Little Glimpses

Day to day life has it's own way of clouding our vision. The vision that looks upward to a home that will one day be forever. Ever once in awhile the heavens open and we are given another glimpse of what is really there all the time.

Late Friday night I received the call I had been expecting for days. My grandpa Walt had died after a long, full life on this earth, 88 years to be exact. I have become more accustomed to this after experiencing the more recent deaths of my grandparents on my mother's side, but this was somewhat momentous for it was the loss of my last grandparent. It is a solemn reminder that time marches on, and we will each face this day at one point or another. I feel sad knowing that I will not be seeing him again on this earth, but it opens my eyes once again to the joy that awaits on the other side.

Goodbye grandpa, thank you for the gift of life and family. Until we meet again.

Walter Taubeneck
February 10, 1924- November 2, 2012

That Warm Feeling

A week or so ago it really hit me. My dad could have been dead just a few short months ago. The mind processes things in such a weird way. It's not that the reality was not there for me, but it was if I was somehow insulated. My body went into auto-pilot. I often hear cancer described as a battle, and this is exactly what I feel we have experienced. Immediately after hearing the news we put our game faces on and prepared for war. There were moments I cried, but I think the reality of death really never set in. As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season it really sunk in how different this time could have been if even one thing had been done differently. I guess what I really want to say is how grateful I am that once again my dad will be sitting at the head of the table as we eat our Thanksgiving meal. I get teary eyed thinking about our family getting cozy by the fire to watch a favorite Christmas movie. My heart floods with joy to think that my dad and I can once again enjoy our traditional Christmas Eve midnight service. My children will gather around papa another year decorating the tree and marveling at the lights. A lot of people say it, and I think it sometimes loses meaning, but I don't need anything for Christmas, but the wonderful intangibles I have been so richly blessed with. Our traditions bring me more joy than any store bought gift could ever bring.
I know we will all die one day. This body is finite, but I believe that the experiences we are given on this earth are God ordained, and through the trials and tears He delights in our joy just as much as we delight in Him. I am grateful for one more year with the people I love. I am grateful that my daddy is with us today.

A Woman Who Changed the World

The smell of bacon, eggs, toast, and Folgers, that's a memory I will carry for the rest of my life. It will always be a reminder of childhood and waking up in my grandparents house, running into the kitchen, and seeing them sitting together reading the Word of God and praying together at the breakfast table. At the time the importance did not sink into my childhood brain. It was just what they did. It was who they were. Little did I know there sat a man and woman in a small town changing the world.

Today Grandma Zola went home to be with Jesus and our Heavenly Father. She battled cancer for years, and the toll it took only increased after my grandfather died. I thought I was prepared. I had expected the phone call to come at any moment in the last few days, but when it did I still broke down in sobs. Grandma was a giant of the faith. When she put her faith in God, there was no turning back. She did what she said, and said what she meant. She was a stubborn lady, a streak that runs fairly deep in our family. I am grateful for that though. She loved like no other. Her home was open to everyone. The woman was a prayer warrior. I remember she prayed about everything. Oh how she loved family. Her desire was that every person she meet come to know the love of her Savior. She touched an entire town and people who have gone out into the world to share that message, all because she was faithful.

I love her so much. There were many a times her love for me came in the form of discipline. I could have quite the sassy mouth. I am grateful for her correction. She always had her eye on the end result which was good character and integrity. She was quick to back up the discipline with love and encouragement. Her inheritance was many faithful, children,grandchildren , and great grand children.

Today grandma stepped into eternity with her Savior. She has been reunited with so many loved ones. I cannot even imagine the joy she is feeling. She is in the place she prepared her life for, as she sought to prepare those around her. As Hebrews 13:14 says
For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come.
I just get excited as I think about the reality and truth behind this. It is not some fairytale we conjure in our minds, but truth. Our time on earth is so short, but like grandma, everything we do should be with an eye on eternity. With that mindset we love more, we serve more, and we give more because it is not about this city made with man's hands, but the city we seek made by God.

I wanted to share some random memories I have. They are the precious gems I will carry with me for the rest of my journey.

1. Biscuits and gravy. Grandma made the best and she always made sure to have them when we were around.
2. Apricot preserves. The food list could get pretty long, but the apricot preserves were great on the biscuits.
3. Naps. She was always trying to get the grand kids to take naps. She would get cots out, and play a record I think was called Airplane to Sleepy Town.
   
4. Chicken foot. She and my grandpa loved playing a variation of dominoes called chicken foot. They would get so competitive, and then she would start laughing so hard by the end.
   
5. Readers Digest. She had so many dating back to the 1970's. I always wondered what she did with all of those.
6. Her backyard. Grandma was constantly trying to get us away from the TV and outside to play. She would give us old boxes from their plumbing business and tell us to be creative. Grandma was ahead of her time trying to beat the childhood obesity epidemic! :)
7. Lunch. Whenever we were there visiting everyone would come in from work for lunch. I have some great memories sitting around her dining room table with everyone.
8. Pow-wows. This is what grandma called pep talks she would give us before we went out to a restaurant. This is where she admonished us to behave and be Christ like examples while we were in public. Not sure if I always accomplished that one.
9. Sunday School. Grandmas taught the ladies Sunday School class. She was a great teacher.
10. Kisses. Whenever we walked in the door she would grab our face and plant the biggest kiss on the cheek.

There are so many memories, it is hard to condense them into one post. I will miss her more than anything, but today she is free. Knowing this it is hard to want anything less

Little Experiement

Since we've established from previous posts that I'm a cynic I've decided to embark on a little experiment for the next few days. Anytime words that are less than positive come to my mind, I am going to try with everything within me to change them to something more positive before they tumble out in word form. I must be honest. I am sure I will not be perfect, but I am trying to really see things as God sees them. I know this does not involve glossing over truth but I also want to try and set my mind on things above as the Bible states.

With God so far above our feeble mind and residing outside of time it is a wonderment to me what it is that keeps Him so in love with this human race. I may never completely fathom this great love, but I want to try my hardest to see as He sees so I can love as He loves. I admit my great weakness in this area. May He make me strong.

I will try to journal some of my experiences privately and share what seems relevant here. For now I leave you with this

Proverbs 18:21

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

I Can't Take It With Me?

Stress has been eating at me for awhile. I don't want many thing for myself, but I have a desire to see my loved ones have everything they could want. I'm not a perfectionist or a neat freak, but I long for my house to be perfect. I can work myself into a tizzy adding to my list of to-do's, and the things I hope to do someday. I hear this is fairly common in our fast paced world, but I have been fortunate enough to hear something screaming at me in the depths of my subconscious. Am I so busy worrying about tomorrow that I forget to live out today? The kids will only get older, and I too will grow old and meet my end. When it is all said and said and done I can't take perfection with me. The grasping for the ever dangling carrot will vanish.
Plans are good when they act as a guide, but they can be deadly when they control.

One Year Later

How do you fill such a big void, when no one else compares? They say time heals wounds, but what if time just let's it settle in further?

I have been reflecting this afternoon. It has almost been one year since my grandpa Jack, passed away. The year has gone rather quickly, and sometimes I feel like I just heard the news for the first time. We always called him papa. He was such an anchor in this family, someone you always just knew would be there. I rarely heard a cross word come from his mouth, he preferred to make people laugh. He used to call me Cris, and would always sing silly songs. I could go on and on about how he loved people and they loved him. He was an upstanding member of the community, a staple of his town. His great character is achieved by very few men. He loved his wife. You could tell they still had that spark even after 6 decades together. Even at the end when he was in pain I knew he hung on because he loved her so.

All of these memories give me joy because I know his legacy is so great. They still don't bring back papa. One year later that is still sinking in.