Culmination of Anticipation

Am I the only one with a twinge of sadness on Christmas Eve? I'm excited, but it all ends so quickly. Really the anticipation started for me near the end of September and early October. Not that I really start a countdown to Christmas. It's more that autumn ushers in a time of many traditions and purposeful family togetherness that all culminate in the celebration of Christmas.

As we slide into the new year, things will calm down. Life will pick up it's usual steady pace. People will buckle down at work and school for the winter months knowing that the next real break is quite a ways down the road.

I am okay with this. It is the rhythm of life and our greatest revelry would be nothing without these cycles.
Still as I sit back and watch my little one's eyes sparkle with excitement and anticipation I can't help but think it all goes by so fast.

A Time to Reflect

The season of advent is upon us. I cannot quench the childlike expectancy that begins to rise in my heart as we enter the season of joy, family, and togetherness, I don't pretend to believe Jesus was born in December. I understand so many rituals have pagan origins. Yet I am grateful, because He was born we have redemption. The invasion of our Saviour to our humble world is worth celebrating whether that time was chosen to be February, June, or August.

What I love about this season is how the ordinary becomes extraordinary. Plain houses suddenly become dazzling light displays, a family meal suddenly becomes a special occasion, the fire dances a little higher, and our hearts feel just a little fuller.
What a beautiful picture displayed of that amazing event.  When Jesus made his grand entrance it was into a plain, broken, and ugly world. The setting wasn't dazzling. The conditions far from perfect, but this was from the natural perspective. For some brief moments shepherds, mere mortals, got a glimpse of what was happening in the spiritual realm  It was something glorious. A force that was transforming what was broken and ordinary into something that would be extraordinary.

It is this that gives me cause to reflect and cause to celebrate. I could rant and rave about the commercialization of Christmas, but there is only credence in this if we let our hearts be led towards this.
I for one will celebrate with lights, gifts, food, and family, but it all means nothing without the Light. It all means nothing no matter what the season if we don't have the Light.

That Warm Feeling

A week or so ago it really hit me. My dad could have been dead just a few short months ago. The mind processes things in such a weird way. It's not that the reality was not there for me, but it was if I was somehow insulated. My body went into auto-pilot. I often hear cancer described as a battle, and this is exactly what I feel we have experienced. Immediately after hearing the news we put our game faces on and prepared for war. There were moments I cried, but I think the reality of death really never set in. As we prepare for the upcoming holiday season it really sunk in how different this time could have been if even one thing had been done differently. I guess what I really want to say is how grateful I am that once again my dad will be sitting at the head of the table as we eat our Thanksgiving meal. I get teary eyed thinking about our family getting cozy by the fire to watch a favorite Christmas movie. My heart floods with joy to think that my dad and I can once again enjoy our traditional Christmas Eve midnight service. My children will gather around papa another year decorating the tree and marveling at the lights. A lot of people say it, and I think it sometimes loses meaning, but I don't need anything for Christmas, but the wonderful intangibles I have been so richly blessed with. Our traditions bring me more joy than any store bought gift could ever bring.
I know we will all die one day. This body is finite, but I believe that the experiences we are given on this earth are God ordained, and through the trials and tears He delights in our joy just as much as we delight in Him. I am grateful for one more year with the people I love. I am grateful that my daddy is with us today.

It May Be Crazy, but I'll Take It

Late Christmas day I stood in the kitchen washing dishes. My feet were tired and I was generally just emotionlly and physically tired. I love Christmas, but after a long two days of last minute shopping, hauling gifts to grandparents, hauling gifts home, and cooking my body was exhausted. I quickly realized that maybe there were one too many toys that made various squeaks and noises. Couple that with the occasional sibling argument over a toy, and I was ready to lock myself away for some peace and quiet.

I love to look back on these moments because God has a way of subtly shifting the heart's focus. As the ipod played Christmas music in the background a song came on that instantly took me back six years in time. I was a broken woman, broken from loss. I was still recovering from a miscarriage two months prior. It was a pregnancy I had not particularly planned or been too enthusiastic about in the beginning which made the eventual loss all the more devastating. God had been working in me to build the heart of a mother. Before I was all too selfish and absorbed with the inconvenience a child could bring. As my heart and mentality began to change I was crushed when it all seemed to be ripped away with one trip to the doctor and a heartbreaking sonogram.

That Christmas all my heart longed for was a child, not a baby to replace the one lost, but to soothe the aching mother's heart that had been conceived, but not fully formed. Little did I know that Christmas season that just two weeks later I would find out I was carrying our beloved Kaylie. She was my Christmas gift, and one that would carry Chris and I to a new level of love as people and parents. God was faithful to us that Christmas and has continued that work of chiseling a mother's heart into me.

As I came back to the reality of loud toys and boisterous children I looked at the situation from a different place. These children are my gifts and my inheritence. It may be crazy and I may be tired, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Loved Every Minute

Tonight the Christmas tree and other miscellaneous decorations will come down. We tried to make the tree last till New Years. It is unfortunate but live trees do not last well in the presence of our blaring heater. You can barely see the tree skirt as it has been replaced by a blanket of needles. Micah also took it upon himself to start taking down ornaments over the last couple of days. The tree is pretty much bare from his height down. Taking down the tree is like ripping a bandaid off. I cannot think about. I just have to do it. It is a shame after so much excitement and anticipation it all winds down so quickly. Alas that is simply life. I must keep a brave face for Kaylie. She was already heartbroken when I mentioned eventually taking down the tree on Christmas Day. Her responce was completely dumbfounded, as she innocently asked, "Christmas is already over?" She has such a merry heart. A week past Christmas she is still humming Christmas tunes. I am glad the message still rings true to her, and I hope it does not fade even as the twinkle of lights begins to dim.

In spite of Christmas being over we made many new memories. I decided to keep things happy and lighthearted so I decided to share a quick rundown of our Christmas events.
We had a traditional Christmas Eve as a family. Traditional in every way except for the blanket of snow sitting outside the window. I was released from work at 11am and enjoyed the afternoon by getting a few last minute gifts and then settling in at my aunt's house for some Christmas treats. Kaylie was completely amazed by the snow. She told me she had prayed for snow. She was so excited to see her prayers answered. We went out for a bit, but that did not last long. I am fairly cynical when it comes to any reports of snow in Texas, and I had not prepared well for a snowstorm. Kaylie is also a true Texan. She loves the look of snow, but about five minutes outside, and she was freezing to death. Micah was excited, but still too young to really understand what the commotion was about.

We had a great dinner at Italianni's followed by my absolute favorite dessert, the tartuffo. I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly. I am fairly certain that if their is a special dessert in heaven this is it. I always share with someone because I am embarrassed to say that I would eat a whole piece, which is not small. I must set some restrictions on myself.

Gift opening was fun. It is more fun to watch your kids. I was still very blessed by the family. My favorite part was really just being together, and feeling the joy and festivity that comes from grateful hearts. The weather was quite bad, but my dad and I still ventured out for the midnight mass. We were 2 of maybe 15 people in attendance. It was actually quite special. The chill of the night was quickly dampened as warm candlelight and joyful voices filled the air. The pastor gave a wonderful homily which was very relevant and gripping. I am not trying to knock the Lutheran chruch, but I have been to many services where the sermon was a bit weak, and the pastor got off on too many rabbit trails. The most surprising event was that the pastor actually came to speak with us afterward. After 10 years of attending this Christmas Eve service, he recognized us. I'm sure they find it quite humorous that we are so faithful to that Christmas Eve service even in inclement weather, but have never set foot in the church any other time of the year. Well no explanation really needed. Whether they know it or not we are of one faith serving the same God. We just happen to attend another church the rest of the year =)

Christmas Day was very special. It has been awhile since we spent the whole day together as a family. I cooked a prime rib with sides, and my mom prepared turkey and desserts. Chris' mom was with us as well as friends who are just as much family. We ate too much, played the wii, watched t.v., talked, laughed, and played games. It was everything Christmas should be. I am so grateful for family and friends. Thank you to Chris, Kaylie, Micah, Mom, Dad, Allyster,Melody,Mom #2, Mark, Trish, and big Micah. You guys made this a Christmas for the history books. I loved every minute.

Christmas is Upon Us

A light shining, piercing the darkness. Jesus did come, and oh what a glorious day when He will come again, but for now we take pause to remember. I have read blogs and heard sermons over many many Christmases and you know what? It never gets old. It is such great news!

The time has come once again for all the yearly rituals to culminate into the much anticipated day we call Christmas. I am excited. I am happy because I cannot wait to bless my children and family. They are a blessing to me throughout the year, and there is nothing better than to give. Whether you have tangible or intangible gifts this year, there is something wonderful and sacred about time set apart to reflect on the goodness and love that has kept us together. I believe this is the core of tradition. I do not particularly care if you believe Jesus was born in December or September. It is not a certain day that we celebrate, it is an occurrence that rocked the foundations of the world as we know it. It is a time reminding us year after year that no matter how much darkness or empitness you feel, there is a Light that came to break that darkness and fill the emptiness.

We will celebrate today and tomorrow not for what we are able to give through ourselves, but to be a conduit of the love that was so freely given to us.

Have a very merry Christmas!

Christmas Withdrawl

It amazes me how one day can change everything. How is it that Christmas decorations can seem so lively and festive on December 25h, but December 26th it all seems awkward and out of place. I suddenly realize reality must be faced tomorrow and somehow I must learn to face it without the glowing lights and soundtrack of merry Christmas tunes. In spite of the withdrawl another year is approaching fast, and a little spark of anticipation begins to grow in hopes for the new year.

I really wanted to add pictures to this blog, but I am just so terrible at sitting down and getting them uploaded and organized. I blog rather impulsively and this does not lend well to any form of organization. I will probably end up getting them all out in one huge picture blog. Never the less without the pictures to aid I will recount our Christmas day.

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve. Dinner was wonderful and we pretty much followed the usual routine. I wrote Christmas letters for everyone, following the lead from my dad who had done this a few Christmases before. It made for a little teary eyed prelude to the gift opening, but what are gifts if no one knows how much they are really appreciated. Kaylie was very excited and a little overwhelmed with all of her gifts. Chris bought me a new 10.2 megapixel camera. After that I really should be posting more pictures. My brother also surprised us with a gift certificate for a night out together at Del Frisco's. That was pretty awesome as well. My parents gave us some gift cards and monetary gifts. We were extremely grateful and were blessed beyond our expectations. All of the kids chipped in to get my dad a blue ray player for his new T.V. Micah was pretty much content to sit by sucking on his fingers while we opened his gifts. My dad and I attended services Christmas Eve. It was especially meaningful. The last hymn we sang was Joy to the World. In the Luthern church everyone stands as the crucifix enters at the beginning of the service and then again at the end as we watch it exit. As we sang that last hymn I looked at that cross and my heart flooded with hope. In spite of economic woes and turmoil abroad everyone sang with such gusto. What peace we can have knowing who is in control. He truly does rule the world with truth and grace! We spent Christmas day at home with Chris' family. We had a very tasty meal, and it was relaxing to just be home. Overall Christmas 2008 was a complete success.

The last couple of days have been spent recovering. I barely slept the first half of this week. We all slept in yesterday. Last night we were able to reunite for dinner with my best friend from high school, her mom, and step dad. It was wonderful to reconnect remembering old times, and sharing what is going on in our lives. It has been so nice being off it will be hard going back to work Monday. Such is the cycle of life. Oh and I forgot to mention my other Christmas gift. I asked Chris for the Jillian Micahels 30 day shred dvd. Jillian is one of the trainers on the show the Biggest Loser. She is so tough, and has a tendency to make people cry, but for some reason I like her. She gets results. I read nothing but good reviews on the workout regimen so we will see. He also got me a nifty little watch I can wear when I work out that will take my heart rate and count the calories I burn. Now I'm not making a crazy new years resolution about weight loss. We will just see where it goes =) Losing weight would be great, but I also want to get my energy levels up and increase endurance. I am finding these are musts when you have two kids.

I will try to get pictures up tomorrow. Chris will be glued to the television for the last day of regular season football which means I will have some free time. Until next time!

Line Dancing=Holiday Entertainment?

Saturday evening we found ourselves at the mall waiting in line to see Santa Clause. This is the first year Kaylie caught onto the idea and she determined that no matter what she would see Santa on Saturday. The winding line did not deter her and we found ourselves with the hundreds of other parents waiting to see the jolly old man.

As we stood waiting a group of middle aged people began to set up near our line for what seemed to be some sort of holiday entertainment. The music kicked up and I realized we were caught smack dab in the middle of some good old fashioned Texas line dancing set to Christmas music. They even had cute little shirts that said "Dancin 'n' Line." Now I have lived in Texas almost my whole life and have never developed an affinity for cowboy culture. I understand everyone has there own preferences, but line dancing has never been one of those activities that seemed like entertainment for an audience. If you enjoy it as a personal entertainment great, go out and have yourself a grand old time. But really, can we seriously call a few combinations done in a line holiday entertainment? It truly was painful to watch. There was a small crowd gathered of obvious friends and family. The rest of us were held captive against our will as we waited in that hopelessly long line.

Now that I realize how easy it is to get a spot in the holiday line-up, I may grab my ipod and docking station and head out the mall and find my own little corner to perform. Jumpin Jacks to holiday music will be my schtick.

For now I'm stuck in Texas. Merry Christmas ya'll!

Jingle Bells

Time for a Christmas update. We have been having a fabulous holiday so far. This is the first year that Kaylie has really had a keen understanding of Christmas. Every aspect of it has been exciting for her, and as parents that just makes it all worth while. I've been trying to explain to her the story of Jesus. I know I know he was most likely born at some other time of the year, but since we can't pinpoint a date we'll have to just live with December. Since we needed something to replace worship of the sun god, this will do wonderfully! Ok sorry for the rabbit trail. Anyway, if anyone knows of a good live nativity in the DFW area let me know. I believe Kaylie would really enjoy it.

Our days have been filled with Christmas music to and from work, watching Christmas movies, and decorating trees. Jingle Bells is Kaylie's favorite song, as she has learned most of the words. Sleigh Ride is a close second. We have actually covered five Christmas movies, but there are still more to go. The upcoming week brings some Christmas parties which always involve baking. Then of course we will begin the final countdown. I am enjoying the season very much as well. We completed almost all of our Christmas shopping right around Thanksgiving. It really is a good feeling. Micah is also enjoying what little he can process. His favorite thing has been to lay on the floor and stare at the Christmas lights on the tree.
Next year will be even more fun we he can toddle around the house after Kaylie and join in the fun.
I hope you and your families are enjoying the holidays. The economy may be headed south and uncertainty is around every corner, but the warmth of family and friends is just the medicine to carry us through. I leave you with a few more pictures of our Christmas festivities.