Another Night

It's just another weeknight, me sitting on the couch alone, waiting for Chris to get off of work. It kind of seems silly to me sometimes. I could just go to bed, and catch some extra sleep, God knows I could always use it. It's just that even though the time is brief, it seems those extra few moments we can see each other keep me going the rest of the time.
This has been one of the hardest seasons of my life. I have a great respect for women who have given the ultimate sacrifice as their men go off to serve their country. I always felt I wasn't nearly strong enough to do that. While my sacrifice is not nearly that, I truly feel great emptiness while Chris is out working two jobs. I was remembering back to those carefree days when it was just us. We could do what we wanted when we wanted. Our responsibilities were not as great. We had limitless time to talk, share our dreams, laugh, and have fun. Now my days are filled with diaper changes, discipline, Veggie Tales, endless explanations of why we don't do this or why we should do this. The last date we were able to steal away was a quick lunch at a Five Guys burger joint. We quickly try to rehash our days in the 20 minutes we have for dinner and the brief moments before our heads hit the pillow for the night. I do not regret my life. There is no other man on earth I would want to do this life with. I love my children, oh how I love them. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are my inheritance and I do and will continue to reap great rewards just from their lives on this earth.
I guess tonight I am just feeling a little lonely, and praying hard this season is short because I would like to have him home more again.

So We Continue

It is amazing how life can change so drastically in split seconds. I am still adjusting to a new outlook on life. Since dad's diagnosis I have stepped back and took stock of many things in life. Many things change, but one thing has remained constant. This is my ever present need to trust only in God and rely solely on the life giving power of Jesus Christ.
We have so much to be thankful for. Dad finished the first round of chemo last Tuesday. He has done so well. Even many of the nurses thought he looked just a little too well to be in the oncology ward. The downside to this was dad was feeling a bit stir crazy. He's never been one to sit around. Just a month ago he was cutting down a giant tree in their backyard. Probably not the best idea in hindsight knowing what we know now, but never the less you can see he's always working hard. After a week in the hospital he was ready to be home. The doctor was obviously very cautious about sending him home too early. The risk of infection was still too great. Thursday his blood counts were looking a lot better. On Friday the doctor gave him the green light to head home after one more platelet transfusion. We are all elated. He is still healing and working through some of the side effects of the chemo, but he is a trooper. He will go for an appointment on Monday to check his blood levels again. He should start the second phase of treatment in August. Please continue to pray for his complete healing. I also ask for prayer for renewed strength and energy. Please pray for continued encouragement from the Holy Spirit and friends as the enemy loves to come in when we aren't feeling at our best and speak lies and bring discouragement.
In other great news my parents will celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary on Monday. What a testament of God's love and faithfulness! That is one thing I love about these two. They stick it out through thick and thin. My mom stayed at that hospital every night with my dad. I heard many people comment that maybe she should just go home for a night, but she was not going to leave his side. I know he would do the same for her. I am proud to call them my parents and proud of the representation they are on this earth of the love Jesus has for His people.
I would also like to ask all those who pray to continue to remember our family in prayer. There has been a lot of craziness in life and experiencing all of these things with three young children in tow is not the easiest. Chris has been an awesome husband and taken on a second job so I can be home with the kids. While I am forever grateful for his hard work, it is still difficult as I was spoiled to having his great help in the evenings. The kids also miss having him home more. We are working through this season with joy and perseverance, but sometimes the joy takes a little extra effort!
I appreciate every prayer and kind word that has been spoken to me and my family during this season. It has been an experience that has impacted me and made my love grow deeper for the family of God.

Bittersweet

I had my first vivid labor dream last night. I will be 36 weeks pregnant in one week, and this is the first dream I have had about having this baby. I always dream in great detail, even if it's crazy details, I can even tell you the direction we were driving our car in. Anyway it brought to the forefront of my mind that this will all be over soon. It's not just that this pregnancy will be over. I think we have both mututally decided that after this child our family will be complete. In the past I never felt quite sure, so the routines of pregnancy and child rearing seemed a little open ended. It's weird to think that these will most likely be my last few weeks to ever feel a baby kick and roll around inside of me.

While I know our child raising days are far from over, this puts sort of a bookend to the experience. It only reaffirms that life is just a series of seasons that are constantly changing. At times I look forward to the day that I will no longer change diapers. I would be lying if I did not say the thought of leisurly eating in a restaurant without trying to keep the kids from bouncing off the walls did not excite me a bit. Yet at the same time these moments are precious and fleeting. There is nothing like feeling the warmth of a newborn snuggled close to your chest. I can think of few experiences that compare to your doctor or midwife handing you your baby as he/she takes their first gulps of breath in this world. Even when I am thoroughly annoyed with my rambunctious boy bouncing in the booth of a restaurant, nothing can hold a candle to when he stops, bends down thoughtfully and says, "I love you mommy," and plants a slobbery kiss on my lips. I also wake up to realize my baby girl is turning into a beautiful young lady right before my eyes. My heart aches just a bit that all those little dresses and hats have seen their last days with us. Once the princess phase has passed we will pack that chapter away for good. I can only pray that something better than Justin Bieber is waiting in the wings when my daughter becomes a tween.

Yes these days are bittersweet, but that is what makes them all the more exciting and special, and I am doing my best to capture each day as it comes.