Spring is Here....Almost

Time is flying by for me. I still cannot believe that there was snow on the ground a month ago. Alas time is marching on and spring is at our doorstep. This can only mean one thing in my life and that is chaos. My work is in the concrete and landscape industry, so as soon as a beautiful day hits, we are swamped. I'm sure my co-workers are especially appreciative of the fact that my baby is due in the spring right smack dab in the middle of the madness. Oh well what can you do? I tend to become stressed when I cannot fix something. When I combine work stress with baby preparation stress it can be a bit maddening. I am just learning that sometimes I have to step back and refocus my priorities from a big picture point of view.


I realize I am not great at posting pictures. Belly shots are not really my thing. Almost all of my pregnancy photos are taken by my mom when I'm not paying attention. I'm sure if you visit her facebook you will find a few of me in all my ballooning glory. Of course I realize maybe it would be nice to share some of family and general happenings in our lives. As soon as I am home more I am going to make this a priority.


A couple of weeks ago we took our last outing out of state before the baby comes. It's not like we are constantly going out of state, but we thought it would be nice to take a short get away before the baby arrived. We headed across the red river to the Oklahoma City area to visit some dear friends. While we were there they completely blessed us with a toyota 4runner. We have been a 1 car family ever since we've had kids. We haven't had two cars since we were first married. I cannot tell you how awesome it is to know that I will not be stranded at home once the baby arrives. Where Chris is working now, it just wouldn't make sense for me to drive him to work everyday. The gas and tolls would be crazy. Thanks to the wonderful, beautiful Alyson we have a new car, well new to us, that will fit three children and a big yellow lab perfectly. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I am still constantly amazed at the goodness of God in meeting the needs we have at just the right time. I can also only pray that he blesses those who have blessed us in ways they cannot possibly imagine.


Chris is still doing so well at his new job. I cannot say how proud I am of him. He really bounced back from a tough situation. He has really garnered favor in his department, and there is already the possibility that he could be looking at a new opportunity in the near future. It makes me happy to see him excelling and actually enjoying what he does.


Well we are at the 36 week mark, actually by the time I post this I will be inching closer to 37. Things are going fairly well. The last two weeks I was stricken with what we are pretty sure was a case of PUPPP's. For those unfamiliar just google, but basically it is a rash from hell. Basically there is usually not much to do but wait it out until delivery. I used every cream and potion imaginable. I decided to try some baby rash cream called butt paste. It has actually helped it start to clear up, that along with a lot of prayer. I am happy to say this week has been so much better. Other than the frustration of maneuvering off of the bed or off a couch, I am feeling pretty good. This weekend will be a small baby shower with a few friends and family to celebrate Issac. The mountian of baby clothes were washed and put away this past weekend. Chris has been immensley helpful keeping us on task and reminding me to not stress out. I think after this week I will go ahead and get a bag ready for myself and the kids to take to the birthing center. Any suggestions on what I should bring from other mom's who have gone the birth center route? I know I won't be there overnight, unless I am laboring overnight, but I'm just wondering what comforts might be nice to have. This is the first time I will be allowed to eat and drink while laboring. While I am not sure if I will be in the mood or not, any ideas for good foods to keep on hand?


I hope to post some pictures in the next post. We finally decided it was time to get a new computer. Now I can upload pictures without wanting to tear my hair out. If for some reason the baby comes between now and my next post, I will try and post a short update soon after.
Have a wonderful week dear readers.

Bittersweet

I had my first vivid labor dream last night. I will be 36 weeks pregnant in one week, and this is the first dream I have had about having this baby. I always dream in great detail, even if it's crazy details, I can even tell you the direction we were driving our car in. Anyway it brought to the forefront of my mind that this will all be over soon. It's not just that this pregnancy will be over. I think we have both mututally decided that after this child our family will be complete. In the past I never felt quite sure, so the routines of pregnancy and child rearing seemed a little open ended. It's weird to think that these will most likely be my last few weeks to ever feel a baby kick and roll around inside of me.

While I know our child raising days are far from over, this puts sort of a bookend to the experience. It only reaffirms that life is just a series of seasons that are constantly changing. At times I look forward to the day that I will no longer change diapers. I would be lying if I did not say the thought of leisurly eating in a restaurant without trying to keep the kids from bouncing off the walls did not excite me a bit. Yet at the same time these moments are precious and fleeting. There is nothing like feeling the warmth of a newborn snuggled close to your chest. I can think of few experiences that compare to your doctor or midwife handing you your baby as he/she takes their first gulps of breath in this world. Even when I am thoroughly annoyed with my rambunctious boy bouncing in the booth of a restaurant, nothing can hold a candle to when he stops, bends down thoughtfully and says, "I love you mommy," and plants a slobbery kiss on my lips. I also wake up to realize my baby girl is turning into a beautiful young lady right before my eyes. My heart aches just a bit that all those little dresses and hats have seen their last days with us. Once the princess phase has passed we will pack that chapter away for good. I can only pray that something better than Justin Bieber is waiting in the wings when my daughter becomes a tween.

Yes these days are bittersweet, but that is what makes them all the more exciting and special, and I am doing my best to capture each day as it comes.

Letting Go of Fear

As the birth of Isaac draws closer I cannot deny that I feel twinges of excitement laced with fear. There is a part of me that jumps with excitement for the climax of this spiritual journey I have been on. In quiet moments my mind begins to race as all of the unknown possibilities present themselves. It is fear pure and simple. A driving force that causes so many of us to stumble or be held back in many areas of our lives. While lying in bed a few nights ago I began to cry because I was afraid. I felt alone. No matter how many voices of comfort I will surround myself with in this journey, the labor is one that I must surrender to deep within myself. It is a place that only I and God know about. Perhaps my confidence is a bit shaky in myself. As I searched for some words of comfort from other mother's stories I came across this piece written by a midwife. As I read it tears were already welling up. It spoke so much to the reasons why I chose this, and gave me the reassurance that I can and will see it through.

Labor is challenging, a powerful process marking the miracle of bringing forth a new life and a new being onto this planet. It is a rite of passage, a psycho spiritual training ground for both mother and child. The laboring woman must put aside her own comfort and learn to surrender to a process so intense that it threatens to consume her. She must have the willingness and openness to dive deep within herself and find the stamina to endure, to focus, and to trust. She may have to stretch beyond her own perceived limitations in order to experience this act of creation in the now.
How many mothers' eyes have filled with tears as they asked "When will it be over?" only to be told to "take each contraction as it comes, be with it, and let it go, for as long as it takes." As she copes with the successive waves of contraction she develops patience and persistence. She forms a bond with this child she is birthing that is all the deeper because it has been forged with hard work and sweat and tears. It may be the most difficult work she has ever done. It is a labor of love and the most precious gift she can give to herself and her baby.
At some point during labor, many women may come face to face with some form of fear: fear of pain, fear of the inability to cope, and at a deeper level, fear of death. It may be that some part of her ego must "die" in order to get out of her own way and surrender control to the instinctual part of her being that knows how to give birth.
When a woman is able to release into her own intuitive consciousness, she gives birth to the spirit of the "Divine Mother" within, opening herself up to experience birth at a profound spiritual level. -Shelly Girard, BS, LMT, LM, CPM

I know there are some women who have birthed naturally and not walked away with a positive experience. I believe often this comes when it was not their choice, or circumstances and people did not allow them to feel confident and in control. Fear was the driving force.
This has caused me to take a good hard look at myself. I find more confidence grows as I surrender to letting go. Fear is paralyzing. It does not allow one to move and flow with the changing of tides. Fear in itself can be deathly.

As a believer I must realize that in God there is no fear. This baby will come, and fear is not going to push that back any farther. Releasing fear allows the all encompassing peace and love of God to rush in and bring encouragement. Even in a place where patience is being tested and character is being chiseled, God is working in the secret place and bringing forth new life.

Just Take a Pill

Last month I came down with a cold. Of course this is nothing unusual during the winter months where more people are confined indoors. I am usually miserable when I have a cold, but being pregnant and all I am resigned to whatever homeopathic remedies are available plus time.
I am never one to overmedicate as it is. I have found that the older I get the less nyquil and decongestants I choose to take. Honestly they only make me feel slightly better, and as most medical journals will tell you the only tried and true method to end a viral infection like this is time. I cannot tell you how many people came up to me after only three days of being sick asking if I had been to the doctor yet to get some antibiotics. Seriously people!!!??? I had been sick for three days. No matter how many articles come out people still do not udnerstand that the majority of cold like symptoms are viral, and you cannot treat what is not bacterial with an antibiotic. Sadly many doctors are willing to write out a script just to get people moving. It usually takes about ten days for an antibiotic to work as it is which is usually the point that most cold symptoms start to alleviate. This only reinforces the placebo effect.

Why I am writing this? I am no hippie or anything. I believe doctors can be great and are a valuable asset to our society. I also believe we have become to pill happy as a nation. Our quest for convenience has made us forget that usually the symptoms of common illnesses are our bodies way of telling us it may be time to slow down and rest. REST???!!!! That is ridiculous with work, a cell phone that never shuts down, and a world wide network to keep up with who wants to rest? It seems so much easier to pop a pill. Of course when you read the side effects of many prescriptions you will soon realize a whole host of problems can arise just from taking a pill. The answer to most of these side effects is obviously another pill. Hmmm conspiracy?
Ok I won't go there because I don't know all the answers, but sometimes it seems a bit suspicious.

I for one try to keep my prescription intake to a minimal level as well as my children's. I have had wonderful results with allowing my children to rest, drink plenty of fluids, and let many viral infections resolve naturally. There are times I will take them to the doctor. I will never let them suffer unecessarily when a medication is truly necessary. Overall they are very happy healthy kids who are rarely sick.

We have been given wonderfully designed bodies by God which have many amazing disease fighting mechanisms built in.
I am not advocating not seeing a doctor if you have a serious health condition or symptoms that persist past ten days. I am just asking that you take a step back when illness strikes and evaluate the situation from a hollistic point of view. Could diet or lifestyle also be playing roles in a weakened immune system?

A Tribute to My Momma

Fifty years ago today my mother made her grand entrance into this world followed shortly by her twin sister Marla. It is really hard for me to believe my mom is 50. Seriously the woman has Benjamin Button syndrome and is aging in reverse. She worries about getting older but in a room full of other people her age she doesn't look like she could be past her 30's. When she is out with my kids people often refer to them as her children and are shocked to learn that they are in fact her grandchildren. So mom don't even fret about today, if there is indeed a fountain of youth, you have found it.

I could say a lot of things about my mom. People have often thought she was simply a quiet unassuming housewife, but I'm sorry to tell them they were all wrong.
My mom has always been the ideal mom. She stayed home to take care of use, chaffeured us here and there, ate lunch with us at school, had dinner ready on the dot, and supported and loved her husband in everything he did. She sacrificed a lot during those years. She dealt with a lot of grief from people, especially in the ministry, who did not understand or appreciate her giftings. She never became angry or bitter. To this day her heart is always for reconcilitation and restoration in relationships. She reaches out to those who other people forget. She gives of her time to be there for others. She truly is the Proverbs 31 woman.

Life was good for us kids. Unfortunately as I grew older my opinionated, feminist tendencies began to come out. While I had enjoyed the fruits of my mothers labor and sacrifices, I despised the thought of being a stay at home mom. I couldn't understand how she could be happy and content being home raising a family. My teenage years in the house were a little...well strained for lack of a better word.
My mother has always been a God fearing woman and she did her best raising us and praying for us, but I of course felt the need to break free of the shackles that I felt were strict and legalistic. I am ashamed of the many times I know she went to bed in tears because of things I said. No matter what she stood by me and prayed for me and loved me. We learned a lot from each other. It was probably not until I was engaged to Chris that things started to change in our relationship
My first year of marriage really changed our relationship. She become my closest friend and confidant. In many ways we met each other half way. I finally realized that my immaturity had blinded me to many of the things only a mother can see.
My mom met me by softening and letting me air some of my views which she would correct if neccessary with truth and love.
She really stepped out of her comfort zone, and did what she had to love and not lose her children.

I love that about my mother. She has not been afraid to grow and change through the years. Don't get me wrong, this woman will never compromise her core beliefs and principles, but she speaks the truth in love. People know that she can be trusted. Experience has taught her not to judge quickly, and she is reaping the benefits of that. She has allowed her love to spill outside the church walls without reservation. She is a godly woman who gets up at 4am to be on her knees before the Lord praying for her family and friends.

My mother is an excellent grandmother. She has been such a blessing to us watching Kaylie and Micah when I had to work. She has gone out of her way to not just watch them, but to take them places and do things I would do if I could be home. They truly feel like her home is their home. She has been patient enough to once again put up with the messes and behavior hiccups that come with two children, and she doesn't bat an eye. Because of her I don't worry about whether my kids are getting good care. The best part is they are in a place where they feel loved.

Here's to a woman of God, a beloved daughter, wife, mother, grandmother, and friend. We always joke together that her life is just starting as she has started to really come out of her shell. I really do believe the next half of her life will be even more spectacular than the first.
I love you mom! Now go finish changing the world.

Scared but Excited

In just a few short months I will take a GIANT leap of faith. Come to think of it, it will be several giant leaps. I will muster all the the strength and courage I have to labor and birth this baby into the world naturally. I will summon every ounce of patience to take on the challenge of three children, two that will be boys...yikes! Perhaps the biggest leap will be my transition from the workplace to stay at home mom. It will be gradual. I plan to work part time for awhile after maternity leave just to keep things stable until we see where Chris and the new job are heading.
It really just hit me that after 6 years of working, praying, and hoping a day would come that I would be home with my kids, it will be here in three months or less. I am excited and I am scared all at the same time.

I'm a money person. I crunch our numbers and budget all the time. I have always worked and it has always been somewhat of a safety net for me. It is hard for me to sit back and let someone else be the primary bread winner. I know how important the role of mom and housewife is. I am not belittling that in any way. This is just what I have always done. When Chris lost his job in Septemeber it really shook all of my faith and confidence in our plan. My immediete reaction is to go to work and fix things, but I realized that this was a God thing. For some reason the importance of being home had elevated in my heart. In those months we learned about stretching our money more than ever. We also learned a lot about trusting God. I believe it is most important to do everything we can to provide for our family's, but sometimes we do all we can and then we let God meet us half way there.

The war of emotions still wages at times in my heart. Some days I wonder how the heck we will make it work. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to adjust from full time in the work place to being home with the kids. Then I look at my children and the desires God has placed in my heart for them, and I know this is where I am supposed to be for this season. It really has been a time in my life that is all about stretching and doing the things I never believed I could do.

Some people still wonder why I opted for a midwife, and why I would give up the comforting saftey net of modern drugs to tackle the rigors of labor. For me it is simply an outward expression of my faith for what God is doing on the inside. It is about running a race, enduring, stretching yourself beyond what you thought was possible, and then seeing God birth the incredible.

It May Be Crazy, but I'll Take It

Late Christmas day I stood in the kitchen washing dishes. My feet were tired and I was generally just emotionlly and physically tired. I love Christmas, but after a long two days of last minute shopping, hauling gifts to grandparents, hauling gifts home, and cooking my body was exhausted. I quickly realized that maybe there were one too many toys that made various squeaks and noises. Couple that with the occasional sibling argument over a toy, and I was ready to lock myself away for some peace and quiet.

I love to look back on these moments because God has a way of subtly shifting the heart's focus. As the ipod played Christmas music in the background a song came on that instantly took me back six years in time. I was a broken woman, broken from loss. I was still recovering from a miscarriage two months prior. It was a pregnancy I had not particularly planned or been too enthusiastic about in the beginning which made the eventual loss all the more devastating. God had been working in me to build the heart of a mother. Before I was all too selfish and absorbed with the inconvenience a child could bring. As my heart and mentality began to change I was crushed when it all seemed to be ripped away with one trip to the doctor and a heartbreaking sonogram.

That Christmas all my heart longed for was a child, not a baby to replace the one lost, but to soothe the aching mother's heart that had been conceived, but not fully formed. Little did I know that Christmas season that just two weeks later I would find out I was carrying our beloved Kaylie. She was my Christmas gift, and one that would carry Chris and I to a new level of love as people and parents. God was faithful to us that Christmas and has continued that work of chiseling a mother's heart into me.

As I came back to the reality of loud toys and boisterous children I looked at the situation from a different place. These children are my gifts and my inheritence. It may be crazy and I may be tired, but I wouldn't have it any other way.