A Year in Review

It's 5 a.m. and I'm on the road. If you had asked me where I would be at this time last New Year's Eve, this would not have crossed my mind. This is life, down to one 10 year old car, back in the workforce, unexpected pregnancy, unexpected miscarriage, and trusting God for every dollar to make ends meet.

We often don't see our pride in self sufficiency. It's a sneaky little sin that is hard to perceive as evil in a land that was built on hard work and self reliance.
This year God loved me so much that He took out the mirror to show me more of my own weakness.

The best part about God is that He doesn't pull out the mirror and then proceed to laugh and deride you.
No, instead He tenderly picks up the pieces of the card house you perceived as a mansion. He then begins to replace it with solid truth. He begins to build something that will last far beyond this momentary affliction, far beyond these earthly materials we hold so dear.

I've spend a lot of time lamenting 2014 and praying it would soon be over. As I survey the trodden terrain of the year past, I am gripped with the reality that I am loved. I am so loved by a Father that will not leave me in my sin. I am loved by a Father who desires to bring eternity out of the dusty caverns of my soul and to the forefront of my heart.
I am loved by the Creator of the universe, and that is enough.

To Please Man

I do so much in life to please men. Yes, I am ashamed to admit, but it is true. If you stop and think about it even the most individualistic of us seek the approval of man.

I would like to take a pause and classify that I will refer to men or man for humanity as a whole throughout the rest of this blog. I apologize if you are prone to political correctness, but I have found it easier this way.

Many of our endeavors are targeted at pleasing or impressing those around us. Even the most pious of Christians can often fall prey to this. If your circle is comprised primarily of like minded people it has the ability to become somewhat of a competition for whatever that circle holds valuable. In a more secular context it is measured in large and small ways. We all seek the approval of lenders and the almighty credit score. I am not advocating not paying bills, this is purely not Biblical, but what is the motivation behind paying bills? Is it to please others so you can score a bigger loan to accumalate more stuff? Perhaps it is to prove you are in the upper echelons of society with such an immaculate score? We all seek the approval of friends and family. Some would try to diminish this, but I find the louder one argues the deeper the root is in the heart.

I see this manifested daily in a world that has given everyone to broadcast themselves 24/7. Look no farther that facebook or twitter to find people vying for prominence and approval. It is not even alway others that we seek this confirmation from. We are constantly searching our own soul trying to please ourselves, and find the ever elusive state of happiness.

I write this more as a confession than a prosecution of humanity. I believe we are all guilty, but what does that matter. It is a matter of the individual heart. I am guilty. More often I hope to prove to others that I have something. I worry about my appearance. I have often anaylized what to write as a staus on my facebook to ensure that it only presents myself in the best light. I want people to like me maybe even envy my life. What irony when I allow my spirit to be in an aganozing battle with my human tendencies.

It is an embarrassing but awful truth. I have come to the realization that the only freedom to be found is in the truth. I am nothing apart from the saving grace of Christ. He is all that matters. If I have anything it is a blessing from Him.