Why Labor?

Two years ago when I gave birth to my son Isaac, I had no idea of the lasting impact that choosing a drug free birth would have on my life. The lessons I learned from labor recently hit me like a ton of bricks as we started our move over a week ago. I'm a generally not fond of big changes. It's not that I like to stay stagnant, but I tend to enjoy putting down some roots and letting changes happen slowly. After 7 years in our first home that welcomed my two boys and saw us through many life altering changes, I started finding it hard to let go of this constant in my life. I knew this change was only for the best. I was generally excited about what was to come, but the fear of leaving behind the familiar and the walk through the valley of change and discomfort was starting to paralyze me. I instinctively began to do what comes naturally to all humans when discomfort comes into play, I began to fight. Hmmmm this seems vaguely familiar to that labor experience two years ago. As I prayed, God really began to pour His peace into my heart gently reminding me of why labor is important, and I'm not just talking about labor to give birth to a child. I am talking about the labor it takes to give birth to any worthwhile endeavor. Labor forces us to let go. It forces us to dig deep and find out what we truly rely on. Is it ourselves? Is it stuff? Is it money? When your are in the throes of labor most of that stuff really starts to pale in comparison to the magnitude of forces working within you. One thing I treasure most about my labor with Isaac was the sweetness and nearness of God that I felt. I believed in the work He was doing within my body. It caused me to let go of the past so my heart was opened wide for the future.


After this comfort from God the week proceeded to be one of those most challenging as we grappled with some difficult decisions. As I reflect back on this week I am grateful that every moment in our lives is orchestrated by God. The fact that He can take completely unrelated experiences in our lives and reveal His truth to us at other points along the journey is amazing to me. When I labored with Isaac I was focused on the task at hand. I had no idea God would work this thread into the tapestry of my story down the road.
I just want to encourage those of you who are laboring. It is often easy to become bogged down and lose site of the promises that lie ahead. There is purpose in labor. It is an exercise of faith, and this is true regardless of what you believe.
I hope in this week you find peace and joy unspeakable!

Falling on the Rock

I sat with my dad at the hospital tonight as we ride this long bumpy road to recovery. My heart aches as I listen to nurses rattle off long lists of pills he needs to take, only because I wish I had just one that would make it all go away. My dad is strong, not because he will just grin and bear it, no he is so much stronger than this. I witnessed the most beautiful expression of love tonight. In a particularly tense moment of pain we laid hands on dad. Through the tears he whispered truth reaffirming his trust in the Lord. Declaring the goodness and sovereignty of our Father. He fell completely on the Rock. Yes this man is my father and I am proud to be his daughter.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold

So We Continue

It is amazing how life can change so drastically in split seconds. I am still adjusting to a new outlook on life. Since dad's diagnosis I have stepped back and took stock of many things in life. Many things change, but one thing has remained constant. This is my ever present need to trust only in God and rely solely on the life giving power of Jesus Christ.
We have so much to be thankful for. Dad finished the first round of chemo last Tuesday. He has done so well. Even many of the nurses thought he looked just a little too well to be in the oncology ward. The downside to this was dad was feeling a bit stir crazy. He's never been one to sit around. Just a month ago he was cutting down a giant tree in their backyard. Probably not the best idea in hindsight knowing what we know now, but never the less you can see he's always working hard. After a week in the hospital he was ready to be home. The doctor was obviously very cautious about sending him home too early. The risk of infection was still too great. Thursday his blood counts were looking a lot better. On Friday the doctor gave him the green light to head home after one more platelet transfusion. We are all elated. He is still healing and working through some of the side effects of the chemo, but he is a trooper. He will go for an appointment on Monday to check his blood levels again. He should start the second phase of treatment in August. Please continue to pray for his complete healing. I also ask for prayer for renewed strength and energy. Please pray for continued encouragement from the Holy Spirit and friends as the enemy loves to come in when we aren't feeling at our best and speak lies and bring discouragement.
In other great news my parents will celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary on Monday. What a testament of God's love and faithfulness! That is one thing I love about these two. They stick it out through thick and thin. My mom stayed at that hospital every night with my dad. I heard many people comment that maybe she should just go home for a night, but she was not going to leave his side. I know he would do the same for her. I am proud to call them my parents and proud of the representation they are on this earth of the love Jesus has for His people.
I would also like to ask all those who pray to continue to remember our family in prayer. There has been a lot of craziness in life and experiencing all of these things with three young children in tow is not the easiest. Chris has been an awesome husband and taken on a second job so I can be home with the kids. While I am forever grateful for his hard work, it is still difficult as I was spoiled to having his great help in the evenings. The kids also miss having him home more. We are working through this season with joy and perseverance, but sometimes the joy takes a little extra effort!
I appreciate every prayer and kind word that has been spoken to me and my family during this season. It has been an experience that has impacted me and made my love grow deeper for the family of God.

40 Weeks

I sit here today very hopeful, very expectant, and yes still very pregnant. Congratulations Isaac, you and your brother made it to the 10 month club. They are only proving my theory that boy's just want to be comfortable.
At the advice of my midwife and Chris, I decided to make yesterday my last day of work. I promised myself I wouldn't cry this time around the first time I put on a pair of shoes and my feet had swollen to the point they felt too tight. I guess that is what I get for making unrealistic promises. It may have been at this point that Chris was tipped off to the fact that maybe I needed some time to rest. Trying to keep a "normal" routine with my two children that starts at about 5am gets really difficult at this point in pregnancy.
I left work yesterday not knowing if I would even be back. If business does not warrant a part time position at the end of my leave, I very well could unemployed for the time in almost 8 years. While this is a choice I made with full understanding of the possibilities, I still felt a twinge of fear yesterday as I walked out the door. Here I was finally taking the leap of faith I had desired for so long. I felt like one of those cartoon characters in an old Warner Bros. flick who runs out over a canyon only to look and down and realize there is nothing between you and impending doom but air. Of course this is not the truth, but it's just what I was feeling in the moment. I quietly worried last night if I had decided to take leave too early. What if Isaac takes another week and I could have had just a few more days of pay. What if, what if, what if.
I woke up this morning with a sweet reminder that there is something between me over the canyon and the impending doom below. God proves himself time and time again to be faithful right where I am. It's still strange for me to understand how He does not tire of my questions and little faith. I must say I am very glad He never does.

I have been able to spend a relaxing day enjoying time with my kids. It is the first day in awhile that I have not speculated or agonized over when things would fall into place. I have used the time to do some things around the house, but I am also using the time to pause, reflect, and enjoy the treasures God has entrusted me with.

May the weekend bring you new reminders of God's faithfulness. May your hearts be filled with hope and expectancy. I hope to introduce you to the newest member of our family in the next few days!

Scared but Excited

In just a few short months I will take a GIANT leap of faith. Come to think of it, it will be several giant leaps. I will muster all the the strength and courage I have to labor and birth this baby into the world naturally. I will summon every ounce of patience to take on the challenge of three children, two that will be boys...yikes! Perhaps the biggest leap will be my transition from the workplace to stay at home mom. It will be gradual. I plan to work part time for awhile after maternity leave just to keep things stable until we see where Chris and the new job are heading.
It really just hit me that after 6 years of working, praying, and hoping a day would come that I would be home with my kids, it will be here in three months or less. I am excited and I am scared all at the same time.

I'm a money person. I crunch our numbers and budget all the time. I have always worked and it has always been somewhat of a safety net for me. It is hard for me to sit back and let someone else be the primary bread winner. I know how important the role of mom and housewife is. I am not belittling that in any way. This is just what I have always done. When Chris lost his job in Septemeber it really shook all of my faith and confidence in our plan. My immediete reaction is to go to work and fix things, but I realized that this was a God thing. For some reason the importance of being home had elevated in my heart. In those months we learned about stretching our money more than ever. We also learned a lot about trusting God. I believe it is most important to do everything we can to provide for our family's, but sometimes we do all we can and then we let God meet us half way there.

The war of emotions still wages at times in my heart. Some days I wonder how the heck we will make it work. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to adjust from full time in the work place to being home with the kids. Then I look at my children and the desires God has placed in my heart for them, and I know this is where I am supposed to be for this season. It really has been a time in my life that is all about stretching and doing the things I never believed I could do.

Some people still wonder why I opted for a midwife, and why I would give up the comforting saftey net of modern drugs to tackle the rigors of labor. For me it is simply an outward expression of my faith for what God is doing on the inside. It is about running a race, enduring, stretching yourself beyond what you thought was possible, and then seeing God birth the incredible.

Keep'em Coming

After my long heart rending tale of faith building and trust in God, I've realized I should probably just keep my mouth or perhaps blogging mouth shut. Yet here I am again.

Have you ever watched a press conference where the reporters throw out what we like to call "soft balls?" I'm really starting to wish God would cut me a break and throw a couple of soft balls my way. That just wouldn't be His style. No He has a way of cutting right to the chase of the matter. His pitches never miss, and sometimes in the heat of the moment I sure wish they did.

Money is always a hot topic in life, relationships, and pretty much all matters of society. Naturally adding to a family pushes all of those fears about money to the forefront. Please understand that I realize we have been extremely blessed. We aren't exactly where I would love to be financially, but we pay our bills on time and usually have a little extra to spare. With the expectation of a third child Chris and I really feel it is time for me to stay at home. Taking my income away will really put us in a different financial situation. We have been praying and looking hoping a door will open that will allow Chris to make more money, and me to stay home with the kids.

I said all of this to preface that I have already been deeply worrying about these things. I am a planner, and I want to know the exact how, when , and where things will work out.
In the mean time we had been saving to take a family vacation with my parents for there 30th wedding anniversary. This was planned long before we knew we were expecting, and this late in the game it was a little late to back out. Today we finished our final booking. I was excited, but a little leery as I knew once we returned home we would need to hit the ground running and really build up our savings. This evening we got in the car to take the kids swimming and lo and behold the car will not start. What????!!!! We seriously just dropped over $700 just a few months back to replace the alternator and battery. By now I am cursing myself, cursing life. All I want to do is take this car and push it over a cliff. I am fortunate that what sanity I had left reminded me that the financier would probably still require me to make payments car or no car.

So here I am late at night crying, stressing, and feeling guilty. I continue to pray this is something minor. Perhaps tomorrow I will laugh that I was so ruffled over nothing.
For tonight I must remind myself God is in control, and if I'm to be the woman He desires me to be I just have to say, Keep'em coming.

Leaps and Bounds

When I was a kid there was a really awesome play place called Leaps and Bounds. As an adult I really appreciate that name because looking back it was perfect for what it was. There is nothing more freeing as a child than a place where you are free to run and let your imagination go wild. With every leap the possibilities are endless.

I am ashamed to admit that I fell into the dark adult trap that discourages those leaps and bounds. I'm not talking about wreckless, irrational jumps. I believe every good leap comes from a solid base. I have allowed myself to sit on the sidelines encouraging others to take the leap of faith, while privately waiting for my turn one day. There is a healthy amount of planning in life. God has put a great emphasis on using wisdom in decision making, but there are also times when all the human planning in the world cannot give the little push that it takes to get to that next level. It then simply becomes a matter of priorities, trust, and faith.

Mark your calendars people. May 27, 2010. I have decided I am no longer content to just wait for that day. Look out world, from this moment forward I am moving in leaps and bounds.

The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:19

Nothing New

Solomon states in Ecclesiastes
That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun.

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go people are always looking for the newest sound, the latest trend, or change they can believe in. I read countless blogs and realize similar threads of life that weave through my writings as well as others. We all crave the chance to put our spin on the world as we see it. It may be helpful to ponder this statement. There is really nothing new, if it is said now it was said then. Nations will rise and nations will fall just like the tides of the ocean. Unknown people will rise and achieve great feats and great people will fall and become unknown.

It is with this I realize my writings are not here to create something new or break out with the latest and greatest ideas. It is all simple really, there is only one constant that can turn the mundane into something fresh with purpose. In the mean time as I keep my eye on the prize, to author and finisher of my faith, I'd like to share the journey with you dear reader. All these things that make us different lead us to the point that we are all in the end very much the same.

Merry Christmas Eve

After days and days of preparation and anticipation that hallowed day is upon us. The culmination of parties, decorations, and retailer's holiday flair, which has been on the shelves for months now, will all come together in that glorious date we call Christmas.

I have wanted to add some photo updates from our Christmas adventures, but I always seem to blog at work. I don't have copies of all my pictures on this computer so it makes it quite difficult. I hope to get some pictures up over the holiday weekend.

Tonight is the big night for our family. Since I was a child we have always opened our gifts Christmas Eve. We now have a tradition of going to dinner Christmas Eve at a local restaurant called Italianni's. They have wonderful Italian food in a romantic old school atmosphere. It's the kind of place that feels a little fancier than your everday chains, but has that comfortable neighborhood feel. Afterward we go home and gather in the front living room and read the story of the birth of Jesus. We then do the usual and open gifts and let the kids and adults play around with all the new toys. We usually end up watching a movie that someone received. At 11 pm my dad, Chris , and I head out for a candle light service at a local Lutheran church. This is perhaps one of my favorite traditions. After all of the hustle and bustle of Christmas it is almost sacred to drive out into the empty streets. Everything is quiet and calm. We head into the church surrounded by the faint glow of candles and twinkling lights. The sound of carols fill the air and suddenly I forget about the list of things I needed to do or the gift I forgot to buy. As we participate in the liturgy my spirit is lifted as we verbally affirm the truths of our faith. Some may find this pratice rigorous and monotonous, but there are times when this unification of a body of believers is especially meaningful.
After services we always spend the night at my parents to be together Christmas morning for our stockings. Tomorrow we will go home late in the morning to prepare Christmas dinner at home, and Chris' family will be over. I am pretty excited. We are cooking prime rib which I believe will be delicious!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Warm Me Up

Please don't tell anyone, but I have an awful little secret. I like the cold weather. Give me a cold overcast day and I'm a happy girl. I find this to be a dangerous secret because the vast majority of Texans despise the cold. Oh of course we all wish for the occasional white Christmas, but for the most part, Texas enjoys nice warm sunny weather. One week of cloudy skies and the makers of prozac are back in business.

Maybe I should explain myself a little better. It is not necessarily the cold weather I enjoy, but rather the instincts it draws out in us as human beings. The cold causes us to come inside together, to seek warmth and comfort from the elements. In these moments we realize we are not all that self sufficient, we need something more to bring light and warmth into our lives. Nothing warms me up more than some yummy soup, a warm fire, and my family. Yes even a warmed heart can bring comfort to my physical body.

How often my spirit becomes cold and dreary, and I am reminded once again I need to be drawn in by the love, light, and warmth of a Saviour.