Are You Done Yet?

When I was pregnant with my 3rd child everyone felt the need to ask the loaded question, "so are you done yet?" Seriously, at a critical, emotional juncture in my life you feel the need to jump into my personal life and demand an answer about something that is frankly none of your business.
Ok, ok, I know that is a little harsh, and for most people this is an innocent question used to spur on casual social interaction. Still for some people it is filled with a twinge of judgment, as if they feel the need to make me think about the dire consequences my procreation will cause.

*Just a little side note for anyone who may be concerned: we currently home school with money out of our own pocket  and personally take care of our children's basic needs. I do not say this to pass judgment on those who require government assistance. All children deserve the best start in life. We all need a little help from time to time.

Now I am do not personally subscribe to the quiver full mentality, but I also have changed a lot of my thinking about family.
I am happy where we are as a family. I am not actively pursuing a larger family, but I believe in a sovereign God and I'm just saying I'm not closed off to anything anymore. I used to need ultimate control in my life. The older I get the more I realize how silly that is. Of course I believe in wise planning and decision making, but I also believe that sometimes when all is said and done we just have to let go.

Tomorrow I am letting go of many baby items I have kept for many years. It is perhaps one of the hardest things I will do. There was something comforting in knowing they were just a few steps away in the attic. I realize now that clinging to those items is not what will determine the future, more children or not. For now I believe it is the season to let go. Who knows what the future holds, I am excited, scared, but mostly excited.

Leaps and Bounds

When I was a kid there was a really awesome play place called Leaps and Bounds. As an adult I really appreciate that name because looking back it was perfect for what it was. There is nothing more freeing as a child than a place where you are free to run and let your imagination go wild. With every leap the possibilities are endless.

I am ashamed to admit that I fell into the dark adult trap that discourages those leaps and bounds. I'm not talking about wreckless, irrational jumps. I believe every good leap comes from a solid base. I have allowed myself to sit on the sidelines encouraging others to take the leap of faith, while privately waiting for my turn one day. There is a healthy amount of planning in life. God has put a great emphasis on using wisdom in decision making, but there are also times when all the human planning in the world cannot give the little push that it takes to get to that next level. It then simply becomes a matter of priorities, trust, and faith.

Mark your calendars people. May 27, 2010. I have decided I am no longer content to just wait for that day. Look out world, from this moment forward I am moving in leaps and bounds.

The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:19

Update from Hibernation

I have not been a good blogger lately. Part of this is due to the fact that I have kept busy at work, and part of it is lack of interest. I hate that I say that, but some days I'm just not up to the daily broadcast. When I write I like to sit down and collect my thoughts and not be interrupted. Considering I do most of my blogging at work this is not always possible. I have a few moments now so here goes a quick update.

In the first tidbit we are no longer putting the house on the market. We were starting to get things ready when two foreclosed in our neighborhood were put on the market for about $40,000 less than we needed to make on our home. Considering they were in decent condition we could not justify to most buyers such a high cost at this time. To be honest it felt like a little setback. We were so pumped to sell the house and pay off a huge chunk of our debt as well as get a cheaper payment in an apartment. It seems like no matter what avenue we try to take God keeps bringing us back to stay in this house for awhile longer. We decided to go ahead and try to refinance. I was excited to find out that since we did not use an FHA the first time around we could qualify to refinance into one with a 4.5% interest rate. Now that is an awesome rate! Of course we will not reap the benefits of selling and collecting a huge sum of cash to pay off a large debt, but there is also no guarentee we would have sold right away or even anytime in the future. In the mean time we would have continued paying a ridiculously high interest rate. We will save almost $300 a month which will definitely help us accelarate our debt snowball. The only thing that could make me happier if if I could move our home out of Dallas county. The taxes are outrageous! We also received good news that our new rate will be assumable, meaning in the future when were try to sell, any potential buyer who qualifies for an FHA can assume our interest rate. Most likely rates will not be this low in a year or two. This will make our home a very attractive property and set us apart from others who might be selling.

In the meantime we are focusing on continuing our financial baby steps and making this home feel like home. Chris and I were both talking last night about how we have focused more on the future and eventually being somewhere else instead of just being content and making this our home for now. We still both carry a strong desire for the simple church ideas, and feel maybe our forward thinking has kept us from truly becoming apart of our neighborhood to impact people here and now in our community. Proverbs says,"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I know we have made a lot of plans, but God moves our steps. He is in control, and we are most at peace when we don't try to put up roadblocks. Wherever I am and wherever I end up all I can say is,"God use me."

Another big change in our lives is my dad is going to Africa for three months. He has been appointed to go help bring some wisdom and structure to a ministry he has worked closely with in Burkina Faso. He has some hard work ahead of him, but I know it will be a great time for him to make connections and be in a land he has come to love so much. We will all miss him a lot. It really hasn't sunk in yet that he won't be around the whole summer. He has traveled for maybe two weeks at a time, but this is a little different. I know Kaylie is really going to miss her papa.

I really have wanted to post pictures, but our computer at home is a pain right now. It is running slower than molasses so it is not worth much. Maybe one day in the future I will get to it.


Now I need to get back and finish up for the end of the day. I'll try to make the next post sooner that two weeks!