Passport Hoops

The ever elusive passport will be one step closer to me after today. It is hard for me to believe that it has been nine years since I left this country. Nine years! Of course overseas travel can be a bit pricey, so I have not always been motivated to get my passport renewed, but I finally feel I am at a time in my life to get it done. I just wish they didn't make it so difficicult just because I had a tiny change in my life called getting married and having my name changed. Come on people over half the country does this so why make me start from scratch? Never the less the idea started at the beginning of last year. Being the frugal person I am I kept finding reasons why I should push back dropping the $100+ it would take to get everything done.

Christmas came and all I wanted was my passport. Chris has now set aside $100 in the budget every month until I get it done. I started off filling out the paperwork online and printing so everything would be nice, neat, and legible. Then a couple of weeks later I got around to getting my photos made. I was really proud of how much progress I was making. Chris told me that my birth certificate was safely stored and to just let him know when I needed it. I finally realized that the post office makes it almost impossible to drop off passport applications on the weekend so I decided that I would just take it in at lunch one day. I was so excited and proud that I would finally have this accomplished. My hopes were dashed last week when I went to get the birth certificate my mom had given me. I realized what she had was only the hospital copy, and not the actual county issued certificate. She was not sure where the official one was so I realized I was at the mercy of the government once again. I found myself filling out more paperwork, copying more documents, and writing another check so that I can have my birth certificate mailed to me. Today the paperwork will be mailed off to the Oklahoma Department of Vital Statistics. The worst part of it all is that it will take up to four weeks just to get that mailed back.

I am not planning a trip at the moment, but I am so far into this that I just want to be done with it. So if the government timetables are a best estimate, I should be looking at receiving a passport in 2-3 months. Yay me! You can be sure I will be planning a trip just to celebrate this grand achievement. I see the euro is on its way down. Maybe that trip to Europe isn't so far fetched after all!

Blessing Our Children

Somewhere between the stern mom looks, the panicked shrieks of, "what did you do?", and the daily mom admonishments for proper growth and training I try to squeeze in an, "I love you" or an "I'm so proud of you." I love my kids dearly, but moms know that the day to day reality of running a home can cause the sweet dream of a family from the Truman show to melt in puddles of toys and dirty laundry.

On any particular evening I find myself frazzled with cooking, cleaning, refereeing, or just trying to spend time with two children who love to compete for attention. More often than not this is followed by raised voices and frustration. What's a mom to do when there are so many demands and so little time? I believe the answer lies directly in one practice, and that is blessing our children. I'm not talking about buying toys or empty praise. This practice is simply looking at our children as God sees them, and taking the time to verbally speak blessing to them and over them.

I will attest that this does not create perfect children, but what a joy they are to me when I stop looking at minute circumstance of raising children and realize the God given gifts He has placed in my care. I have been reading the story in the Bible about Deborah with Kaylie. I continually pray over her that she will have a greater revelation of her destiny. I pray that she will grow to be a mighty woman of God. Yesterday we were driving down the road and Kaylie told Chris, I am going to be a woman of God, and Micah will be a man of God. My heart could only smile.
Micah is still young, and it can be hard to sit an active toddler down for anything. I take many evenings when he is quieting down to just rock him, pray over him, and speak blessings over his life. In those moments, when he is drifting between reality and the land of dreams, there is such a peace that settles over the room.

I know they do not fully understand the meaning of everything that is said, but so often I believe we underestimate the power of words. It is not unheard of to see children or even adults who have low self esteem and no purpose in life. More often than not you can look at a history of verbal abuse. Sometimes it is not as intentional as we think. Sometimes it as simple as saying hurtful words when we are frustrated. It can be neglecting to show our children their true value in our eyes and the eyes of God. Words have power. Life and death to be more precise. I had a teacher in middle school who was always encouraging us to speak life to one another. Today I encourage you as you go about your routine to take a moment and speak life over your kids. Blessing our children has power.

Coming Out of a Cave

It is over a month into the new year and this is my first post. I apologize to the couple of readers who may have been disappointed. It has been an interesting start to the year. Upon leaving the last year with great joy and anticipation, I felt as though a great cloud came over me. The first day of the new year I was greeted with the news that an old friend from Starbucks days had passed away. It was completely unexpected, and hard to grasp. We all know the fragility of life, but when we stare it straight in the face the reminder is only that much more startling. The month of January became a very tumultuous time. Our family was sick for about two weeks which only added to the doldrums. I cannot truly describe what I experienced. It almost felt like depression. I simply felt lonely. Each day of cold weather only mirrored the damp feeling I had in my heart. We all have points in our life where we stop to take inventory of where we are and what we have accomplished. I simply felt weak and for lack of a better word, unaccomplished. I was in a cave, hidden from the world.

It is amazing to me the places God leads us. It was a tough month. I did not write because I literally felt empy in soul and spirit. A funny thing about these times in the cave is the moment of realization that the cave is not as empty as I thought. In that month I really began to feel the sweet comfort of God as He came to build a fire and wrap a warm blanket around my heart. It is in the destitute moment, the realization again of our stripped bare human condition, that we are once again able to receive the grace for which Jesus shed his blood. One verse that kept me going and really comforted my heart is found in Isaiah 49

15 "Can a woman forget her nursing child
And have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. "

How can you not read this and not weep? How precious we are to the Lord. Even in our weakest state He does not forget. I try to go outside of myself to look down upon my life. I see myself as simple, plain, unadorned, just another person on this stage of life.
The Father looks down and what He sees is through rose colored glasses as many would say. He sees through the blood of His son. His thoughts towards me and you are full of love. He only leads us to the deserted land so that He can shower His love upon our lives. I often say, " but God what about the plans for me, what about the great things I want to do for you?"
Almost no parent can simply forget their child, let alone their great hopes and plans for that child. God says even they may forget, but He will not forget you. This love is so awesome I cannot stand it.

Thank you reader that are still with me. I really needed this time away to process and just be refreshed. I appreciate any readership I get so I will try to be a good blogger. I hope this time away has given me new ideas and a more refined approach to the craft.
May the rest of your week be full of love and enoucouragement, and if you are finding yourself in that cold dark cave keep your heart soft.

The Neverending Theme

I enjoy reading other people's blogs. It gives me a peek into the challenges and joy of other's. This also reinforces to me that so often people are experiencing the same questions, internal battles, and life events that I am or have gone through. I have found it to be one of the delights of technology. Of course it has its pitfalls, but finally the common man has an outlet outside of publishing a book or waiting till death when some historian discovers your long lost diary.

I started all this to say I really relish reading new years blogs. I love the excitement and anticipation of a new year. I also love the wistful memories of the year past. It is always a bittersweet time, letting go of the old, and bringing in the new. I will try to not let the bitter overcome the sweet. It is a new year, and I know that I have no guarantee in this life other than the saving grace of Jesus. On this I will rest all my hopes and dreams for the new year. Come what may, He will never change.

Happy New Year


Lamentations 3:22-24 (Message Translation)
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
His merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great Your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

Loved Every Minute

Tonight the Christmas tree and other miscellaneous decorations will come down. We tried to make the tree last till New Years. It is unfortunate but live trees do not last well in the presence of our blaring heater. You can barely see the tree skirt as it has been replaced by a blanket of needles. Micah also took it upon himself to start taking down ornaments over the last couple of days. The tree is pretty much bare from his height down. Taking down the tree is like ripping a bandaid off. I cannot think about. I just have to do it. It is a shame after so much excitement and anticipation it all winds down so quickly. Alas that is simply life. I must keep a brave face for Kaylie. She was already heartbroken when I mentioned eventually taking down the tree on Christmas Day. Her responce was completely dumbfounded, as she innocently asked, "Christmas is already over?" She has such a merry heart. A week past Christmas she is still humming Christmas tunes. I am glad the message still rings true to her, and I hope it does not fade even as the twinkle of lights begins to dim.

In spite of Christmas being over we made many new memories. I decided to keep things happy and lighthearted so I decided to share a quick rundown of our Christmas events.
We had a traditional Christmas Eve as a family. Traditional in every way except for the blanket of snow sitting outside the window. I was released from work at 11am and enjoyed the afternoon by getting a few last minute gifts and then settling in at my aunt's house for some Christmas treats. Kaylie was completely amazed by the snow. She told me she had prayed for snow. She was so excited to see her prayers answered. We went out for a bit, but that did not last long. I am fairly cynical when it comes to any reports of snow in Texas, and I had not prepared well for a snowstorm. Kaylie is also a true Texan. She loves the look of snow, but about five minutes outside, and she was freezing to death. Micah was excited, but still too young to really understand what the commotion was about.

We had a great dinner at Italianni's followed by my absolute favorite dessert, the tartuffo. I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly. I am fairly certain that if their is a special dessert in heaven this is it. I always share with someone because I am embarrassed to say that I would eat a whole piece, which is not small. I must set some restrictions on myself.

Gift opening was fun. It is more fun to watch your kids. I was still very blessed by the family. My favorite part was really just being together, and feeling the joy and festivity that comes from grateful hearts. The weather was quite bad, but my dad and I still ventured out for the midnight mass. We were 2 of maybe 15 people in attendance. It was actually quite special. The chill of the night was quickly dampened as warm candlelight and joyful voices filled the air. The pastor gave a wonderful homily which was very relevant and gripping. I am not trying to knock the Lutheran chruch, but I have been to many services where the sermon was a bit weak, and the pastor got off on too many rabbit trails. The most surprising event was that the pastor actually came to speak with us afterward. After 10 years of attending this Christmas Eve service, he recognized us. I'm sure they find it quite humorous that we are so faithful to that Christmas Eve service even in inclement weather, but have never set foot in the church any other time of the year. Well no explanation really needed. Whether they know it or not we are of one faith serving the same God. We just happen to attend another church the rest of the year =)

Christmas Day was very special. It has been awhile since we spent the whole day together as a family. I cooked a prime rib with sides, and my mom prepared turkey and desserts. Chris' mom was with us as well as friends who are just as much family. We ate too much, played the wii, watched t.v., talked, laughed, and played games. It was everything Christmas should be. I am so grateful for family and friends. Thank you to Chris, Kaylie, Micah, Mom, Dad, Allyster,Melody,Mom #2, Mark, Trish, and big Micah. You guys made this a Christmas for the history books. I loved every minute.

Oh How Sweet

This afternoon I have just been pondering how sweet it is to walk with God. It is a walk that He never leaves. I had a particularly rough day Sunday. I allowed frustration in which tried to talk me into the believing a lie. After severely chasitising myself for these misteps, I felt tremendous guilt. It was in those moments that I remembered the precious promises of God. He never leaves, even to the end of the earth. My rightness before Him is only found in His Son. It is not always some incredible holy moment. It is usually in the nitty gritty, unattractive moments that His promises are reinforced to me. I am so thankful that my hope lies with someone stronger than myself. Oh how sweet it is to walk with Him.

Christmas is Upon Us

A light shining, piercing the darkness. Jesus did come, and oh what a glorious day when He will come again, but for now we take pause to remember. I have read blogs and heard sermons over many many Christmases and you know what? It never gets old. It is such great news!

The time has come once again for all the yearly rituals to culminate into the much anticipated day we call Christmas. I am excited. I am happy because I cannot wait to bless my children and family. They are a blessing to me throughout the year, and there is nothing better than to give. Whether you have tangible or intangible gifts this year, there is something wonderful and sacred about time set apart to reflect on the goodness and love that has kept us together. I believe this is the core of tradition. I do not particularly care if you believe Jesus was born in December or September. It is not a certain day that we celebrate, it is an occurrence that rocked the foundations of the world as we know it. It is a time reminding us year after year that no matter how much darkness or empitness you feel, there is a Light that came to break that darkness and fill the emptiness.

We will celebrate today and tomorrow not for what we are able to give through ourselves, but to be a conduit of the love that was so freely given to us.

Have a very merry Christmas!