Weary

I'm just going to come out and say it. I am a giant ball of stress. There that feels a little better.
I've always dreamed about being one of those cool,calm, zen people, but I'm not. During the week I find that many little things can set it off. After a long day at work I come home and just want the world to be perfect. Yet I look around and see clothes that need washed, dinner to be cooked, kids who need attention, walls to be painted, books to be read, places to go,budgets to calculate, and then my mind wanders to why didn't I finish college again. I want to be everywhere and do everything, but in my heart of hearts I just want to be content. My mind is so busy, I grow weary of myself.

Forgive this blog please. I truly love my life, but it is just one of those moments. I'm just reconciling these thoughts on this blank slate in hopes I can make sense of it all.

It has been a long week. I have been tired and not felt much like myself which makes me irritable and not the greatest mom or wife. I am committed to providing for my family, but how long can one work in a job for which they have no passion? I know the answer and it is as long as it takes, but I am still just a mere mortal. I want to reach the dreams I have longed for. I want to do something I am passionate about. I want to change the world!

My balloon of dreams is descending back to reality. Oh it is in these moments that I must trust you God once again. Please strengthen me because I can never do it in myself.

Freedom!!!!!!

I could have been bogged down by a typical Tuesday, but Chris e-mailed me this morning to wish me a Happy 'Out of prepayment penalty' day! How could I forget? Three years ago we signed the papers to close on our home. Three years ago we made one of the most misinformed financial decisions. Today we celebrate making it three years against the odds, and we are free from a hefty prepayment penalty! I find it is easy to get lost in the forest and forget to celebrate the small victories. I just wanted to take this moment to revel in this victory.

We should close on our refinance by the end of this month. It is not all we had hoped it would be. We will only refinance the 80% portion of our loan, but that will bring the interest rate down to 5.5%. If home values don't increase in the near future we will probably stay in our home a few more years. No matter what we will still save money, and we will not be subject to the formidable ARM. With inflation on the horizon I am truly grateful we will not be in danger of an increasing rate.

Time to get back to work.

I love Monday

I know it sounds crazy. In fact this morning I don't want to love Monday, but I'm trying to be positive so stick with me. Love is not always a feeling right? I'm just going to dig my heels in and love Monday even if it kills me!

There is just something awful about preparing a meal that tastes so good, and then waking up the next morning and feeling like you need to puke. That's how I felt today. I don't know if it was bad food, or dehydration from the sun, but I felt horrible. Have you ever seen the cartoons where the character gets out of bed only to literally drag themselves across the floor picking themselves up and falling as only a cartoon character can do? That was me this morning, just not as cool looking as a cartoon character.

It was a fairly good weekend. We saw UP. I loved it, but I love most Pixar films. Kaylie said it was the best movie ever. Of course she is three and anything in recent memory is usually the best. I believe there is also something wonderful about an air conditioned movie theater in the middle of hundred degree weather.

We spent Sunday at the water park. This has become a weekly ritual. Kaylie is slowly getting braver. She still has a tendency to panic in the wave pool, but she now goes down all the slides in the kids area. These are not the slides from the kiddy area I remember as a child. These are a lot bigger and a lot of fun. Sometimes we have to convince her it would be a good idea to go back to the kids area and ride some slides. Hey even adults can be kids at heart :) Micah isn't quite ready for all that excitement. His favorite passtime is crawling around the most shallow area of the kids pool, and chilling with momma on the lazy river.

Well it's time to get back to today. All this weekend fun has been brought to you brought to you by the paychecks from Thomson and Pavestone.

Water Garden Pictures

A week has gone by, but here they are.

Kaylie took this picture. A little bit dark, but I think we have a photographer in the making.
Kaylie and I are about to make the dangerous journey to the bottom. ha ha
I told Kaylie she needed to hold my hand for her own safety, but secretly it was to help me keep my own equilibrium.
Micah just wanted to sleep. Can you blame him in this heat?

Finally, an escape from the scorching sun.

Across the Ocean Seems So Far Away

My dad has been in Africa for over a month now. I knew he would be far away, but when you are a busy working mom you find that it's easy to pass the time by just living life. When I go over to their house it's often just like dad's at work or in the office. I haven't spoken to him much because of the time difference, power outages in Burkina Faso, and all the things that can make transcontinental communication difficult. I just happened to pick up the kids this afternoon, and mom was on the phone with him. We were able to talk briefly before his phone disconnected.

When I was little there were a few times my dad traveled without us, or we traveled to visit family without him if he was working. I remember hating the moment we had said our goodbyes and he turned to walk away. I dreaded those few moments knowing how much I would miss him and how far away it seemed he would be. I just wanted to get a good cry out so all those bottled up kid emotions could get out. Talking to my dad today made me feel that way again. Of course I am all grown up and I know I will see him again, but it's just the reality of how far away he really is.

I suppose no matter how grown up we get there is always that child in us that longs for the closeness of home, and not the structure. Instead the home we found or always wanted to find in the safety and security of our parents love and presence in our lives.

When you read this dad I love you and miss you. I know you will come home, but tonight across the ocean seems so far away.

Flash Flood

We are so close to building boats to float away. This may seem like an exaggeration, but it's not to far from reality when I can see the Trinity river from my front door. If you have never been through a true Texas thunderstrom it is a sight to behold. I remember my grandparents coming from Seattle one spring. We had a classic April storm. It was nothing too out of the ordinary, but my gradmother was scared out of her mind. I have spent the morning watching lightning bounce across the sky from my desk. I am still amazed we have electricity.
Last night was cool to watch. If only I wasn't so chicken I could have taken some good pictures. I'll leave that to the crazy storm trackers. I prefer the perceived safety of my own home.

Vacation

No I'm not going on one, but I sure wish I was. Unfortunately I have no vacation time until September 17th. Yes I have it down to the day. This warm summer weather has me craving a sunny beach If it wasn't for the economic mess and high cost of living, California would be my place to live.

It was a good weekend. We made the mistake of going to downtown Fort Worth Saturday afternoon. We walked from Sundance Square all the way to the Water Gardens behind the convention center. The walk there was not too bad. Kaylie loved the unique fountains and pools. I recommend checking it out if you are ever downtown. It really is an amazing piece of work. Unfortunately the temperature really started to heat up and we had a long walk back. We were all dragging the whole trek back to the car. Saturday night Chris and I went on a date. We had some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings and then coffee at a new shop called Roots. It was a cool little shop in North Richland Hills. The decor was aweseom and the coffee not too shabby. My only complaint was the people were not too friendly, even after I attempted to engage one of the baristas in conversation.

Sitting in the coffee shop made us realize once again what a great desire we have to one day open our own coffee shop. It has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager, and Chris just happens to share that dream. We spent the rest of our date brainstorming and crunching numbers. It was fun to converse about something we are both so passionate about. Hopefully that dream will be fullfilled in the near future, but more on that later.

Sunday was a relaxing day. We had lunch with the family at Saltgrass (so very good). After lunch we took the kids swimming for the remainder of the afternoon. It was quite enjoyable. As usual I did not want it to end. I will post some pictures later this week from out trip to the water gardens.

Time to sign off. Until tomorrow!