Turkeys, Unemployment, and Other Thoughts

It's been a long and winding road this fall season. We went from the devastation of job loss, to the excitement of a job offer one week later. This was short lived as we found out the following week that the company decided to eliminate two of the positions they were hiring for. Talk about an emotional rollercoaster. God and I had a lot of conversations during this time. We had to make some tough choices, that were not ideal. In spite of this thanks to Chris' diligent saving while at Thomson, things are tight but not too uncomfortable. The following months have been filled with job searches, interviews, and job fairs. I would love to say I have stayed completely calm and sane at all times. Unfortunately that is very hard for a woman, and a pregnant woman at that. Fridays are usually difficult. I suppose it is just that if no job prospects have panned out for the week I feel a little defeated, but by Monday God is faithful to renew my spirit. Chris has a pretty good prospect that he interviewed for this week. Of course I think I become more of a nervous wreck after an interview, because waiting is not my strong suit. No matter what God has taken care of us. I thought I would be entering the holiday season with dread, but if anything it has reinforced the things that are most important to me in life. We still have reason to celebrate, even if the material side is a bit smaller, our joy is no more diminshed.

Speaking of holidays next week is my favorite holiday. I absolutely love Thanksgiving. Of course

I love Christmas as well, but there is something special about Thanksgiving. It still has all the excitement and anticipation of holidays to come, yet it sheds all the glitz and glamor in favor of a more understated approach to giving and sharing. Instead of worrying about what to buy or how much to spend we can come together with family and friends to give of ourselves and our most precious possession, time. Just thinking about gathering together in a home filled with warmth and love fills my heart with warm fuzzies. Turkey... this is another thing that makes Thanksgiving great. What other time of year can you find grocery stores fighting for customers with awesome deals like a 13 lb turkey for less than five dollars? How awesome is that???!!!

Hmmm let's see ,news on the baby front. I am 21 weeks along today. Time is really flying by with this pregnancy. With the holidays coming up I am sure that will shoot this pregnancy into warp speed. We find out the gender of the baby on December 7th, providing baby Medrano is cooperative. I wasn't sure how excited I would be in the beginning since we already have one of each. As we get closer I find I am really excited to know. I am the mom that cleans the attic and then looks at old baby clothes and cries remembering when my babies were well babies. It is a bit thrilling to think a lot of those tiny clothes are going to get used again. My best friend of many years will also be joining us for the sonogram which I am super excited about. With distance and our busy lives we didn't see much of each other when the other kids were babies. It is really wonderful to share this experience with such a dear friend.

I have experienced some anxiety along the way knowing that I will be birthing this baby naturally without the aid of drugs. The epidural was always my safety net. Some days I feel like a strong woman who can do anything, even tackle the rigors of labor. Then there are other days when I worry that I won't make it and I may just die right in the middle of it all. I know I am a bit dramatic. No matter what my fears, I have never felt more comfortable with my birth decision as I do now. I know that no matter what the outcome the God given strength is within, and He will carry me through.

To all my readers, yes all 3, maybe 4 of you have a very happy Thanksgiving. In lean times, and in times of plenty life is still a precious gift to be thankful for.

Precious Promises

Friday afternoon I was hit with the gut wrenching news that Chris had lost his job. Talk about a slap in the face. With our third child on the way I had already been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety over finances, a car that we had already poured way too much money into, and trying to figure out how we could make it work so I would stay home. For the last two months I have wrestled with God over the question we all ask at one time, "Why me?" Many dark nights I struggled with God. Why did He seem so distant? Why did He place desires in my heart that He now seemed so unwilling to fullfill? The news Friday just felt like the icing on the cake, might I add really bad icing on a burnt cake. Although the news was devastating I felt more broken than angry. For the first time in months I lost the will to fight or question, all I could do was sob. All of the fears of losing everything were there, but mostly I just felt so low, so humbled.

Saturday was difficult. I cried a lot. I wanted to sleep and just forget everything. In the shower I began to sing the old Hymn, On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand. Tears streamed down my face, and finally I felt what I had been missing for some time. The sweet presence of God beginning to fill and permeate the brokeness. I had finally surrendered to the work He really wanted to do in me. Sunday things began to feel better. Obviously our problems were not solved overnight, but I felt peace. I was able to smile and laugh more. I looked at my husband and children and felt nothing but gratefulness for their presence and steadfast love. Our circumstances took on a new light as I saw an opportunity for our family to draw closer together. Finally, yes maybe this can be a good thing.

I have come to find through the years that I am a planner. I want everything to go as planned. I would like God to come through for me on my timetable, and yet I want to still have some control in the matter. What I did not realize is how I was short changing myself for God's processes. They are not always fun processes, in fact somtimes they are messy and bring a certain amount of humility that I would rather just skip on. Oh how important these processes are though. I held an ongoing argument with God for two months, and in one day He washed away every pretense I could hide behind. Suddenly I realized how insignifcant my control really is, and how significant surrender is to His precious promises. One of those promises that has continued to stand out in my mind is at the very end of Matthew. After Jesus had given his disciples their last instructions He finished off with this in Matthew 28:20b
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age

I have heard this verse so many times it starts to lose its true value. As I let it sink in it is like a warm blanket to the soul and spirit. Jesus has promised His people He is not leaving. He is not going anywhere. There are no surprises in this life that throw Him off guard. We only fool ourselves if we think we can work the system. Could I lose everything of worldy value? Sure that could happen. I believe though that God is good, and He desires my good. As I believe in that, and lean heavily on Him the good in life just naturally works itself out. Walking with God is a win win situation when I let Him take control.

As of today I have not received a million dollar check in the mail. I have not been given a raise. Chris has not found a job just yet, but I am grateful. Our money is stretching more than I thought it would. I just looked at the bank account this morning to crunch some numbers, and I was shocked to find we should be just fine through this next month. Chris has had one job interview already that went well. We hope to possibly hear something by the end of the week. I have felt even closer to Chris as we work together to keep things going. I know it may sound silly, but I was rejoicing so much on the inside today. I know I have a Father who loves me. He desires all good things for me, but what is more important to Him is the state of my heart.