Lessons on Parenting from My Own Rebellious Heart

It's official, those terrible twos are kicking in with my sweet, little Isaac. He has been unfortunate/fortunate, to gain a very strong stubborn streak that runs in my family. I have been party to some very intense screaming fits as of late. Patience with children does not come naturally to me. These little tantrums become even more difficult to deal with as I try to teach Kaylie and keep Micah busy.
This has led to a lot of frustration and tears as I try to work through this challenging stage in life.
I have been praying daily for God to show me the best way to  handle these outbursts. On one hand I don't want to completely ignore them. I feel he needs to understand what he is doing is not right, but I also know this is him trying to assert his independence and I don't want to be too heavy handed.

Today he started up over a little tiff between he and  his brother. He turned red and began screaming and kicking. Without really thinking I scooped him on my lap and told the other kids to continue playing. I sat holding him as he squirmed, screamed, and kicked. I began to whisper to him gently telling him to calm down and that I loved him. I would not let him go until he was in control.
A quiet whisper came to me as I sat there, and a situation that would normally frustrate me out of my mind became so peaceful.
God reminded me so gently of how often I have wanted my own way. It was not always kicking and screaming on the outside, but my heart would reel in rebellion. I wanted my way and no one was going to tell me otherwise. Even in those times He never let me go. He held me close, just as I did with Isaac, speaking His love and truth to my spirit. No matter how long it takes God will not let go.
After awhile Isaac's protests began to abate. Between his sobs I asked him if he could calm his spirit. Twice he emphatically said no. I told him I know how hard it is. Mommy has been there too. Finally he nestled close to me and gave a sigh. It was a sweet victory for both of us.

Sometimes I wake up and think I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. I try to read up and come up with my own ideas and plans. Usually I end up more overwhelmed than when I started. As I still my own hear I realize the best parenting skills I have found come from the example my Father God has laid out to me.

A Mind Blowing Truth

You may want to take a seat, this may blow your mind. Are you sitting? Ok take a deep breath. I'm not sure how to break this to you so I'm going to just come out and say it.


Jesus  is not a democrat OR a republican.    * insert crickets chirping


Does this change the truth of who He is? Absolutely not! Does this mean we do not vote or live our lives according to truth and moral standards? Absolutely not! Does this mean we love everyone, just the way Jesus loved? Absolutely!

 John 1:14
And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus...full of GRACE and TRUTH.

For those of us who believe we must season our truth with grace. This does not make the truth any less true. In fact you will find grace brings us to the feet of Jesus. When we extend that grace we point others to the feet of Jesus. The feet of TRUTH! 

Feeling Frazzled

Maybe it's just a hitch in my routine, I'm not entirely sure, but today has me feeling frazzled. We had an appointment with the Dr. this morning to get some yearly check ups done for the two oldest. Micah needed some booster vaccinations. Yes I have chosen to allow most vaccinations for my children, but I support those who make the decision not to. I always dread office visits. I appreciate the advent of many modern medical technologies, but sometimes a visit to the doctor seems to be more of a quiz on my parenting decisions, than simply a check up. I believe it all started when I told the doctor I chose not to give my children the flu vaccine. For more information on that decision you can red this link:
http://drbenkim.com/cold-flu-difference-health.html
I'm not here to debate what is right or wrong, but you would have thought I had told the doctor I would prefer to leave my children in the freezing cold with no food or clothing.
Ok maybe that's a little exaggeration, but I know she was not happy with my decision, and she made sure to make several comments and leave me an informational pamphlet in case I changed my mind.
Parenting is a tough job. I struggle daily to make the most informed decisions possible for my children, and sometimes still second guess myself. It can be even harder in a world full of opinions and helpful advice waiting to be dispensed at every corner.
All of this has built up to one frazzling day as I try to steer clear of what everyone "thinks" and still try to maintain my patience while wrangling a toddler and teaching the older ones. 

I guess you could say I need an extra dose of grace today.  It's not just an extra dose for me, but for me to share with those around me. Even as I write this I realize I have been a little thin skinned. Sometimes to truly benefit from the grace Christ has poured out upon us we really have to extend that grace to others, even when it feels like we are on the end of an attack. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go give my children a hug and ask their forgiveness for letting my frazzling day become their frazzling day.

Back in the Saddle

Close your eyes and imagine Gene Autry serenading you.
Ok are you all with me?
Good, here we are again ambling through the last (fingers crossed) of the dog days of summer.
Yesterday we jumped back into the homeschooling thing. Yup that's right, one year didn't kill us and we're back for more. It has been good to have a routine again. This year is more about learning to incorporate the two younger ones. Last year was quite a struggle with a newborn latched to me pretty much 24/7. I was still working two days a week, and Chris was worn out working two jobs to help keep us afloat. Those were some dark days, not that we did not have moments of joy, but it was a season of tough growth. I look at where we were then and where we are now and I am eternally grateful for the changes God has brought about in out lives.

I have spent a lot of time adapting this summer to being home full time. I have cried a lot, and questioned if my sanity is truly in check. I have doubted my worth, and wondered if I would ever be myself again. I love my children. I have just never felt like a professional mom. As all moms do you start to worry that you will somehow lose who you are trying to take care of everyone else. Then one day I had an epiphany. I have grace and God has equipped me to do this. It is not to take away from who I am, but to enhance those qualities and maybe do some chiseling on those diamonds in the rough. Wiping butts, cleaning the house, teaching my children, reading Curious George Makes Pancakes for the 100th time, is my worship to God. Does this mean I cannot do anything else? Does this mean my only worth will lie in the confines of the domestic? Absolutely not! I will be faithful in what can seem overwhelming yet mundane, in the jobs that many look at with disdain. I will embrace the time God has given me to raise these young souls to fear God and love people fiercely. In these seemingly small things I am building a legacy. I will continue to read, grow, and pursue many personal interests, but I rest securely knowing God is in control of where I am going. Each step is crucial in the journey. There is no use fighting when you can enjoy the scenic road.

My Satisfaction

As I sit here with a two month old staring into my eyes , melting my heart with sweet coos, I strain to imagine what life was like before all of this. I love how seamlessly God knits our new little ones into our hearts and family. Isaac has been more than a joy to each of us, and I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of the opportunity to be home. Yes this is true even if there were and still are those moments that I believe I have reached my wits end.
Monday I will go back to work part time, two days a week. I have cried many tears over this. I am grateful it is not full time. I keep reminding myself that two days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet as I sit nursing Isaac and listen to my children laugh as they play and enjoy their fleeting youth, I realize two days is everything to me.
I feel I have grown leaps and bounds in just two months. I have learned more about myself. I have learned more about my children. I have grown closer to Chris. Most importantly I have learned to rely completely and wholly on my Savior Jesus Christ .
There don't seem to be a lot of immediate rewards for sitting up with a baby at 3 am, wiping butts, wearing spit up in lieu of hair gel, and refereeing sibling spats. Yes, not always immediate, but something about mothering has put me in touch with the eternal. It is such a beautiful parallel to the walk with the Lord. When I'm just not feeling the mommy thing some days, I think about legacy. When I go into the workplace I may be the most awesome worker around. I may reach all the coveted achievements, but in the end I am replaceable. In the end no one will remember me for those accomplishments. Then I think about my children, ah MY children. I am shaping and molding for the future, creating deep ties that bind. I am praying and believing for their little lives to be changed, and that they will go out as salt and light in a dark world.
What a journey it is, and I am loving it. I pray for grace as things change a bit again. I know that He is more than willing to give it. I also know that only He knows the deepest desires of my heart, and with God all things are possible!

Humbling

I must say being a mother is the most humbling experience. I realize on a daily basis that it is not all about me. Without Jesus I can't do this thing.
Some days I feel like a failure, but I will just keep getting back up because that's what makes a winner in this life.
I will try my hardest and when I come up short, I've got grace to pick up the slack.
Thank you Jesus!

The Neverending Theme

I enjoy reading other people's blogs. It gives me a peek into the challenges and joy of other's. This also reinforces to me that so often people are experiencing the same questions, internal battles, and life events that I am or have gone through. I have found it to be one of the delights of technology. Of course it has its pitfalls, but finally the common man has an outlet outside of publishing a book or waiting till death when some historian discovers your long lost diary.

I started all this to say I really relish reading new years blogs. I love the excitement and anticipation of a new year. I also love the wistful memories of the year past. It is always a bittersweet time, letting go of the old, and bringing in the new. I will try to not let the bitter overcome the sweet. It is a new year, and I know that I have no guarantee in this life other than the saving grace of Jesus. On this I will rest all my hopes and dreams for the new year. Come what may, He will never change.

Happy New Year


Lamentations 3:22-24 (Message Translation)
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
His merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great Your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.