The Birth of Isaac Timothy Medrano Part 2

As we headed toward the birth center I kept my eye on the clock. I kept anticipating the next contraction, but as we neared 5 minutes I had nothing. It was so strange. I started feeling almost normal. I started to worry. I told Chris over and over again how sure I was that they were going to take one look at me and send me home. I was already embarrassed that I, a third time mom, would make such a mistake in assessing my own progress. It took us about 20 minutes to get there, and the whole way no contractions. As we pulled into the birthing center I saw everyone's cars, and I wanted to just turn around and go home. Oh well there was no turning back. I would have to face the music no matter what the outcome. Ann was getting out of her car. As I got out I suddenly doubled over with another contraction. It may sound crazy, but even in all that pain I was so relieved. One of or birth assistants, Michelle, asked me if I wanted to use the restroom first. I wasn't really sure where we were at with progress, but that seemed like a good idea. While in the bathroom, the contractions started picking up again. I hobbled my way to the room where Ann was getting the birth tub ready. She asked if I wanted to labor on the bed for awhile or get in. I think I was already stripping from the waist down to get in before she even finished her sentence. We did decide to go ahead and check my progress before I got in. I was dilated to a 6. Hallelujah! I hadn't imagined this labor. It was for real and we were going to have a baby! It's hard for me to describe the pain of contractions. They were rough, and I sometimes felt like my insides were turning inside out, but at the same time they were so much better than contractions from pitocin. Even though each contraction progressively became more intense, I felt in control. This was a good feeling. In the hospital I always felt like I was spinning out of control. I would start to dread each contraction, anticipating the pain instead of taking them one at a time.
I slipped into the tub which felt absolutely amazing. How had I ever done this any other way? I mentally assessed the situation. If I was at a 6, I figured I had a good 1-2 hours to mentally prepare for the pushing. This was the part that terrified me the most. I feared the sensation of the baby dropping down, and literally feeling every move as he progressed down the birth canal. I dreaded the "ring of fire" I had heard so many women talk about during natural labor.
I settled in and the next contraction started to come. Kaylie had woken up and wanted to be in the room. We had discussed it and decided it would be a good experience for her as long as she felt comfortable. She came and sat by the tub and held my hand as I worked through a contraction. The water definitely helped as I was able to float through the contraction. Suddenly things started picking up. Chris came to hold my other hand and I started feeling a lot of pressure with each contraction. I told Ann who gently reminded me to relax my whole lower body and allow my baby to come down. She was such a reassuring presence. I believe I had a few contractions come one right after the other. Now I realize I was transitioning. She told me to turn so she could see my baby coming down. What!!!!??? I had only been there about 30 minutes. There is no way he can be coming down. I am not ready to push yet. I haven't had my time to relax, labor, and prepare for this moment. I know a lot of women would give anything for a short labor, and of course looking back I am gad as well. It is still strange when you have prepared yourself for the long haul, and all of a sudden it is all coming down on you at once. It is a bit intense. I thought Kaylie would want to leave the room at this point, but she was steadfast by me. With Chris supporting me from the back, Ann gently instructed me to follow her instructions. "We're not here to blast this baby out," was something she reminded me. This is so different than a hospital. Most of the time we are encouraged to push as hard as we can by nurses and doctors. With an epidural that is not a problem. There is no inhibition, but that forceful pushing is what so often leads to horrible tears and unwanted cuts. What happened next I attribute to cementing my belief that a good midwife coached birth is beyond compare.
I felt the head ready to crown. I must admit in that moment I freaked out. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to push that out of such a small area. I wanted to jump out and run, but what could I do? She told me to give a gentle push when I felt the next contraction. My mind wondered when I would know it was right, but suddenly my body instinctively took over. I pushed until she told me to breathe. We did this several times and I wondered if he would ever come out. Little did I know those controlled pushes, and breaks to breathe allowed the perineum to slowly stretch and accommodate Isaac's head. Suddenly I felt it, the ring of fire. I can't lie here and say it was pleasant, but then I immediately felt something I had never felt with Kaylie or Micah. I felt his little body leaving mine. It was weird but I'm told the only yell I gave was as his shoulders came out. The cord was wrapped around his neck a couple of timeS, but Ann quickly unwrapped it, and brought Isaac to my chest. In that moment I was awestruck. I had done it. In about 3 hours I had crossed the threshold I had feared for so long. I had a warm, blue eyed little baby staring back at me from my chest. Ann later told me it had to be the Lord that kept my from contractions from coming on the ride there or we probably would have been delivering a baby on the side of the road. Isaac was here fully alert and surrounded by so much love. Kaylie was beyond thrilled. It was such an amazing experience. She never once flinched. She kept telling us that it was the best day of her life. Chris cut the cord and we were allowed to spend time bonding with our precious son. This is perhaps what I loved most about the experience. Our birth team made sure this experience was about us. We were never rushed. Isaac was allowed to be with us at all times, and family was able to be close. It was amazing.
When I finally was out of the birth tub Ann checked me for tears. There was only a small little "skid mark" as she called it. We believe it occurred when his shoulder came out because that was the only cry I had made during pushing. It did not require stitches, which was a huge relief!
I truly did not believe it was possible for me not to tear. With Micah, the doctor told me I would probably at least tear where the scar was from my episiotomy.
I credit Ann with her awesome coaching skills. She was there at each turn instilling confidence that my body was made to do this. I also must credit the other to amazing women on the birth team. Michelle and Jenee' were so wonderful and encouraging. I could not have asked for a better birth.

The birth of Isaac has brought our family even closer. In the days that have followed I have been filled with so much emotion. In a weird way I am sad it is over. I remember hearing many women who chose to use midwives rave about their experience. I sometimes felt they were overly dogmatic. Now that I have experienced the difference between a hospital and the care of a midwife, I am starting to understand where they were coming from. This birth changed my life. It opened me to a whole new dimension of love and sacrifice as a mother. It caused me to surrender to God in a whole new way. It truly ushered in a gentle beginning for our little Isaac. He has been so peaceful and content. He has been with us every hour since his birth. His brother and sister just love him to pieces, and I credit that with them being an active part of this pregnancy and his birth. After the birth we napped on the big bed in the birth room. All of our children were piled on just like being at home. It was so wonderful.

I find myself still processing the experience, as I am sure will be the case in the weeks to come. I cannot say enough good things about the Gentle Beginnings Birth Center staff. Ann changed my view on all things birth. I was constantly challenged to re-asses my previous mind set. I find myself getting a little teary just thinking I won't be going to see them for regular appointments. I am lucky that they have built such a great community that allows women to stay connected even after birth.

I leave you with a quote I have heard many times before, but it speaks so clearly to me when it comes to natural childbirth.

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." -Laura Stavoe Harm

Coming Soon.....

The Birth Story of Isaac Timothy Medrano

Our baby boy Isaac joined us Saturday at approximately 1:30 in the morning. He weighed 7lbs. 14oz. and was 20 inches long. I told my midwife I did not even know it was possible for me to birth babies less than 8lbs! It has been quite the whirlwind. I am presently gathering my thoughts to write his story out. Please check back soon as it will probably be posted in pieces.
Isaac and family are doing very well. He has been such a joy and a blessing to our family. We appreciate every kind word of encouragement, prayer, and the help we have received. I look forward to sharing our continuing journey with you.

The Birth of Isaac Timothy Medrano Part 1

As I sit down to start writing this story my heart is flooded with emotion. It is a story that is beating to get out of my chest, yet when I try to write it, it is hard to adequately convey every sense, every emotion that I have felt over the past few days since the birth of Isaac. I am still easily moved to tears which can make it hard to gather my thoughts into a cohesive sentence, not to mention it is hard to see the screen through blurry contacts. Please bear with me as I tell my tale a little bit at a time.

As we drove to the the birth center yesterday for my first postpartum check up, my mind raced back to our first visit with Ann and Gentle Beginnings almost 9 months ago. It seems almost like a lifetime ago. Our lives have changed so much. I remember feeling a little scared and a little excited at the prospect of taking a different path for this pregnancy. As we sat in the waiting room I battled between the part of me that wanted to play it safe and stick with the norm, and the deep womanly intuition in me that knew if I did not take this chance I would regret it the rest of my life.
I had so many doubts and so many questions then, but that day as we drove towards the clinic for what would be one of the last few visits for this pregnancy's journey, every doubt and every question had been washed away in a moment that changed my life forever.

Friday I spent a leisurely day with the kids. I was so glad I had taken Chris' advice and stayed home from work. Little did I know how important that day of rest and time with the kids would be. I didn't really have any abnormal contractions. I would get the same light braxton-hicks like contractions. I was tired, but that was nothing new from the past month. When Chris got home we decided we would grab dinner out and then spend the evening watching a movie. At home I made some brownies and we finished Finding Nemo with the kids. Chris and I even proceeded to get into a small argument about something silly. I'm still amazed about how normal things can be right before your body throws you into the ride of your life.

I was still frustrated at Chris which kept me from noticing a steady stream of light contractions that began to come on. I laid down to rest, but slowly started noticing an increase in intensity. All I could think was, great now I have to break my carefully planned wall of silence and tell Chris. When I did tell him I started crying about how scared I was. It really hit me that this was it, no turning back now. He just smiled and said, "I love you, I guess my plan worked to get this labor started." I tried my best to give a smart comment about how this didn't change how I felt, but another contraction hit. Suddenly I knew I wasn't up for playing the game anymore. Chris is always my rock, and I knew I needed him now more than ever. We started timing contractions. They were still about 9 minutes apart and only lasting 45 seconds. This was at about 10:30. They started getting closer together. I was really hesitant about calling the Ann. I didn't want to be that lady who gets everyone up late at night only for a false alarm. I also knew my body. My labors have been fairly quick, and I didn't want to deliver this baby en-route to the birth center. I told Chris just to text her. Awesome midwife that she is Ann called me within a minute. I have never known a doctor to do that! She sat with me on the phone through a contraction. She said from the length of it she would suggest I take a warm bath. If it wasn't time that should slow things down so I could rest. If this was the real deal things would get more intense. I poured a bath and got in. While the warm water felt good, it was hard to get comfortable in a small tub between contractions. I stuck it out as long as I could and decided I needed to get out and labor on the bed. I had Chris start my birth play list. Things definitely started to rev up. As I look back on this time it is one of my most precious memories. The kids were in bed. Chris did some last minute laundry while I tried to relax. Every time a contraction would come, he would quickly come over to rub my lower back and whisper encouragement to me There was so much love, it was a sweet presence in the room. Even though I was starting to battle some intense pain I loved this time with just Chris, the Lord, and I. Knowing there was no safety net for the pain, I really started to dig deep and visualize each contraction like waves, surrendering to the work they were doing in me to bring this baby out. I had no choice but to fully trust in the Lord, and believe He made this body to do the work. The pace started to pick up. We were at about 5 minutes apart with each contraction lasting over a minute long. After one ended I decided I should walk downstairs and rehydrate. I made a pit stop in the bathroom and then was hit with side splitting contraction. It had been less that 2 minutes since the last one. I made my way upstairs to lay down on the bed and was hit again. I told Chris I really thought we should head out. He called Ann and told her I was ready to go. It was about 12:50 in the morning by this point. Chris made sure everything was ready and got the kids up. As I walked to the car my only thought was how will I ever make the car ride with these contractions coming so close together. I may die before we arrive.
No turning back now. We were loaded up and on our way.

40 Weeks

I sit here today very hopeful, very expectant, and yes still very pregnant. Congratulations Isaac, you and your brother made it to the 10 month club. They are only proving my theory that boy's just want to be comfortable.
At the advice of my midwife and Chris, I decided to make yesterday my last day of work. I promised myself I wouldn't cry this time around the first time I put on a pair of shoes and my feet had swollen to the point they felt too tight. I guess that is what I get for making unrealistic promises. It may have been at this point that Chris was tipped off to the fact that maybe I needed some time to rest. Trying to keep a "normal" routine with my two children that starts at about 5am gets really difficult at this point in pregnancy.
I left work yesterday not knowing if I would even be back. If business does not warrant a part time position at the end of my leave, I very well could unemployed for the time in almost 8 years. While this is a choice I made with full understanding of the possibilities, I still felt a twinge of fear yesterday as I walked out the door. Here I was finally taking the leap of faith I had desired for so long. I felt like one of those cartoon characters in an old Warner Bros. flick who runs out over a canyon only to look and down and realize there is nothing between you and impending doom but air. Of course this is not the truth, but it's just what I was feeling in the moment. I quietly worried last night if I had decided to take leave too early. What if Isaac takes another week and I could have had just a few more days of pay. What if, what if, what if.
I woke up this morning with a sweet reminder that there is something between me over the canyon and the impending doom below. God proves himself time and time again to be faithful right where I am. It's still strange for me to understand how He does not tire of my questions and little faith. I must say I am very glad He never does.

I have been able to spend a relaxing day enjoying time with my kids. It is the first day in awhile that I have not speculated or agonized over when things would fall into place. I have used the time to do some things around the house, but I am also using the time to pause, reflect, and enjoy the treasures God has entrusted me with.

May the weekend bring you new reminders of God's faithfulness. May your hearts be filled with hope and expectancy. I hope to introduce you to the newest member of our family in the next few days!

He Restores The Years

Then I will make up to you for the years

That the swarming locust has eaten,

The creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the knawing locust,

My great army which I sent among you.

Joel 2:25

I had a vivid dream last night. It was not about a specific instance, but it was one of those abstract dreams that brings back the reminders and feelings of past events. My first thoughts when I awoke were to flash back ten years ago. Ten years, has it really been that long?

I remembered my life at this very season ten years ago. I was seventeen. I thought I knew everything. The reality was I was a broken down mess. Every month my parents were finding out some new piece of news about me, and it was never good. I was running around with men I had no business associating with at my age, and putting myself into many dangerous situations. Each night I went to bed heartbroken, because even though I knew it all, deep inside the aching empitness dug its roots into my heart. The Saviour I had once so eagerly given my heart to at a young age seemed far and distant. At the time I was too blind to realize it was not He who had left. I had just stopped letting Him fill the seemingly unquenchable desire to be loved and accepted.

In the midst of it all I remember feeling I had run too far in the opposite direction. Surely even if I gave in, even if I surrendered, there would be years of punishment awaiting me.

How easily I forgot the message of the cross, a sweet message of grace and restoration.

There came a point when my legs could not carry me any farther. A point I reazlied that as I fell down God was waiting there to catch me.

It is ten years later. Instead of facing a spring of death and despair as I did so long ago, I eagerly await the birth of my child, a gift of life. I have been given a great earthly love, a man God has chosen to walk the journey of life with me. I have been given three children, an inheritance from the Lord. I have a home that is never lacking for our basic needs. Most importantly I have been restored to the love of my Saviour in whom there is no shadow of turning. I have peace.

The road of restoration was not all roses. I have still had many lessons to learn over the past ten years. If you are to read the beginning of Joel 2 Israel had experienced great devastation as a consequence for their actions, though consequences differ greatly from punishment. Consequences offer us the path to learning and change. The road to healing is often started in brokeness. Ten years later I can attest to the truth in verse 25. He is faithful to make up for the years the locust has eaten.

Thank God for His great goodness and grace!

Saint Patty's Day Baby

Dear Isaac,

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but yesterday I was pretty tired and ready to do whatever it took to bring on labor. I am sorry because I really don't mind you snuggled inside. What can I say? The end of pregnancy makes every mama a little crazy. I just want you to know I have settled down, and am doing everything I can not to let outside influences affect our last days being this close together.

I did briefly think it would be cool if you decided to be a Saint Patty's Day baby. I'm not sure why. I never really celebrate, and I almost always forget to wear something green. You would be the perfect reason to celebrate, and I would be sure never to forget Saint Patrick's day again.

Your sister loves almost any holiday. She made sure she was decked out in green. If you decided to make an appearance today, she would make us stop at the store on the way to the birth center just to buy a green hat or onesie. Yup she is just cool like that.

We can't wait to meet you, to hug you, and to kiss your little face.

I've given up trying to make sure everything is perfect because I know you honestly won't care. I will better serve you by maintaing my sanity and being ready to hold you, love you, and provide all the attention you need to feel wanted and secure.

So take as long as you need little one. I won't rush you. If you do decided to surprise me late into the evening, we'll toast your arrival with some green kool-aid and mark the first Saint Patrick's Day I have ever celebrated.

Much love,

mama

Sunny Side Up!

We found out today that Isaac decided to take a posterior position in the womb. This explains all of the knots and lumps I have been feeling near the top of my belly and under the rib cage. As my midwife checked me today she exclaimed, "All I feel are hands and feet!"

This is my first time to experience this. I have to admit when she first told me I felt a twinge of fear. I had really started to come to peace with my impending labor, and this heightened those anxieties I thought were finally calm. I know that the possibility of more painful back labor is increased when the baby is in this position. I was given some exercises to perform in hopes of encouraging him to move. I hope that with these and some prayer we will see positive results.

If there is anything this whole pregnancy has taught me it is to let go of preconceived ideas and expectations. As I sit here writing I realize that posterior or anterior God's hand is resting on Isaac and upon me. He is not letting go.