Watch Out World, This Little Man is About to Be Two!

Almost exactly two years ago to the hour I began to labor my dearest Isaac into this world. He barely missed being an April Fools baby by a mere hour and 40 minutes. Since the moment he was pulled from the water and laid in my arms he has been stealing my heart every day. I have grown as a mother in so many new ways. His strong willed spirit challenges me to dig deeper in God, and his boundless love and sense of humor remind me of the joys in simplicity. There was a time I couldn't imagine how anyone could juggle three kids. Now I cannot imagine how I could live without this precious force of life that makes our home so complete.
He has developed quite the singing voice. I personally have never met a child that picks up a song the first time he hears it. Every time he visits grandma's house he manages to find her ipod and request some crazy 70's song. Then we all get a kick out of watching him sing and dance his little heart out.
I cannot be grateful enough for God's perfect will that granted me the privilege of raising this awesome little guy. Happy Birthday Isaac Timothy Medrano. My love for you runs deeper than the oceans.

Lessons on Parenting from My Own Rebellious Heart

It's official, those terrible twos are kicking in with my sweet, little Isaac. He has been unfortunate/fortunate, to gain a very strong stubborn streak that runs in my family. I have been party to some very intense screaming fits as of late. Patience with children does not come naturally to me. These little tantrums become even more difficult to deal with as I try to teach Kaylie and keep Micah busy.
This has led to a lot of frustration and tears as I try to work through this challenging stage in life.
I have been praying daily for God to show me the best way to  handle these outbursts. On one hand I don't want to completely ignore them. I feel he needs to understand what he is doing is not right, but I also know this is him trying to assert his independence and I don't want to be too heavy handed.

Today he started up over a little tiff between he and  his brother. He turned red and began screaming and kicking. Without really thinking I scooped him on my lap and told the other kids to continue playing. I sat holding him as he squirmed, screamed, and kicked. I began to whisper to him gently telling him to calm down and that I loved him. I would not let him go until he was in control.
A quiet whisper came to me as I sat there, and a situation that would normally frustrate me out of my mind became so peaceful.
God reminded me so gently of how often I have wanted my own way. It was not always kicking and screaming on the outside, but my heart would reel in rebellion. I wanted my way and no one was going to tell me otherwise. Even in those times He never let me go. He held me close, just as I did with Isaac, speaking His love and truth to my spirit. No matter how long it takes God will not let go.
After awhile Isaac's protests began to abate. Between his sobs I asked him if he could calm his spirit. Twice he emphatically said no. I told him I know how hard it is. Mommy has been there too. Finally he nestled close to me and gave a sigh. It was a sweet victory for both of us.

Sometimes I wake up and think I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. I try to read up and come up with my own ideas and plans. Usually I end up more overwhelmed than when I started. As I still my own hear I realize the best parenting skills I have found come from the example my Father God has laid out to me.

From the Mom Who Never Wanted to Breastfeed

Isaac will be 12 weeks tomorrow and I am proud to say he has never have had a drop of formula touch his little lips. At almost 14 pounds he is a happy, healthy little guy who loves nothing more than to take time out from a crazy day and be close to nurse.
I'm not here to argue the benefits of formula or breastfeeding. The last thing people respond well to is a perceived judgmental attack. No, this is just my story, my experience as a mama who never really wanted to breastfeed, yet here I am with my third baby and I have reached a pivotal milestone in my motherhood journey. It is a personal milestone. Isaac is the first child I will have exclusively breastfed for this long, and while we're at it I figure, why stop?
When I found out I was pregnant with Kaylie I wasn't really sure how I felt about breastfeeding. Obviously in our society it wasn't something I was around a lot. I felt it was surely not possible to exclusively breastfeed. It just seemed so restrictive. I wouldn't want to admit it, but secretly I wasn't ready to give up my freedom and have the breast ready at a baby's beck and call. I thought I might give it a try, and maybe use some formula as well. I look back now and realize the reason I failed at breastfeeding was that I was never truly committed. My heart wasn't there. Breastfeeding is not something you can casually give a try, it is a commitment to riding out the hardships that occur those first few weeks.. It is believing that beyond those early inconveniences lies a bond that will be sweeter than you ever imagined. I did try to breastfeed Kaylie, but I had not prepared the support I would need to see it through. At the first sign of hardship I jumped on the formula bandwagon. I quickly took offense at any le leche league ad I saw. I would think to myself how preachy these people were. Did they really think I didn't love my child as much because I formula fed? I will be the first to say that anyone can love their children deeply no matter how they feed their children. My mother tried desperately to breastfeed me, but for medical reasons I needed more nutrition than her body could give. I have no doubt she loved me very deeply even as she fed me with a bottle. What I have learned is that breastfeeding creates a beautiful bond that is not only beneficial for baby in terms of development, but it gives a whole new layer of meaning to giving your life for your child.
None of my attempts at breastfeeding have been easy. I tried a little harder with Micah, but an early return to work made it difficult to build the supply I needed to make it work. I remember the first night I realized I really had no milk to give him anymore. I was surprised at the heartbreak I felt. When I had Isaac I was determined to make it work.
The first couple of weeks I really had to work on Isaac's latch. I purposed I would stick with it, and did not allow any formula in the house those weeks. You do not know how tempting it is to make a bottle when you are tired at 2am and trying to get a baby latched on.
Like I said I am not here to preach, but share an experience. I can honestly so I am so happy to have made it 3 months already. I know many breastfeeding pros out there may look at this number as small, but to me it is an accomplishment. As I take time at work to pump I feel a sense of pride knowing I can do something for my baby even when we are apart. It makes me feel closer to him. I love coming home and seeing his eyes light up. He is so happy to get close and nurse after a long day. I have found once past those early days, breastfeeding is the easiest thing I have done. I don't miss washing bottles. I love that I can comfort him wherever we are. I used to be very self conscious about feeding in public. I'm still not one to just whip them out and start feeding, there are a lot of creepy people out there, but I have mastered the use of the nursing cape with whatever is available. I love being able to feed and go right back to sleep. Most importantly I love how close we are. As I bonded with Kaylie and Micah I had a lot of hidden selfishness I had to work through. In God's grace I have a deep abiding bond with both of them. With number 3 I have finally realized the benefit of what was initially perceived as short term sacrifice. A little perseverance and patience in the beginning can pay off with a lifetime of love. Isn't that what the whole experience of parenting is all about?
I am happy to say the only time we have issue with Isaac's latch is when he can't stop smiling, and I'm okay with that!

The Birth of Isaac Timothy Medrano Part 2

As we headed toward the birth center I kept my eye on the clock. I kept anticipating the next contraction, but as we neared 5 minutes I had nothing. It was so strange. I started feeling almost normal. I started to worry. I told Chris over and over again how sure I was that they were going to take one look at me and send me home. I was already embarrassed that I, a third time mom, would make such a mistake in assessing my own progress. It took us about 20 minutes to get there, and the whole way no contractions. As we pulled into the birthing center I saw everyone's cars, and I wanted to just turn around and go home. Oh well there was no turning back. I would have to face the music no matter what the outcome. Ann was getting out of her car. As I got out I suddenly doubled over with another contraction. It may sound crazy, but even in all that pain I was so relieved. One of or birth assistants, Michelle, asked me if I wanted to use the restroom first. I wasn't really sure where we were at with progress, but that seemed like a good idea. While in the bathroom, the contractions started picking up again. I hobbled my way to the room where Ann was getting the birth tub ready. She asked if I wanted to labor on the bed for awhile or get in. I think I was already stripping from the waist down to get in before she even finished her sentence. We did decide to go ahead and check my progress before I got in. I was dilated to a 6. Hallelujah! I hadn't imagined this labor. It was for real and we were going to have a baby! It's hard for me to describe the pain of contractions. They were rough, and I sometimes felt like my insides were turning inside out, but at the same time they were so much better than contractions from pitocin. Even though each contraction progressively became more intense, I felt in control. This was a good feeling. In the hospital I always felt like I was spinning out of control. I would start to dread each contraction, anticipating the pain instead of taking them one at a time.
I slipped into the tub which felt absolutely amazing. How had I ever done this any other way? I mentally assessed the situation. If I was at a 6, I figured I had a good 1-2 hours to mentally prepare for the pushing. This was the part that terrified me the most. I feared the sensation of the baby dropping down, and literally feeling every move as he progressed down the birth canal. I dreaded the "ring of fire" I had heard so many women talk about during natural labor.
I settled in and the next contraction started to come. Kaylie had woken up and wanted to be in the room. We had discussed it and decided it would be a good experience for her as long as she felt comfortable. She came and sat by the tub and held my hand as I worked through a contraction. The water definitely helped as I was able to float through the contraction. Suddenly things started picking up. Chris came to hold my other hand and I started feeling a lot of pressure with each contraction. I told Ann who gently reminded me to relax my whole lower body and allow my baby to come down. She was such a reassuring presence. I believe I had a few contractions come one right after the other. Now I realize I was transitioning. She told me to turn so she could see my baby coming down. What!!!!??? I had only been there about 30 minutes. There is no way he can be coming down. I am not ready to push yet. I haven't had my time to relax, labor, and prepare for this moment. I know a lot of women would give anything for a short labor, and of course looking back I am gad as well. It is still strange when you have prepared yourself for the long haul, and all of a sudden it is all coming down on you at once. It is a bit intense. I thought Kaylie would want to leave the room at this point, but she was steadfast by me. With Chris supporting me from the back, Ann gently instructed me to follow her instructions. "We're not here to blast this baby out," was something she reminded me. This is so different than a hospital. Most of the time we are encouraged to push as hard as we can by nurses and doctors. With an epidural that is not a problem. There is no inhibition, but that forceful pushing is what so often leads to horrible tears and unwanted cuts. What happened next I attribute to cementing my belief that a good midwife coached birth is beyond compare.
I felt the head ready to crown. I must admit in that moment I freaked out. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to push that out of such a small area. I wanted to jump out and run, but what could I do? She told me to give a gentle push when I felt the next contraction. My mind wondered when I would know it was right, but suddenly my body instinctively took over. I pushed until she told me to breathe. We did this several times and I wondered if he would ever come out. Little did I know those controlled pushes, and breaks to breathe allowed the perineum to slowly stretch and accommodate Isaac's head. Suddenly I felt it, the ring of fire. I can't lie here and say it was pleasant, but then I immediately felt something I had never felt with Kaylie or Micah. I felt his little body leaving mine. It was weird but I'm told the only yell I gave was as his shoulders came out. The cord was wrapped around his neck a couple of timeS, but Ann quickly unwrapped it, and brought Isaac to my chest. In that moment I was awestruck. I had done it. In about 3 hours I had crossed the threshold I had feared for so long. I had a warm, blue eyed little baby staring back at me from my chest. Ann later told me it had to be the Lord that kept my from contractions from coming on the ride there or we probably would have been delivering a baby on the side of the road. Isaac was here fully alert and surrounded by so much love. Kaylie was beyond thrilled. It was such an amazing experience. She never once flinched. She kept telling us that it was the best day of her life. Chris cut the cord and we were allowed to spend time bonding with our precious son. This is perhaps what I loved most about the experience. Our birth team made sure this experience was about us. We were never rushed. Isaac was allowed to be with us at all times, and family was able to be close. It was amazing.
When I finally was out of the birth tub Ann checked me for tears. There was only a small little "skid mark" as she called it. We believe it occurred when his shoulder came out because that was the only cry I had made during pushing. It did not require stitches, which was a huge relief!
I truly did not believe it was possible for me not to tear. With Micah, the doctor told me I would probably at least tear where the scar was from my episiotomy.
I credit Ann with her awesome coaching skills. She was there at each turn instilling confidence that my body was made to do this. I also must credit the other to amazing women on the birth team. Michelle and Jenee' were so wonderful and encouraging. I could not have asked for a better birth.

The birth of Isaac has brought our family even closer. In the days that have followed I have been filled with so much emotion. In a weird way I am sad it is over. I remember hearing many women who chose to use midwives rave about their experience. I sometimes felt they were overly dogmatic. Now that I have experienced the difference between a hospital and the care of a midwife, I am starting to understand where they were coming from. This birth changed my life. It opened me to a whole new dimension of love and sacrifice as a mother. It caused me to surrender to God in a whole new way. It truly ushered in a gentle beginning for our little Isaac. He has been so peaceful and content. He has been with us every hour since his birth. His brother and sister just love him to pieces, and I credit that with them being an active part of this pregnancy and his birth. After the birth we napped on the big bed in the birth room. All of our children were piled on just like being at home. It was so wonderful.

I find myself still processing the experience, as I am sure will be the case in the weeks to come. I cannot say enough good things about the Gentle Beginnings Birth Center staff. Ann changed my view on all things birth. I was constantly challenged to re-asses my previous mind set. I find myself getting a little teary just thinking I won't be going to see them for regular appointments. I am lucky that they have built such a great community that allows women to stay connected even after birth.

I leave you with a quote I have heard many times before, but it speaks so clearly to me when it comes to natural childbirth.

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." -Laura Stavoe Harm

Coming Soon.....

The Birth Story of Isaac Timothy Medrano

Our baby boy Isaac joined us Saturday at approximately 1:30 in the morning. He weighed 7lbs. 14oz. and was 20 inches long. I told my midwife I did not even know it was possible for me to birth babies less than 8lbs! It has been quite the whirlwind. I am presently gathering my thoughts to write his story out. Please check back soon as it will probably be posted in pieces.
Isaac and family are doing very well. He has been such a joy and a blessing to our family. We appreciate every kind word of encouragement, prayer, and the help we have received. I look forward to sharing our continuing journey with you.

The Birth of Isaac Timothy Medrano Part 1

As I sit down to start writing this story my heart is flooded with emotion. It is a story that is beating to get out of my chest, yet when I try to write it, it is hard to adequately convey every sense, every emotion that I have felt over the past few days since the birth of Isaac. I am still easily moved to tears which can make it hard to gather my thoughts into a cohesive sentence, not to mention it is hard to see the screen through blurry contacts. Please bear with me as I tell my tale a little bit at a time.

As we drove to the the birth center yesterday for my first postpartum check up, my mind raced back to our first visit with Ann and Gentle Beginnings almost 9 months ago. It seems almost like a lifetime ago. Our lives have changed so much. I remember feeling a little scared and a little excited at the prospect of taking a different path for this pregnancy. As we sat in the waiting room I battled between the part of me that wanted to play it safe and stick with the norm, and the deep womanly intuition in me that knew if I did not take this chance I would regret it the rest of my life.
I had so many doubts and so many questions then, but that day as we drove towards the clinic for what would be one of the last few visits for this pregnancy's journey, every doubt and every question had been washed away in a moment that changed my life forever.

Friday I spent a leisurely day with the kids. I was so glad I had taken Chris' advice and stayed home from work. Little did I know how important that day of rest and time with the kids would be. I didn't really have any abnormal contractions. I would get the same light braxton-hicks like contractions. I was tired, but that was nothing new from the past month. When Chris got home we decided we would grab dinner out and then spend the evening watching a movie. At home I made some brownies and we finished Finding Nemo with the kids. Chris and I even proceeded to get into a small argument about something silly. I'm still amazed about how normal things can be right before your body throws you into the ride of your life.

I was still frustrated at Chris which kept me from noticing a steady stream of light contractions that began to come on. I laid down to rest, but slowly started noticing an increase in intensity. All I could think was, great now I have to break my carefully planned wall of silence and tell Chris. When I did tell him I started crying about how scared I was. It really hit me that this was it, no turning back now. He just smiled and said, "I love you, I guess my plan worked to get this labor started." I tried my best to give a smart comment about how this didn't change how I felt, but another contraction hit. Suddenly I knew I wasn't up for playing the game anymore. Chris is always my rock, and I knew I needed him now more than ever. We started timing contractions. They were still about 9 minutes apart and only lasting 45 seconds. This was at about 10:30. They started getting closer together. I was really hesitant about calling the Ann. I didn't want to be that lady who gets everyone up late at night only for a false alarm. I also knew my body. My labors have been fairly quick, and I didn't want to deliver this baby en-route to the birth center. I told Chris just to text her. Awesome midwife that she is Ann called me within a minute. I have never known a doctor to do that! She sat with me on the phone through a contraction. She said from the length of it she would suggest I take a warm bath. If it wasn't time that should slow things down so I could rest. If this was the real deal things would get more intense. I poured a bath and got in. While the warm water felt good, it was hard to get comfortable in a small tub between contractions. I stuck it out as long as I could and decided I needed to get out and labor on the bed. I had Chris start my birth play list. Things definitely started to rev up. As I look back on this time it is one of my most precious memories. The kids were in bed. Chris did some last minute laundry while I tried to relax. Every time a contraction would come, he would quickly come over to rub my lower back and whisper encouragement to me There was so much love, it was a sweet presence in the room. Even though I was starting to battle some intense pain I loved this time with just Chris, the Lord, and I. Knowing there was no safety net for the pain, I really started to dig deep and visualize each contraction like waves, surrendering to the work they were doing in me to bring this baby out. I had no choice but to fully trust in the Lord, and believe He made this body to do the work. The pace started to pick up. We were at about 5 minutes apart with each contraction lasting over a minute long. After one ended I decided I should walk downstairs and rehydrate. I made a pit stop in the bathroom and then was hit with side splitting contraction. It had been less that 2 minutes since the last one. I made my way upstairs to lay down on the bed and was hit again. I told Chris I really thought we should head out. He called Ann and told her I was ready to go. It was about 12:50 in the morning by this point. Chris made sure everything was ready and got the kids up. As I walked to the car my only thought was how will I ever make the car ride with these contractions coming so close together. I may die before we arrive.
No turning back now. We were loaded up and on our way.

Saint Patty's Day Baby

Dear Isaac,

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but yesterday I was pretty tired and ready to do whatever it took to bring on labor. I am sorry because I really don't mind you snuggled inside. What can I say? The end of pregnancy makes every mama a little crazy. I just want you to know I have settled down, and am doing everything I can not to let outside influences affect our last days being this close together.

I did briefly think it would be cool if you decided to be a Saint Patty's Day baby. I'm not sure why. I never really celebrate, and I almost always forget to wear something green. You would be the perfect reason to celebrate, and I would be sure never to forget Saint Patrick's day again.

Your sister loves almost any holiday. She made sure she was decked out in green. If you decided to make an appearance today, she would make us stop at the store on the way to the birth center just to buy a green hat or onesie. Yup she is just cool like that.

We can't wait to meet you, to hug you, and to kiss your little face.

I've given up trying to make sure everything is perfect because I know you honestly won't care. I will better serve you by maintaing my sanity and being ready to hold you, love you, and provide all the attention you need to feel wanted and secure.

So take as long as you need little one. I won't rush you. If you do decided to surprise me late into the evening, we'll toast your arrival with some green kool-aid and mark the first Saint Patrick's Day I have ever celebrated.

Much love,

mama