Happy Birthday Grandma

Today would have been my grandmother's birthday. It's been over a year since she went on to her reward, but who she was continues to be ingrained into the fabric of my life today. I know I have mentioned at least once if not more my greatest memory of her. That will always be her smiling face waiting for me at the breakfast table. As a child you never really think about the life that was before you. Everything you know about a person seems to inherently be the way they have always been. As I get older I think about my own life before and after children. I realize how much life my grandmother lived even before I was even a thought in anyone's mind. I think about the trials and tribulations she faced raising her own children, living on modest means, running a small town business with my grandfather. Even though no metaphorical ship ever came in for them she lived her life with a joy few ever really know.
I miss her today. On mornings that feel particularly rough there is almost nothing I wouldn't give to walk down the hallway of her house, led by the most irresistible smell of bacon and see her sitting at that breakfast table ready to talk to me and make me feel like the most important person in the world.
Even though that is no longer possible in this life, the reminder of a woman tested by time, marked with joy, a lover of God, gives me encouragement to live my life in the same manner.

My Satisfaction

As I sit here with a two month old staring into my eyes , melting my heart with sweet coos, I strain to imagine what life was like before all of this. I love how seamlessly God knits our new little ones into our hearts and family. Isaac has been more than a joy to each of us, and I have thoroughly enjoyed every moment of the opportunity to be home. Yes this is true even if there were and still are those moments that I believe I have reached my wits end.
Monday I will go back to work part time, two days a week. I have cried many tears over this. I am grateful it is not full time. I keep reminding myself that two days is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet as I sit nursing Isaac and listen to my children laugh as they play and enjoy their fleeting youth, I realize two days is everything to me.
I feel I have grown leaps and bounds in just two months. I have learned more about myself. I have learned more about my children. I have grown closer to Chris. Most importantly I have learned to rely completely and wholly on my Savior Jesus Christ .
There don't seem to be a lot of immediate rewards for sitting up with a baby at 3 am, wiping butts, wearing spit up in lieu of hair gel, and refereeing sibling spats. Yes, not always immediate, but something about mothering has put me in touch with the eternal. It is such a beautiful parallel to the walk with the Lord. When I'm just not feeling the mommy thing some days, I think about legacy. When I go into the workplace I may be the most awesome worker around. I may reach all the coveted achievements, but in the end I am replaceable. In the end no one will remember me for those accomplishments. Then I think about my children, ah MY children. I am shaping and molding for the future, creating deep ties that bind. I am praying and believing for their little lives to be changed, and that they will go out as salt and light in a dark world.
What a journey it is, and I am loving it. I pray for grace as things change a bit again. I know that He is more than willing to give it. I also know that only He knows the deepest desires of my heart, and with God all things are possible!

A Woman Who Changed the World

The smell of bacon, eggs, toast, and Folgers, that's a memory I will carry for the rest of my life. It will always be a reminder of childhood and waking up in my grandparents house, running into the kitchen, and seeing them sitting together reading the Word of God and praying together at the breakfast table. At the time the importance did not sink into my childhood brain. It was just what they did. It was who they were. Little did I know there sat a man and woman in a small town changing the world.

Today Grandma Zola went home to be with Jesus and our Heavenly Father. She battled cancer for years, and the toll it took only increased after my grandfather died. I thought I was prepared. I had expected the phone call to come at any moment in the last few days, but when it did I still broke down in sobs. Grandma was a giant of the faith. When she put her faith in God, there was no turning back. She did what she said, and said what she meant. She was a stubborn lady, a streak that runs fairly deep in our family. I am grateful for that though. She loved like no other. Her home was open to everyone. The woman was a prayer warrior. I remember she prayed about everything. Oh how she loved family. Her desire was that every person she meet come to know the love of her Savior. She touched an entire town and people who have gone out into the world to share that message, all because she was faithful.

I love her so much. There were many a times her love for me came in the form of discipline. I could have quite the sassy mouth. I am grateful for her correction. She always had her eye on the end result which was good character and integrity. She was quick to back up the discipline with love and encouragement. Her inheritance was many faithful, children,grandchildren , and great grand children.

Today grandma stepped into eternity with her Savior. She has been reunited with so many loved ones. I cannot even imagine the joy she is feeling. She is in the place she prepared her life for, as she sought to prepare those around her. As Hebrews 13:14 says
For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come.
I just get excited as I think about the reality and truth behind this. It is not some fairytale we conjure in our minds, but truth. Our time on earth is so short, but like grandma, everything we do should be with an eye on eternity. With that mindset we love more, we serve more, and we give more because it is not about this city made with man's hands, but the city we seek made by God.

I wanted to share some random memories I have. They are the precious gems I will carry with me for the rest of my journey.

1. Biscuits and gravy. Grandma made the best and she always made sure to have them when we were around.
2. Apricot preserves. The food list could get pretty long, but the apricot preserves were great on the biscuits.
3. Naps. She was always trying to get the grand kids to take naps. She would get cots out, and play a record I think was called Airplane to Sleepy Town.
   
4. Chicken foot. She and my grandpa loved playing a variation of dominoes called chicken foot. They would get so competitive, and then she would start laughing so hard by the end.
   
5. Readers Digest. She had so many dating back to the 1970's. I always wondered what she did with all of those.
6. Her backyard. Grandma was constantly trying to get us away from the TV and outside to play. She would give us old boxes from their plumbing business and tell us to be creative. Grandma was ahead of her time trying to beat the childhood obesity epidemic! :)
7. Lunch. Whenever we were there visiting everyone would come in from work for lunch. I have some great memories sitting around her dining room table with everyone.
8. Pow-wows. This is what grandma called pep talks she would give us before we went out to a restaurant. This is where she admonished us to behave and be Christ like examples while we were in public. Not sure if I always accomplished that one.
9. Sunday School. Grandmas taught the ladies Sunday School class. She was a great teacher.
10. Kisses. Whenever we walked in the door she would grab our face and plant the biggest kiss on the cheek.

There are so many memories, it is hard to condense them into one post. I will miss her more than anything, but today she is free. Knowing this it is hard to want anything less