September Baby

September baby you changed my life forever

Laid upon my chest, life would never be the same

A stranger, yet so familiar

Sweet spirit, my heart you did quickly claim

September baby I can never let you go

But the years they keep turning

I know this day will come

For this I am not yearning

September baby I'll hold you close

You're the apple of my eye

No matter where the journey leads

My open arms, always close by

Six

Six years. I have been so busy with Isaac and just trying to keep my wits about me with three, I woke up and realized my little girl is turning six on Sunday. As I was up tonight cleaning and preparing for her party all of my emotions and sentiments welled up inside. In the still quiet house my own thoughts became a lot louder and clearer than they are most days.
She's growing up. Yes I know it's only 6. For some reason this is harder than 5 for me. Perhaps it is because this is the year she would have started school if we had chosen not to homeschool. Perhaps it is the fact the Chris and I were reminiscing a few days ago about the last 10 years we have spent since we met. In many ways it seems like a lifetime ago, we have grown and changed so much, yet I can't even believe 10 years could have passed. I asked him if he realized that in 10 more years we would have a 16 year old? At times that seems so distant, but in reality I don't want to think about it because I know how fast time will fly. I always tell Kaylie how it was like only yesterday that I held her in my arms, a fresh, newborn babe. She always laughs and says I am silly. "It seems like a long time growing up for me," she always tells me. I know there is no sense arguing. She is right. It was one of those things we never really experience until we are there.

I sat down to write this and I don't really feel like it went the direction I wanted. What I meant to say is that I love my Kaylie Joyce so very much. A new love I had never known was birthed in me the day I birthed her. I was so proud to call her mine. As she was my first, she has graciously allowed me to grow with her, as I make the common first time parenting mistakes. I have continuously been in awe of her intelligence, beauty, and inner strength. She has a strong mind, and while this can be a challenge, I would not have it any other way. I see Christ molding her and working in her heart. I feel excitement to watch her walk the path He has laid out for her, and sometimes I feel sadness. If there is one thing I am learning it is that my children are gifts on loan to me. One day I will have to let her go fulfill the plans God has for her life. Knowing this only makes our time that much more sacred.

Kaylie I have loved every moment being your mom. I look forward to many more birthdays, many more experiences, and many more memories. What a wonderful treasure you are to me. I will do my very best in the coming year to hold onto each moment. I will work on my patience. I know you are growing, and life is never easy as you try to figure everything out. I know your little brother can drive you crazy, but thank you for caring about his safety and well being at all times. Know that you mean the world to him, and as you grow he will stick up for you in a heartbeat in any situation. I have also loved watching you with Isaac. Having you with me the night I brought him into this world was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. You were a strong little girl, and you have watched over your little brother with such love and grace. I know this has created a special bond between the two of you that will last a lifetime. Thank you for always being you.
You have pushed me out of my comfort zone on numerous occasions, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know.
Happy Birthday my sweet, precious Kaylie bear! I love you more than you will ever know.

Juggling

I really thought I would have more time to write here once I was home. I am laughing at myself as I write that. Who am I kidding? Staying home with three kids under the age of five has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. I really do love having this time with them, and I am not missing the work world. We are definitely still adjusting to a routine. I feel like I am always just staying ahead enough to keep from wiping out completely . It is like being on a treadmill that speeds up at regular intervals.
Chris continues to tell me not to be so hard on myself, that this is all still new and things will settle down soon enough. I will continue to try and believe him. I am lucky that he is there with an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on as I continue to hash all of this out.
I have found my greatest challenge to be an adorable little 2 1/2 year old boy that has more energy pulsing through his veins than I can keep up with. Micah has hit that age where constant arms length supervision is a must. He has figured out that when nursing I am kind of out of commission for a bit. He deems these as the best times to flush whole roles of toilet paper down the toilet, help himself to a snack (this is usually something messy like yogurt), and go treasure hunting in his sisters room. Those off you who have little brothers know what kind of mess this leads to.
Nevertheless we are still alive and well. I am learning and grateful for the time God has given me with my children. Every moment I want to tear my hair out I remember what great patience and love God deals with me. Of course at the end of a long day when the two oldest shower me with hugs and I love you's, or when Isaac finishes eating and gives me a huge gummy smile, my heart melts.
Maybe juggling can be fun, once you get the hang of it.
Yes it is all worth it.

It May Be Crazy, but I'll Take It

Late Christmas day I stood in the kitchen washing dishes. My feet were tired and I was generally just emotionlly and physically tired. I love Christmas, but after a long two days of last minute shopping, hauling gifts to grandparents, hauling gifts home, and cooking my body was exhausted. I quickly realized that maybe there were one too many toys that made various squeaks and noises. Couple that with the occasional sibling argument over a toy, and I was ready to lock myself away for some peace and quiet.

I love to look back on these moments because God has a way of subtly shifting the heart's focus. As the ipod played Christmas music in the background a song came on that instantly took me back six years in time. I was a broken woman, broken from loss. I was still recovering from a miscarriage two months prior. It was a pregnancy I had not particularly planned or been too enthusiastic about in the beginning which made the eventual loss all the more devastating. God had been working in me to build the heart of a mother. Before I was all too selfish and absorbed with the inconvenience a child could bring. As my heart and mentality began to change I was crushed when it all seemed to be ripped away with one trip to the doctor and a heartbreaking sonogram.

That Christmas all my heart longed for was a child, not a baby to replace the one lost, but to soothe the aching mother's heart that had been conceived, but not fully formed. Little did I know that Christmas season that just two weeks later I would find out I was carrying our beloved Kaylie. She was my Christmas gift, and one that would carry Chris and I to a new level of love as people and parents. God was faithful to us that Christmas and has continued that work of chiseling a mother's heart into me.

As I came back to the reality of loud toys and boisterous children I looked at the situation from a different place. These children are my gifts and my inheritence. It may be crazy and I may be tired, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday Princess!

Psalm 127:3

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

I cannot adequately express what a gift my children are. Today one of those blessings turns four years old. As I write this I realize at this time four years ago Kaylie was about a hour old. I was still recovering from a flood of emotions that overtakes the feeble human mind at the birth of one's first child. I look back on that first year of her life with such fondness. There were some tough moments learning and struggling as all parents do, but through those moments we created a special bond.

Today I have a loud and boisterous little girl. She likes to be called a princess,loves girly things, is opinionated, and talks non-stop at a really high volume. I love everything about her. She usually stops me in the middle of conversations by saying she needs to tell me something. Almost 90% of the time it is to say that she loves me very much. I would say when I am with her she tells me that at least twice an hour. She loves to cuddle and be close. She can be a bit demanding, but she knowS when she has been wrong and will not hesitate to apologize. She loves family more than any child I have ever known. Her favorite thing is for everyone to have dinner together. She loves to pray and sing. Her love of learning is a gift I hope she never loses.

It has been a wonderful four years. I look forward to years I have left raising her, and the many many more she will have as an adult following God's journey for her life.
I love you princess, happy birthday!

Two Blogs in One Day

Woohoo! I really am on a roll. Ok, ok I admit, I am only writing this blog so that my brain will not stop functioning due to excess boredom. When you work in an industry that relies heavily on good weather to function things get a little slow when rain overtakes the metroplex for more than one day.


So hmmm what can I babble on about. I did take Kaylie to the doctor today. She has been sick since Monday and has been feverish on and off for three days. She won't eat anything so I started to get worried. After two stays in the hospital in the past I am never willing to take any chances. There was nothing alarming, but the doctor did say she seemed to be in the beginning stages of bronchitis. They went ahead and put her on an antibiotic to prevent a bacterial infection due to her history. I am a careful mom, but I also believe in letting the body try to heal itself before overloading on unecessary meds. After a week of rest and liquids I couldn't watch her suffer anymore. Kaylie is very trusting of her doctor which is a good thing. She never acts scared to go in and is very happy when she leaves with a lollypop and sticker.


I just want to give credit to the Cook's Childrens Physician network. They are awesome and always prompt. We were called into the exam room within 5 minutes of setting down. I didn't even have time to finish filling out my paperwork. The doctor was in within 5 minutes of the nurse settling Kaylie in. We were out of the office in twenty minutes. Even though they are fast they definitely don't rush you. All of our questions or concerns are always addressed, and they work so well with the kids. Sometimes I think Pediatritions get busy and forgert they are still dealing with kids. All of the doctors in this office have a way of making the exam go smoothly while allowing kids to just be kids. Our children's primary doctor is Dr. Sharon Jackson. She has been with us since Kaylie was 2 months old. She is incredible. She was the one who realized Micah had a hernia and we had it promptly taken care of in about 2 weeks. I have been impressed with just about every physician in this network. Kudos Cook's! You have lifelong patients in our family, at least until they are adults =)

Family Unit

I have been thinking a lot about the dynamics of a family lately. I remember after having Kaylie how I struggled with whether I could love another baby as much as her. I knew deep inside I wanted another child, but I was often hesitant on pinpointing a time. I finally realized I could wait forever and there would never be a "perfect" time. When I found out I was pregnant with Micah I was excited, but still a little worried about how this would effect Kaylie. She is pretty close with Chris and I. I feared it would be difficult for her to share time that had soley been devoted to her. After Micah was born my fears began to melt away. She was so excited and proud of her little brother. Now Kaylie has never been maternal. She doesn't play with baby dolls and she tries to help with Micah, but she's not jumping to change diapers or anything. In spite of this she still has this deep love for her brother. Recently we were loading into the car and Chris was about to put Micah in. Kaylie didn't see the carseat in his hand and asked where Micah was. Chris jokingly told her he was staying home. Kaylie burst into tears. She was so upset. She did not want Micah to be left at home alone. This is what I love about Kaylie. She is intuitive. She can read feelings and she never wants anyone to be left alone. She does have her share of terrible 3 year old moments, but deep inside is an enduring goodness that is so pure.
Micah is still carving his place, but he already has made a deep impact on our lives. Micah makes me stop and realize that I don't always have to be doing something. He loves to be held close and will let me know he does not appreciate my focus being on something else. I like to multi-task, but he has shown me sometimes it is good to just be still and enjoy the moment.
If there is anything I have learned about family it is that everyone has a place. No matter how we evolve over time as we grow we each bring something vital to the table. I am learning to appreciate my husband and each child, for who they are and how they make our home a happier place.

Fort Worth Botanical Gardens

A good majority of our outings this year have been to the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens. What better weekend outing than the chance to get outside and enjoy beautiful weather in a serene setting. The best part is the price. There is a nominal fee for the Japanese Garden portion, and of course we always bring money to buy food for the koi fish. This was a very special visit because is was Micah's first trip. At least the first trip he was not chilling in my uterus. He is just getting to that stage where he is becoming very aware of his surroundings. He was extremely calm and peaceful as his little eyes soaked in the surroundings. He smiled and cooed a lot, which melts the heart at any time. Kaylie enjoyed herself as always. She woke up early just to remind me today was the day we were going to feed the fish and turtles.
The one thing that always gets me about the gardens is all of the "photographers." Everyone gets too engrossed in their own projects that it literally start looking like a group of photographers taking pictures of another group of photographers. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the art form. I love taking pictures when we are there. It's just something about the weekend when I see a million flashes going off around me, and we have to be careful where we walk in case we ruin a picture. Sometimes it is just nice to enjoy the surroundings without running into a tripod. Of course I did take some pictures of my own, but I try not to take it too seriously on a day like today.
I leave you with a classic picture for the day. We just happened to catch this as we were coming around the pond. The bird dove into the water and grabbed a fish and swallowed it whole. Poor Kaylie was briefly traumatized. I guess we all have to learn about the circle of life sometime!