Why Labor?

Two years ago when I gave birth to my son Isaac, I had no idea of the lasting impact that choosing a drug free birth would have on my life. The lessons I learned from labor recently hit me like a ton of bricks as we started our move over a week ago. I'm a generally not fond of big changes. It's not that I like to stay stagnant, but I tend to enjoy putting down some roots and letting changes happen slowly. After 7 years in our first home that welcomed my two boys and saw us through many life altering changes, I started finding it hard to let go of this constant in my life. I knew this change was only for the best. I was generally excited about what was to come, but the fear of leaving behind the familiar and the walk through the valley of change and discomfort was starting to paralyze me. I instinctively began to do what comes naturally to all humans when discomfort comes into play, I began to fight. Hmmmm this seems vaguely familiar to that labor experience two years ago. As I prayed, God really began to pour His peace into my heart gently reminding me of why labor is important, and I'm not just talking about labor to give birth to a child. I am talking about the labor it takes to give birth to any worthwhile endeavor. Labor forces us to let go. It forces us to dig deep and find out what we truly rely on. Is it ourselves? Is it stuff? Is it money? When your are in the throes of labor most of that stuff really starts to pale in comparison to the magnitude of forces working within you. One thing I treasure most about my labor with Isaac was the sweetness and nearness of God that I felt. I believed in the work He was doing within my body. It caused me to let go of the past so my heart was opened wide for the future.


After this comfort from God the week proceeded to be one of those most challenging as we grappled with some difficult decisions. As I reflect back on this week I am grateful that every moment in our lives is orchestrated by God. The fact that He can take completely unrelated experiences in our lives and reveal His truth to us at other points along the journey is amazing to me. When I labored with Isaac I was focused on the task at hand. I had no idea God would work this thread into the tapestry of my story down the road.
I just want to encourage those of you who are laboring. It is often easy to become bogged down and lose site of the promises that lie ahead. There is purpose in labor. It is an exercise of faith, and this is true regardless of what you believe.
I hope in this week you find peace and joy unspeakable!

Sunny Side Up!

We found out today that Isaac decided to take a posterior position in the womb. This explains all of the knots and lumps I have been feeling near the top of my belly and under the rib cage. As my midwife checked me today she exclaimed, "All I feel are hands and feet!"

This is my first time to experience this. I have to admit when she first told me I felt a twinge of fear. I had really started to come to peace with my impending labor, and this heightened those anxieties I thought were finally calm. I know that the possibility of more painful back labor is increased when the baby is in this position. I was given some exercises to perform in hopes of encouraging him to move. I hope that with these and some prayer we will see positive results.

If there is anything this whole pregnancy has taught me it is to let go of preconceived ideas and expectations. As I sit here writing I realize that posterior or anterior God's hand is resting on Isaac and upon me. He is not letting go.

Letting Go of Fear

As the birth of Isaac draws closer I cannot deny that I feel twinges of excitement laced with fear. There is a part of me that jumps with excitement for the climax of this spiritual journey I have been on. In quiet moments my mind begins to race as all of the unknown possibilities present themselves. It is fear pure and simple. A driving force that causes so many of us to stumble or be held back in many areas of our lives. While lying in bed a few nights ago I began to cry because I was afraid. I felt alone. No matter how many voices of comfort I will surround myself with in this journey, the labor is one that I must surrender to deep within myself. It is a place that only I and God know about. Perhaps my confidence is a bit shaky in myself. As I searched for some words of comfort from other mother's stories I came across this piece written by a midwife. As I read it tears were already welling up. It spoke so much to the reasons why I chose this, and gave me the reassurance that I can and will see it through.

Labor is challenging, a powerful process marking the miracle of bringing forth a new life and a new being onto this planet. It is a rite of passage, a psycho spiritual training ground for both mother and child. The laboring woman must put aside her own comfort and learn to surrender to a process so intense that it threatens to consume her. She must have the willingness and openness to dive deep within herself and find the stamina to endure, to focus, and to trust. She may have to stretch beyond her own perceived limitations in order to experience this act of creation in the now.
How many mothers' eyes have filled with tears as they asked "When will it be over?" only to be told to "take each contraction as it comes, be with it, and let it go, for as long as it takes." As she copes with the successive waves of contraction she develops patience and persistence. She forms a bond with this child she is birthing that is all the deeper because it has been forged with hard work and sweat and tears. It may be the most difficult work she has ever done. It is a labor of love and the most precious gift she can give to herself and her baby.
At some point during labor, many women may come face to face with some form of fear: fear of pain, fear of the inability to cope, and at a deeper level, fear of death. It may be that some part of her ego must "die" in order to get out of her own way and surrender control to the instinctual part of her being that knows how to give birth.
When a woman is able to release into her own intuitive consciousness, she gives birth to the spirit of the "Divine Mother" within, opening herself up to experience birth at a profound spiritual level. -Shelly Girard, BS, LMT, LM, CPM

I know there are some women who have birthed naturally and not walked away with a positive experience. I believe often this comes when it was not their choice, or circumstances and people did not allow them to feel confident and in control. Fear was the driving force.
This has caused me to take a good hard look at myself. I find more confidence grows as I surrender to letting go. Fear is paralyzing. It does not allow one to move and flow with the changing of tides. Fear in itself can be deathly.

As a believer I must realize that in God there is no fear. This baby will come, and fear is not going to push that back any farther. Releasing fear allows the all encompassing peace and love of God to rush in and bring encouragement. Even in a place where patience is being tested and character is being chiseled, God is working in the secret place and bringing forth new life.