And Then There Were Three

It was with some shock today that I learned I was pregnant with my third child. I am aware many people prefer to wait until a "safe" point to announce, but in my opinion a life is a life. If, God forbid, some tragedy were to befall us this baby would still have deserved every bit of excitement as any other. Today I announce to the world that little Medrano #3 will make their entrance into the world in late March or early April.

Today was certainly a day of mixed emotions. It is so strange, but it was like finding out I was pregnant for the first time. To say I am scared is an understatement. I spent a lot of the day crying. I feel guilty just saying that. I really am happy. I mean I think I always knew deep down inside that I was not finished having children. Still this was unexpected. I worried about money, about being able to leave my full time job, not having a big enough house, trying to balance attention between three children. I know it all probably seems silly in light of this great miracle of life. Of course I obviously have the emotions of a pregnant woman because everything makes me want to cry.

I didn't have any special way of telling Chris. He was busy with a project so by the time I picked him up I was such a mess I just kind of blurted it out. He was so happy and supportive. I'm sure it would have been a really sweet moment if I was not such a basket-case. We told the kids which I anticipated to be a little rocky. Kaylie has been pretty adamant to me about not wanting another brother or sister. I knew Micah would be mostly oblivious to this. He's never been the only child so he's always used to sharing attention. At first Kaylie looked a little upset. When we told her again with all certainty she was having another little brother or sister she started to warm up. I told her she has been such a great big sister and I know she will continue to be. I want her to feel involved, but not obligated. She seemed to perk up and started suggesting names for her potential brother or sister.

I have my first meeting with a midwife on Tuesday. Yes that's right Ms. two time epidural is going to venture into the realm of natural birth. I am quite nervous still about the prospect of giving birth outside of a hospital. I have been reading a lot about it before I even became pregnant. Of course when the chips are down every worst case scenario comes to mind. Still I have this desire to experience the joy and empowerment I have heard from so many woman who have chosen the less conventional route. I am actually hoping to have a water birth.
I am convinced that I have a higher tolerance for pain than the convenience of medical technology would have me think.

When I gave birth to Kaylie I was already dilated to 8cm by the time we reached the hospital. Why those nurses did not talk me out of an epidural I will never know. Actually I'm sure dollar signs had something to do with it. After receiving that epidural my labor slowed down to the point that they actually gave me pitocin to jump start things again. When I look back what I really needed was a gentle figure there to coach me through that last little bit of labor. Of course I just had a nurse who was inconvenienced at the fact that a woman actually showed up at the hospital on a Sunday morning for a ...gasp... a non induced labor.
Kaylie's birth is still so precious in my memories, but I still feel the pain of many decisions made on that day. Decisions I believe were made for the convenience of the medical staff and not my best interest,

Micah's delivery was fairly easy. Unfortunately my doctor convinced me we should induce Micah on the basis of Kaylie weighing in at 8lbs. 11 oz. at birth. When Micah went a bit past his due date it was all systems go. I wish I had been stronger and said no, but my fears from the last labor still lingered. Instead of working to assuage those fears, induction was the easy textbook answer. The pitocin caused me to launch into full on crazy hard contractions. Since I did not have the ability to gradually build up, the pain became excruciating. The anesthesiologist was just down the hall and was happy to oblige this miserable mommy. The actual labor was much shorter than with Kaylie. Much to our surprise Micah weighed in at 8lbs on the dot, even being late. Kaylie on the other hand was almost two weeks early. I really think God has a sense of humor in these things.

I share all of this to say I have not made this decision lightly. I am honestly looking forward to a more personal approach to maternity care. I also look forward to birthing this baby on my own terms, and not what the medical community deems ideal. Believe me I am not a doctor hater. Both of my OBGYN doctors were not bad. They simply do what they know to do in the context of a hospital setting. If for some reason I need to go to a hospital I have no qualms with it. I am just learning there may be a better way when it comes to birthing our children.

As I write I am still in some shock at the timing of these events. I am still adjusting to the changes. I know there is still a long journey ahead, but I am trying to let go. Not everything will always happen on my schedule. I may say it through tears but reliance on God is best perfected in a place that I do not have all the answers.

Shea Butter Extravaganza

For the past six years we have been priveleged to hold part ownership in a company producing pure, unrefined shea butter in an obscure country called Burkina Faso in West Africa.
Our goal was to provide a viable and steady work opportunity for the women of this country.
You can read more about the company at http://www.westafricasheabutter.com/.

We began the business selling in bulk to distributors and independent soap makers.
After many years working in this capactiy we have decided to offer the product on a retail level.

We are currently offering an 8 ounce jar for $20 or two 8 ounce jars for $30 plus shipping and handling.
Arrangements can also be made for pick up.
Unrefined shea butter does not contain the chemicals that you will find in the refined shea butter used in most standard personal care products. Shea Butter is an excellent moisturizer. Many customers report that shea butter has been extremely beneficial for a multitude of skin ailments. I personally found it to be a great tummy moisturizer during pregnancy.
Add your favorite essential oil or use it straight out of the jar.

If interested please send an e-mail to Chris@westafricasheabutter.com

Free Weekend

It is all too tempting to wake up on a Saturday morning, lounge for awhile, and then head out for lunch. We may browse Target, maybe catch a movie, perhaps even indulge in another dinner. Of course it is almost inevitable that we will spend money while we are out. We work hard all week. We deserve it, right?

In a quest to save a little coin we have decided to embark on what I have heard termed as a "free weekend." What is a free weeked you may ask? Starting this everning anything we do must be free or at least already paid for in our current monthly budget. Obviously we are not going to turn off the electricity during this swelterting heat.. The only thing we can spend money on will be groceries for meals, and any gas for the car. We must eat all meals at home and utilize our current resources to have a good time.

I like spending as much as the next person. I mean consuming is the American way, right? In an attempt to delay pleasure in exchange for substantial payoff in the future, I am working to discipline those natural human tendencies. Hopefully in the process the whole family will transform, and we can have fun building our relationships and not just our collection of stuff.

Whether it's free or not have a wonderful weekend!

Giddy Tuesday

I have a couple of reasons to be giddy today. Oh sure it's a Tuesday, and Tuesday is always worse than Monday in my book. Nevertheless I am excited.

Numero Uno: No dishes tonight! We are going out for dinner. I can't even explain how thrilled this makes me. There is nothing more taxing than coming home from work, making dinner, eating dinner, and then cleaning up while your children run around begging you to pay attention to them. While the thought of ditching dishes is always appealing, the thought of coming home the next evening to a dirty kitchen is even less appealing.
As you can see no dishes on Tuesday make me a happy lady!

Numero Dos: Let me preface this next paragraph by putting it out there. I am a nerd. Ok I said it now onto my second reason to be giddy. I love America's Got Talent. I can't explain it. I am not an avid fan of reality TV. I don't watch the likes of American Idol or So You Think You can Dance. During the first season of the show I recall commenting to Chris what a lame summer filler this would be. I am still befuddled as to how I was roped into my first episode. Ever since I have become a religious viewer every summer. There is just something about collapsing on the couch with the family and watching some of the most talented and ridiculous people do their thing. Maybe it is the summer heat that gets to my brain because I believe I am sane the rest of the year round. I laugh and sometimes cry. I become a professional critic along with my daughter Kaylie. I can't help but laugh when Kaylie disapproves of an act. She immedietely throws her arms into the air and crosses them for an "X."

Now that I have that shameful little secret out, I am going to call it a day at the office. I am ready to see my family.

Grownup Kids

Today my little brother turns 23. Happy birthday Allyster!

It is extremely surreal when you realize you and your siblings are all of adult age. Growing up as the oldest of three the siblings were always "the babies" of the family. How strange is it to wake up and realize they aren't quite babies any longer, and maybe they now look at me as "the old one."

This all has me reminiscing about summer and the old days. I have some of the best memories of my brother, sister, and I during summer vacation. Of of course there was the usual yelling, pushing, and tattling that kids do, and then there were all the moments in between. Moments that consisted of jumping on the trampoline so high you felt like you could fly, swimming at the water park for so long our skin becoming tan and wrinkled like a prune, and lunches at CiCi's Pizza because it was cheap and mom needed a break from cooking. Then there were the family vacations. Oh how I miss being a kid and enjoying these without the cares of money or travel logistics!

As much as these sweet memories remain, they slowly lose the clarity and detail that they once possessed. Like dreams fading into a mist, I can still feel the essence, but those little kids come into focus and I realize they are not really children any longer.

Restore

Lately I've been trying to imagine a world where change is not possible. A place where all the mistakes and hurts of the past hold a firm grip on today. A dimension where restoration is not an option. I have been fortunate to experience the opposite of these dreadful alternatives. Sadly I realize that the current state of our world dwells in this place of disparaged hope more frequently as time goes on. We jump from one dream or fantasy to the next never really believing that there is restoration for who we truly are.

I have experienced restoration in many aspects of my life. Most recently I have experienced the process of restoration in my marriage. It is an act in progress, but I want to shine the light of hope. There is no needs for details. Almost every married couple today has come to face that day when it is either choose to step it up or simply walk away. Skeptics beware I am about to throw down a lot of God centered truth. You may disect all you desire. I still love you. My experiences are real. I have known first hand what it is to go from darkness into the marvelous light of God's truth. One of those resounding truths is that God is a God of restoration. He can take the jumbled pieces your life, relationships, family, and bring them to wholeness. We have this crazy idea that we can somehow fix the messes we have made. This makes no more sense than a toddler trying to crazy glue the fragmented pieces of his mother's precious vase. Try as hard as he may, the finished product will probably be more dysfunctional than when he began.

I believe the greatest act both Chris and I have brought to the process is an open, humble heart. We can't do this in ourselves. This is something we have agreed upon that must occur on a higher level than ourselves. People will alway let you down, and I hate to tell you this, but you are almost guaranteed to let yourself down at one time or another. I am constantly perplexed as to why people keep bouncing from one relationship to the next looking for that perfect someone who will NEVER let them down. In our marriage we have decided this is it. If God is the only one who can be trusted it is about time we put our full trust in Him!

I can tell you from experience that the process is so sweet once you are moving on the other side. God's desire is for your restoration. It is His desire for you to be all He created you to be, and it is His desire that we engage in right relationships with one another.

Leaps and Bounds

When I was a kid there was a really awesome play place called Leaps and Bounds. As an adult I really appreciate that name because looking back it was perfect for what it was. There is nothing more freeing as a child than a place where you are free to run and let your imagination go wild. With every leap the possibilities are endless.

I am ashamed to admit that I fell into the dark adult trap that discourages those leaps and bounds. I'm not talking about wreckless, irrational jumps. I believe every good leap comes from a solid base. I have allowed myself to sit on the sidelines encouraging others to take the leap of faith, while privately waiting for my turn one day. There is a healthy amount of planning in life. God has put a great emphasis on using wisdom in decision making, but there are also times when all the human planning in the world cannot give the little push that it takes to get to that next level. It then simply becomes a matter of priorities, trust, and faith.

Mark your calendars people. May 27, 2010. I have decided I am no longer content to just wait for that day. Look out world, from this moment forward I am moving in leaps and bounds.

The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:19