequate at meeting their needs.
I start off Monday with the best intentions. I have a plan, I've prayed, I know God is with me. By Wednesday I am ball of tears huddled under my blankets trying to fight off depression with a dwindling little stick. Why during the most important endeavor of my life, raising the little ones who will be the future, why am I such a wreck? As I see all the flesh in me that is selfish, impatient, quick to anger, come bubbling to the surface, I am disgusted.

Lessons on Parenting from My Own Rebellious Heart

It's official, those terrible twos are kicking in with my sweet, little Isaac. He has been unfortunate/fortunate, to gain a very strong stubborn streak that runs in my family. I have been party to some very intense screaming fits as of late. Patience with children does not come naturally to me. These little tantrums become even more difficult to deal with as I try to teach Kaylie and keep Micah busy.
This has led to a lot of frustration and tears as I try to work through this challenging stage in life.
I have been praying daily for God to show me the best way to  handle these outbursts. On one hand I don't want to completely ignore them. I feel he needs to understand what he is doing is not right, but I also know this is him trying to assert his independence and I don't want to be too heavy handed.

Today he started up over a little tiff between he and  his brother. He turned red and began screaming and kicking. Without really thinking I scooped him on my lap and told the other kids to continue playing. I sat holding him as he squirmed, screamed, and kicked. I began to whisper to him gently telling him to calm down and that I loved him. I would not let him go until he was in control.
A quiet whisper came to me as I sat there, and a situation that would normally frustrate me out of my mind became so peaceful.
God reminded me so gently of how often I have wanted my own way. It was not always kicking and screaming on the outside, but my heart would reel in rebellion. I wanted my way and no one was going to tell me otherwise. Even in those times He never let me go. He held me close, just as I did with Isaac, speaking His love and truth to my spirit. No matter how long it takes God will not let go.
After awhile Isaac's protests began to abate. Between his sobs I asked him if he could calm his spirit. Twice he emphatically said no. I told him I know how hard it is. Mommy has been there too. Finally he nestled close to me and gave a sigh. It was a sweet victory for both of us.

Sometimes I wake up and think I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. I try to read up and come up with my own ideas and plans. Usually I end up more overwhelmed than when I started. As I still my own hear I realize the best parenting skills I have found come from the example my Father God has laid out to me.

Feeling Frazzled

Maybe it's just a hitch in my routine, I'm not entirely sure, but today has me feeling frazzled. We had an appointment with the Dr. this morning to get some yearly check ups done for the two oldest. Micah needed some booster vaccinations. Yes I have chosen to allow most vaccinations for my children, but I support those who make the decision not to. I always dread office visits. I appreciate the advent of many modern medical technologies, but sometimes a visit to the doctor seems to be more of a quiz on my parenting decisions, than simply a check up. I believe it all started when I told the doctor I chose not to give my children the flu vaccine. For more information on that decision you can red this link:
http://drbenkim.com/cold-flu-difference-health.html
I'm not here to debate what is right or wrong, but you would have thought I had told the doctor I would prefer to leave my children in the freezing cold with no food or clothing.
Ok maybe that's a little exaggeration, but I know she was not happy with my decision, and she made sure to make several comments and leave me an informational pamphlet in case I changed my mind.
Parenting is a tough job. I struggle daily to make the most informed decisions possible for my children, and sometimes still second guess myself. It can be even harder in a world full of opinions and helpful advice waiting to be dispensed at every corner.
All of this has built up to one frazzling day as I try to steer clear of what everyone "thinks" and still try to maintain my patience while wrangling a toddler and teaching the older ones. 

I guess you could say I need an extra dose of grace today.  It's not just an extra dose for me, but for me to share with those around me. Even as I write this I realize I have been a little thin skinned. Sometimes to truly benefit from the grace Christ has poured out upon us we really have to extend that grace to others, even when it feels like we are on the end of an attack. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go give my children a hug and ask their forgiveness for letting my frazzling day become their frazzling day.

September Baby

September baby you changed my life forever

Laid upon my chest, life would never be the same

A stranger, yet so familiar

Sweet spirit, my heart you did quickly claim

September baby I can never let you go

But the years they keep turning

I know this day will come

For this I am not yearning

September baby I'll hold you close

You're the apple of my eye

No matter where the journey leads

My open arms, always close by

A Race Well Finished

Last Friday we ended our first year of homeschooling. It was the most challenging year of parenting, as I embarked on the adventure of staying home almost full time while balancing an infant, 3 year old, and a 6 year old with a mind of her own. I've never felt like I was a pro at this. I always feel I have to work at it, but my husband constantly reminds me that even when I don't feel adequate, the fact that I acknowledge my weakness and strive to be better is the simple love kids need to thrive.
A quick recap of our year. We started a little later than the public schools as I waited for our materials to arrive. I struggled with whether or not to start Kaylie as a kindergartner (which she would be in the public school system) or to skip up to first grade. The curriculum I chose seemed a little too basic on the kindergarten level. I knew it might be a little too easy, and I didn't want her to be bored half way through the year. We had already started working on some writing, and blending basic consonant-vowel sounds, so I knew she was past reading the usual cat, dog, etc. I continually questioned myself throughout the year, not that she did not do well, but I either worried I was pushing her too hard, or she might not quite be ready for second grade. In those moments I had to take a step back and remind myself why we homeschool. Learning is not a sprint or competition. Each child develops at their own pace. Obviously there are certain markers we use to help realize when certain areas need some improvement, but overall the joy of learning should be what compels us up the ladder.
By the end of this year Kaylie is reading fairly well. I have had her writing several creative stories as well as her first short report on our trip to Belgium. She excelled very well in math. By the end of the year she had started doing two and three digit addition and subtraction. There are still some areas we will continue to brush up on. Telling time has been a bit of a struggle. I believe this is actually due to the fact that she does not go to a brick and mortar school and is not on a rigid schedule. I realized that the best way to remedy this was not simply with worksheets, but keeping a loose schedule throughout the day and writing down the time of days that we do things. This gives her a better sense of what time is as opposed to just reading the clock.
The program we used this year had a lot of fun science experiments. We fed ants, made a water wheel, sprouted and grew bean plants, studied trees and flowers. She really enjoyed this part of school. I am hoping next year we can do even more as Micah will be a little older and more willing to participate.
Kaylie learned a lot about the Bible this year. Her reading lessons took her through an abridged children's version of the old and new testament. It really opened the door for her and I to have a lot of conversations about life in the real world. I know many people feel that homeschooling in a biblical environment causes children to be in a bubble. On the contrary I always strive to be honest with Kaylie in a way she will understand. We do not live in a perfect world, and I know she has seen this first hand. Being together has let us talk about these things, and how God sees things. I love the compassionate heart I see developing her as a result of this.
The most important lessons we learned this year were the ones on patience and forgiveness. I have struggled trying to figure everything out, and have not always been the best teacher, but I have learned to go to Kaylie when I know I have lost my patience and ask for her forgiveness. In turn she has done the same with me. It's not perfect but that is life. Learning to grow and live with one another are some of the most important life lessons.
I am excited for summer and some relaxation. We will continue reading and some writing, but it will be informal and relaxed just to keep us sharp. I plan on using My Father's Worth again next year while supplementing Singapore math, some spelling and Language arts, and probably a foreign language through rosetta stone. My hope is that next year we will continue to develop in our methods. I am also hoping to start my own homeschool connection group. If you homeschool and live in the DFW area and  are looking to connect please contact me.
That pretty much sums it up for the year. It was a bit long, but that's what happens when I take forever to blog.
Any questions or comments on homeschooling? Please leave a comment.

Home School Update

I realized today we have been homeschooling over half the year and I have yet to update. Well I am glad to say we are progressing right along. Believe me it has not been without some heartache. There are many days I know Kaylie and I probably would rather lock ourselves in our rooms because I'll just say it.... home school can be frustrating. I will also say it has been a glorious adventure. I know it is building character in her as well as me. After extensively searching I think we have finally found a little home school network we can fit into and make new friends. This was really key for me. I could see Kaylie really desiring friendship, and I could use some encouragement along the way as well.

We have stuck with the My Father's World curriculum this year. I have enjoyed the layout, being a new homeschooling mom. It gives a well laid out plan, but allows freedom to be creative and move things around. I am still not sure if we will continue with it next year. Meeting other homeschooling parents has opened my eyes to some of the other great curriculum out there. Right now my goal is to finish this year strong. I have definitely realized Kaylie has a high aptitude for math. Yikes! This is not good for momma, but you gotta adapt! I was always more of a reading, literature kind of girl. There is one thing I continue to tell myself, this is not about me. The main reason I did not want her in public school, was because I did not want her learning style to be crammed into their square hole. I have to be careful not to do the same thing when I am teaching her. I wish I had more great insights to offer. I am honestly still feeling my way through the dark. The best thing I can offer is keep at it. It is an exercise in winning your child's heart. It is not about control, but more about building a bond of love so when the day comes for them to choose, they are well equipped to make the right decisions.

My greatest surprise in homeschooling has been Micah's ability to retain information. I am not formally educating him right now. He only overhears what I teach Kaylie. We were all stunned when Kaylie was going over the books in the Old Testament, and he rattled off about half without help. Those are not easy names to remember. I was impressed!

I am in no way a home school expert, but I encourage anyone who has questions or just needs guidance to seek out other moms. Support it so helpful. I am available to answer any questions as best I can, and if you live in the DFW area we can possibly even set up a time to chat.

Well that's my update for "mid-year." I will try and update a couple more times before the end of they year. We have an awesome opportunity to go to Belgium and France this spring for my little brother's wedding. I am hoping to take advantage of this great opportunity to teach some valuable lessons. That is the great thing about homeschooling. We are a traveling classroom!

My Satisfaction

As I sit here with a two month old staring into my eyes , melting my heart with sweet coos, I strain to imagine what life was like before all of this. I love how seamlessly God knits our new little ones into our hearts and family. Isaac has been more than a joy to each of us, and I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of the opportunity to be home. Yes this is true even if there were and still are those moments that I believe I have reached my wits end.
Monday I will go back to work part time, two days a week. I have cried many tears over this. I am grateful it is not full time. I keep reminding myself that two days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet as I sit nursing Isaac and listen to my children laugh as they play and enjoy their fleeting youth, I realize two days is everything to me.
I feel I have grown leaps and bounds in just two months. I have learned more about myself. I have learned more about my children. I have grown closer to Chris. Most importantly I have learned to rely completely and wholly on my Savior Jesus Christ .
There don't seem to be a lot of immediate rewards for sitting up with a baby at 3 am, wiping butts, wearing spit up in lieu of hair gel, and refereeing sibling spats. Yes, not always immediate, but something about mothering has put me in touch with the eternal. It is such a beautiful parallel to the walk with the Lord. When I'm just not feeling the mommy thing some days, I think about legacy. When I go into the workplace I may be the most awesome worker around. I may reach all the coveted achievements, but in the end I am replaceable. In the end no one will remember me for those accomplishments. Then I think about my children, ah MY children. I am shaping and molding for the future, creating deep ties that bind. I am praying and believing for their little lives to be changed, and that they will go out as salt and light in a dark world.
What a journey it is, and I am loving it. I pray for grace as things change a bit again. I know that He is more than willing to give it. I also know that only He knows the deepest desires of my heart, and with God all things are possible!

Counting Blessings

I sit here on an early Wednesday morning enjoying a cup of coffee, listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, and preparing for another work day. My heart is full. Each day this week has brought a reminder of God's unfailing love. I can't adequately explain, but the heaviness that usually overtakes me as I sit down to work has been replaced by such an abiding joy. This is not to say that the day does not bring its trials. I still get frustrated. At times I am overwhelmed when I come home to a plethora of activites that desire my attention. In spite of these Christ remains!

I have another blessing to add to the every growing list. This is for healthy kids. Monday we had check-ups for both Micah and Kaylie. The experience was less than perfect. A long wait beforehand combined with Micah's newly acquired fear of strangers, and a meltdown from both childern after a round of immunizations made the visit mentally tiring. The great news is I have two healthy and thriving kids. Even with Kaylie's recent bouts with asthma, our doctor was quite pleased that neither Kaylie or Micah have needed immediate medical attention recently. I know we are not immune, but with fears of swine flu and all sorts of sickness God has kept us. For this I am grateful.

We undertook another great feat at the beginning of this week. We decided it was time to wean Micah from his pacifier. I know this is a controversial issue with many parents. It was hard for me because Kaylie naturally stopped using a pacifier after her first birthday. On the other hand Micah has clung to his and is ever so reluctant to give it up. We have also been guilty of using this as a crutch. If he was crying or whining persistently it was a natural inclination to pop a pacifier in his mouth. I noticed he did not attempt to talk as much. Any babble that he did do was always with the pacifier in his mouth. I am pleased to say today will be the fourth day Micah has been without his pacifier. We made it through a fairly traumatic doctor's visit and a couple of really fussy nights, but we did it! I know we are probably not completely out of this woods yet, but I know we did the right thing. He is already starting to try and talk more. He had a nice conversation with Chris last night. Of course we are not really sure what it was about, but he was really into it!

I pray that today would be the best Wednesday ever and that you would be acutely aware of God's great love in your life. May you experience all of the peace, joy, and fulness that He has in store for you!

Split Personality

I've been in sort of a sulky mood today. I can't pinpoint an exact cause, but I just feel tired and lackadaisacal. Now that is your S.A.T. word for the day, enjoy the fountain of knowledge I am imparting. This is your cue to roll your eyes at me.

The more I think about it I believe a good portion of my mood can be attributed to a pile of laundry that has rotated between my bed and the laundry basket since the weekend. I spent time cleaning other parts of the house this weekend. I gave myself a pass to delay laundry folding until a later date as a reward for all the other hard work. Ever since I have loathed the laid back Crystal of the weekend. Why oh why weekend Crystal, did you leave me with such a mess when you know good and well I am completely worthless during the work week?
I am still waiting for a reply.

I am also still trying to convince Kaylie that it is possible to keep her room clean during the week, not just on the weekends. This only means that I must make the time to supervise her cleaning efforts because every sane parent knows you cannot leave a four year old alone to clean their room. I suppose this is better than the alternative which includes me tripping over barbies and blocks when tucking the kids in or getting them up.

I believe we've come to the conclusion of this whole sulky bit. Weekend Crystal if you're reading, I'll be waiting for your apology.

That They Would Be Oaks

Isaiah 61:3To grant those who mourn in Zion,Giving them a garland instead of ashes,The oil of gladness instead of mourning,The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting So they will be called oaks of righteousness,The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

As I lay in bed last night Chris and I were discussing our children and the challenges of raising them in this crazy world. I thought about my true desires for each one of them, and this verse from Isaiah came to the forefront of my mind. I believe that each child has giftings and purpose, but no matter where they go or what they do I long to hear them called Oaks of righteoussness, the planting of the Lord. All of this so that He may be glorified.

I love the symbolism of the oak. It has a strong endurance about it. In this I realize that I cannot plant the oak. Of course I have been given the responsibility to care and nurture, to provide sort of a greenhouse for my kids. I feel great privlege and yes, the great gravity of it all. And so I lean heavily not on my own strength for these great tasks, but on my Source of life.

God let me also be an oak of righteousness that our legacy will be a glory only to You.

Why Do They Grow Up so Fast?

With Micah's first birthday rapidly approaching I can't help but feel excitement and sadness. I love my kid's birthdays. Maybe more than they do. It is a blessing to my life to celebrate their the unique contribution they made to the human race the day they made their grand entrance into this world. While some may dread planning parties, noisy kids, and a messy clean up, I embrace it!

All of this nostalgia over upcoming birthdays has me looking at some photos of how the kids have changed. Having Micah has made me remember some of the little things I forgot Kaylie did when she was going through these same stages. There are many similarities in how children develop, but I love how they each do it with their own flair. Here are some pictures of my kids through the years as they have moved, humored, frustrated, and delighted me.

I wanted to post some newborn pictures of Kaylie, but I realized they were not stored on this computer. That will have to be for another time. This picture was taken on vacation when Kaylie was about four months old. She surprised us that night by breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Every parent remembers when their child laughs a real genuine laugh for the first time. It is wonderful.

Here she is at about seven month. Her uncle had just come home from France, and they spent the afternoon goofing around.



This was Kaylie's first birthday. It was a Dora party of course! Chris stayed up late the night before decorating, and she was so thrilled when she woke up the next morning and came downstairs.
On to her second party. which ended up being Dora as well. Dora was like a family member for a few years. There is still nothing comparable to those piercing blue eyes.
Kaylie at her third birthday party. We finally broke the streak and had a princess party at Chuck E. Cheese. She enjoyed it so much and I got a pass on cleaning since I just had Micah two weeks prior. Micah on his first day. He was so sweet and cuddly. I'll never forget the nurse laying him on my chest right after delivery. Those chocolate brown eyes would melt any heart.


I think this was a couple weeks after his birth. He was still getting used to the flashing cameras.
Micah's first trip to the fair. As you can see he wasn't totally impressed. I'm sure that will change this year.
I believe this was taken around Christmas time. Still working on the camera poses.
Micah on his first vacation.

Seven months old and working the camera with a smile.
And here is my boy today, already taking the first steps to full on walking.
Wow they grow up fast, but it's such a fun ride!

Teething is a Nightmare

What happened to my sweet little boy? He has been overtaken by the teething monster. I have heard stories about babies who go absolutely crazy while teething. I didn't believe it. Kaylie never really fussed while she was teething. She never ran a fever. Yes she chewed on things more than usual, but for the most part she just went with the flow. Micah has decided to throw all of our previous parental confidence out the window. So much for thinking all that experience with the first baby would make raising the second a breeze. Micah has proven what every parent says but I had failed to realize until now. Every child is different. Micah has always been a little more clingy since birth. He likes to be held and coddled. He is not usually content to just lie in his crib or sit in a bumbo and chew on a teething ring. I had finally made some peace with this. Chris and I had learned to balance a baby on one knee while eating and allowing a little extra cuddle time after getting up in the morning. He had started gaining that cute little baby personality, laughing, smiling, and babbling a lot of intelligent baby wisdom. Suddenly a few weeks ago things began to seriously change. It started with an almost constant drool. No problem, nothing a burp rag and a few extra changes of clothes can't handle. Then came an instinct to chomp down and gum on anything that comes close to his mouth. Who knew gums could injure a finger so badly? Next came the continuous crying as he chews on his own hand. At this point it is almost impossible to make him happy. If I hold him he still whines, if I give him a teething ring he gets frustrated because he can't shove the whole thing in his mouth. I even have tried oragel which works temporarily, but in no way solves the problem. I work so hard to get a smile or even a little laugh, but he just seems uncomfortable most of the time. I know time is really the only solution, but my sanity is wearing thin. When it's all over I 'll look back and this will seem like a little blip in the entire spectrum of child rearing, but for now I'm just praying for those little teeth to start coming in!

No More Hernia

Three months ago today, my sweet baby Micah was born. To celebrate today he had his inguinal hernia repaired. Our day started off at 5 am. I am seeing a medical trend here, they like to get us in early. I already felt horrible because Micah could not have any formula after midnight. He ate his last bottle around 9pm last night. I knew he would wake up in the wee hours of the morning ready to eat again. Fortunately he drank some pedialite and went to sleep. We all got up groggy and hungry, but we had to be at the surgery center by 6:30. I wasn't sure what kind of time frame we would be looking at. We came prepared for the long haul. My little man was absolutely wonderful in spite of the circumstances. When I was done filling out paperwork, I came to the back room where Chris had taken Micah. He was smiling and cooing at the nurses. He was just plain adorbale in his little Cook's Children's t-shirt and socks. I forgot my camera so no pictures. When they came to take him back he looked upset and stared at us wondering why we were not going with him as he was wheeled down the hall. We both went to the waiting room and started crying. It actually went by faster than I thought it would, but my heart goes out to all of the people who have children who require a lot of surgery and hospital visits. It is so hard to release your child's care into the hands of others. The doctor came out about 45 minutes later informing us everything had went well. Of course we were told Micah would have to refrain from horeseback riding and driving for at least 6 weeks! We haven't told Micah yet. Twenty minutes later we were brought back to the recovery room. He was hungry, but other than that he was his usual self. We were released by 9:30. A three hour turnaround is not bad. Micah is resting close to daddy now. Thank God for His graciousness and protection.