BeThou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Dallan Forgail

Almost ten years ago the words to this hymn were sung at our wedding. The joining of two broken people redeemed by God, brought together and joined as one.  I have loved this hymn for a long time, but I do not think I truly grasped the significance it would play as we began the journey of marriage that day.

At the beginning of this year I was not sure my marriage would last to see the completion of ten years. It was a sad, broken state of affairs. My heart was in tatters and my will to go on was fading. I was heartbroken, but resigned to the fact that I was quickly heading to the predictable statistics so many first marriages face today. Something deep in my heart would not let go. Chris and I both looked at where we were, and reevaluated what our marriage was built upon. If we truly believed we were just two people brought together by chance then divorce was an easy answer. Life is just a chance. If we believed the vows we took and the statements we made on our wedding day, then divorce was not an option. 

We are broken people who will love imperfectly, but we are two brought together, joined by God, one flesh. It was then we realized how desperately we needed the love of God to wash over us again, and perfect the love we so feebly try to give. I remember these words, Be Thou My Vision. Our marriage is nothing without God as the the reason we move forward. Feelings can turn on a dime, but love requires a sacrifice on the altar, a sacrifice that begins to burn away selfish motives and desires. It is quite painful, believe me I speak from experience. In the end it is worth every moment. Marriage is not a design of men, it is the design of a Creator who desperately wants to show you a living example of His love through this covenant on earth.

On November 1, 2012 Chris and I will celebrate ten glorious, transforming years of marriage. My love for him has grown deeper and stronger than the day we said our vows. We were young, and inexperienced. We were fortunate enough to have a grain of sense that the only thing that would keep us together was keeping our vision, God. Through every trial and tribulation, even at our lowest point a still, small voice has guided us. I am forever grateful for this man God has placed in my life. He loves me, sharpens me, makes me laugh, forgives me, provides for me, tells me I'm beautiful, gives me beautiful children, never lets go, and most importantly loves Jesus and has stepped up to lead our family in such a wonderful way. I could say he was everything I dreamed of, but that would be selling him short. God knew exactly who I needed. I cannot wait to spend the next 20, 30,40,50,60, maybe even 70 years with this man.

Marriage is worth fighting for. I can say this from experience. I have known the depths of hurt, and the mistrust that will try to creep in. No, fighting for marriage is not easy, it's never convenient, and it requires full commitment from both partners. It will require you to soften your heart and chip away at walls that have slowly been erected. It sometimes will ask you to give up the right to be right, but let me tell you it is so worth it on the other side. If you are feeling hopeless about your marriage today, don't give up. True love, love from God will run when everything else has dried up. It will hope all things and believe all things. It will never fail.

Back in the Swing of Things

It's Tuesday and time to get back to real life. I believe vacation memories are some of the best. Sometimes I don't even realize what a great time I had until I come home and start reliving all the things we did. Trying to manage my two kids was somewhat tiresome while traveling and being on the go, but what a precious time I had with Kaylie and Micah. I think of the times we were visiting museums, eating dinner together, or just chilling in the hotel and watching TV, and I feel priveleged that we were blessed with the time and resources to do this.

Friday night Chris took me out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. We had a great time talking, laughing, and just enjoying one another's company. After dinner we went to a little independent coffee shop in North Richland Hills called Roots. I really like the set up of this shop. The staff could be a bit friendlier, but I am an extra picky Starbucks veteran. The store featured a live musician. I believed her name was Kiera. She was actually awesome. It is not often you get a coffee shop musician who plays their own music, and if they do the content and quality is usually iffy. Just being in a coffee shop makes me miss the old days of making coffee. My desire to own my own ship only increases. If anyone would like to invest in an experienced barista with business and management experience give me a shout.
Now back to the date, sorry for the rabbit trail. We spent the rest of the evening walking around a park just talking about our lives and the future. It was the best date. He even took me to Einstein's for breakfast Saturday morning before picking up the kids. It was a low key anniversary, but one of the best.

The rest of the weekend was a blur. The kids went out to a fall festival and received more candy than I think should be allowed. We attended the end of the missions conference at Shady Grove where my heart was once again broken for the nations.
My heart just might be beating away from here, but that is a story for another blog at another time.

I'm back at work now trying to adjust once again. I found out our four day weeks are being canceled due to downsizing in the office. It is a little disappointing, but what can you do? I miss my kids and husband. I miss being home together or out doing something, but bills must be paid.
Big holidays are just around the corner so it may be awhile before I am really back in the swing of things.

A Happy Seven Years

This past Sunday Chris and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. I know you may be thinking that I just talked about our eighth anniversary together a couple of months ago. What can I say? We like to celebrate.

It's a little weird for me to even believe it has been seven years already. I don't feel that old. Of course I was only eighteen at the time. I could share a million things about marriage and life. The most important thing I can think of besides loving God more than you love your spouse is this. When you love, love fiercely. Work on your marriage as if your life depended on it. There is pain and joy in love. To love is to sacrifice, but what joy there is on the other side. This cannot be reached by living in a neutral status with your partner. There are moments in my marriage when I know Chris and I became so frustrated we were ready to throw the towel in, but what stood was the fierce love and loyalty, a willingness to push through because a life together was better than a life apart.

It has been an adventurous seven years and we are just getting started. I love you Chris. You are my great earthly love.